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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
RachelHRD · 23/05/2013 07:43

OP what are you planning on telling DD to say if she is asked about her day off?? Presumably you'll be telling her to lie and say she was poorly? Again not a great example to set is it?
I understand you want quality time with her just don't do it this way.

jacks365 · 23/05/2013 07:48

The comment about dp was because you stated he has only just learnt to care for your youngest.

What activities is it that your dd wants to do.

Is it you she wants to spend time with or is it the activities she wants.

Why does it have to be a full day?

If I honestly thought this was going to be one day then I'd say go for it but something is just not sitting right. It could be because you started the thread on your terms ie "I miss dd" but it comes across as you trying to justify keeping her off unnecessarily for your own needs.

thegreylady · 23/05/2013 07:53

I would make it the last week of term and go into school and talk to the head teacher. Book one day of authorised absence. Alternatively make an appointment for an eye test or dental check up and take the whole day off. Lovely as it sounds she is nearly 6 and having done it once will no doubt want to do it again.

Wishihadabs · 23/05/2013 07:55

One of the mothers at Dc's school does this on different days with each of her dc. I don't think it's right. I would dearly love to keep the dcs off school on a Monday when I have been on call and away all weekend (they would love it too) But instead I get up , get dressed and do the school run. As I see it we have a contract with the school that they will attend if they are not ill.

Attendance is a big issue and I think by keeping them off you are making the schools job harder than it needs to be.

I also think you need to find ways of giving your elder dd what she needs with the younger one around.

thegreylady · 23/05/2013 07:57

I have been re reading-what would you do with dd2 during this full day with dd1?

christinarossetti · 23/05/2013 08:00

A simple solution would be to leave your younger dd with your partner on his many days off whilst you pick your older daughter up from school. Does she really do an after school activity every day? If so, why not have a day off one of these and do something nice eg go to park, go for juice together?

Or dp could take your youngest out for a couple of hours after school whilst yo and your older child relax at home?

Juggling the needs of two young children is hard but shift work should give more flexibility not less imvhe.

AnyFucker · 23/05/2013 08:22

Are you going to tell us why it is your p is only just able to look after your youngest child on his own, or continue to let us fill in the blanks (not to his advantage)?

CorrStagnitto · 23/05/2013 08:34

YANBU... just do it, missing one day wont do any harm

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 08:42

extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and d

stop some of those and spend time with her if you are in england it is half time next week isn't it spend time with her then, I think you sound a little bit needy your child is in school and you want her to spend the day with you , yabu

arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2013 08:50

Agree with the above posters. This makes no sense whatsoever. You start the thread saying you don't have the time to have one on one, then go on to to say that next week you're all going away as a family?! Am I missing something? Why can't you have a day on holiday with DC1 while your DP has the one year old?

HerrenaHarridan · 23/05/2013 08:58

Cardinal sin warning: I have not read the whole thread Blush but after reading a few posts along the line of school is not optional unless home educating I feel the need to point out that actually there is a grey area between the two and you absolutely can educate off site for a day or a week.

If the school query it and they might because its not widely advertised you can a sen her in with a project book from the lovely day at the museum you shared or d) print off some info about it, give it to them and get on with life.

I will continue in to read the whole thread now and I sincerely hope someone before me has said similar.

Please people remember they are your children, not the LEAs and you are entitled to take some responsibility for their education.

Sallystyle · 23/05/2013 09:06

I wouldn't do it, school is not optional for me. You turn up every day unless you are ill or there is a family emergency or something.

However, hardly the end of the world if you give her the day off, especially if it will only be a one off.

Blu · 23/05/2013 09:07

Given everything you say, I would do it. You could always go to a museum or other activity connected with something she is doing at school, as long as she would enjoy it.

Blu · 23/05/2013 09:09

Actually your title is misleading if you are Actually doing this because she misses you. If it would benefit her, do it. If only for your sake, don't.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2013 09:11

OP What do you mean by 'high needs'? Put DCD2 down to sleep on her own. Then you have time with DD every single day.

If you genuinely had no time to have one on one time then I would say YANBU.

But, you have, you've got plenty. Every single day and all the holidays. So YABU and very selfish.

HerrenaHarridan · 23/05/2013 09:25

Wow!

An this is a classic mn example is spending years agreeing with almost everything another poster says only to find yourself going "you fucking what!"
I'll name no names but I do love the eloquently argued "but school is school!"

Also a classic example of lots of yanbu/ yabu and one particularly vehement side getting offended because when her conviction were challenged she realised the strength of them (go on, spot the quote Wink)

WTAF!

By a cheap scrap book, go to the museum and fill it full of drawing and pictures, often they have little worksheets and finding challenges.

Life is for living

As for adults taking work days off well it depends on your job really, shitty dead end factory job that you hate, just do it! Brain surgeon, maybe not.

And as for the poster who said her dp gets automatic dismissal for 3 days sick, that's either not true or you should report his employer for breaking the law.

ElizaDoLots · 23/05/2013 09:32

YABU - but I'd do it anyway! I think school is optional actually, until they are five. At our primary school a few children took a day or part day off if they became too tired by full time school and they were still four.

I wouldn't explain it like that to your daughter though - I just say 'no school today' and not expand. If you feel she is missing out on 1:1 time, she's probably feeling it too and getting a bit of that will far outweigh a day of jolly phonics in the long run.

ElizaDoLots · 23/05/2013 09:35

Didn't realise she was 6. I'd still do it anyway though if she's not behind.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2013 09:42

Herrena, I agree this thread is bringing out strong opinions for both sides! I thought "WTF - noooooo" at the OP!

flanbase · 23/05/2013 09:43

I would say for the weekdays meet your dd after school whilst your dp looks after your dd2 and go out together and do something. For the whole day off school I'd wait until it's a day off for everyone. You could say to your DD1 that in the school hols you will do things and make plans. I know it's hard with having to give attention to other kids and the not having time just per child.

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2013 09:49

I feel the need to point out that actually there is a grey area between the two and you absolutely can educate off site for a day or a week.

Only if the school agree (in my school anyway).

Some examples of being educated off site would be something arranged by the LA...like music lessons/a spelling or maths competition at another school.

A parent telling the school they're keeping their child home for 1 on 1 cuddles with Mummy...or even a random trip to a museum would go down as an unauthorised absence.

The parent would simply be told to do this in their own time...like the weekends/after school/during the 12 weeks holidays a year that the kids get.

AnyFucker · 23/05/2013 09:51

And that would be because that is what all the other millions of families are expected to do

Most of them manage it pretty adequately

ShatterResistant · 23/05/2013 09:53

OP, can you please tell us what you plan to do with your baby on the day you'd take DD out of school? And why can't that same plan apply in a half term or holiday day?

decaffwithcream · 23/05/2013 09:54

If you are genuinely motivated by your daughter's needs, then it makes far more sense to build one-to-one time into your daily routine, as that is far more beneficial than whole special days or special activities. Because everyday time becomes something she can expect and rely on as part of her everyday life.

If you are motivated by missing her and wanting to meet your own needs that is incredibly unfair to put that expectation to meet your needs onto a 5 year old.

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 09:54

A parent telling the school they're keeping their child home for 1 on 1 cuddles with Mummy...or even a random trip to a museum would go down as an unauthorised absence.

that most people manage to spend time with their children when they are not in school they dont need special days off to have a cuddle Wink and if they do then it is time to rethink schedules imo,