Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 18 19

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:

WeAreEternal · 22/05/2013 23:59

Oh and to all those saying 'go for it, it's only one day'
Yes it will be one lovely day I'm sure, but it won't solve the OP's problem that she is basically been ignoring her older DD since the toddler was born.

If your DD feels so ignored that at 5 she is "repeatedly" asking for attention it must be pretty bad because as other have said, at that age they usually just go along with things as they are, they adapt and work with the situation. They are that lovely age where they no longer need you for everything, and they don't want things done for them as they are enjoying the new found independence of not needed everything done for them.

So you have no other person who can look after your toddler? Really, nobody?
Fine, get a babysitter. The toddler will not be "upset" unless you hire really awful babysitters I'm sure the toddler will love some new attention.
Or is it just that you are as attached to the clingy toddler as she is to you and can't bare the thought of anyone else looking after her?

You need to sort out the problem of the difficult, all consuming toddler, as your DD is clearly suffering as a result of it.
I think a babysitter for every the occasional Saturday afternoon would help all of your problems hugely.

But you don't really want any of our advice do you OP.
You just want us all to tell you that YANBU. except you are.

McNewPants2013 · 23/05/2013 00:00

So you have not once spent 1-1 time with your Dd in 16 months.

Op I bet you have, so not once have you sat down with a book when the baby has been asleep or just sat and talked to her or done anything

Cherriesarelovely · 23/05/2013 00:04

I find some of the responses to OP incredibly intense and ott! She is thinking of having ONE DAY at home with her small child for perfectly understandable reasons. If she homeschooled she would be able to do whatever she liked anyway! It's not as if she is saying once a week or even once a month!

Nanny0gg · 23/05/2013 00:04

My mum and dad did this a handful of times, they'd have a work sickie, and I'd be kept off school. We'd all have a lovely day together, and I've got some great memories from it!

Bet their employers were thrilled...

The OP has decided. Don't really know why she asked.

fastyspeedyfast · 23/05/2013 00:04

You should do it! And you'll be setting her a brilliant example - that she is more important to you than a perfect attendance record. It will have such a positive effect on your relationship. I'd say you should keep doing it once a year until she leaves home. :)

WeAreEternal · 23/05/2013 00:04

Are they supposed to do what a bunch of randoms on the Internet say without question?

Of course they are, we are MNers, we are all knowing, our word is basically gospel. Didn't you get that memo?

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 00:07

I think people who get as intense as they have on this thread and who get pissed off because a poster doesn't take their advice need to consider if they have control issues and/or are maybe a bit over invested in MN.

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 00:08

Sorry cross posted. That wasn't a po faced response to you eternal

WeAreEternal · 23/05/2013 00:14

Out of interest OP.
on an evening and a weekend, when your DP is working his shifts, and 100% of your attention is focused on your toddler 100% of the time, what does your DD do?
Does she entertain herself all of the time?
Does she play by herself all day?
Does she watch a lot of tv by herself?

Or is that why she does so many after school activities? So that she isn't basically entertaining herself alone all of the time.

The more I think about it the worse I feel for your poor DD.

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 00:23

Why do you feel sorry for her? You don't know the answers to your questions yet?

RachelHRD · 23/05/2013 00:59

OP I think YABU there are plenty of opportunities to have one on one time with your Eldest when the youngest is napping etc or when you are on holiday next week - it doesn't have to be a full day for it to be enjoyable. Taking a day off school to do it isn't the right example to set. I wouldn't and I have a DS in Reception and we get even less one on one time as my DD is 3 - we certainly never have a full day together.
Emstats the odd day off may not have 'effected' your schooling but it may well have 'affected' it......

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 23/05/2013 01:07

Sometimes there are more important things than school for a child in reception.

StuntGirl · 23/05/2013 01:16

I can't stand this kind of selfish parenting. I have friend who wakes her child up while it's napping/sleeping as "She misses him so much". Get a fucking grip.

I agree with the poster who said upthread that essentially you 'miss' your daughter because you're not giving her enough attention. And a day here or there won't fix that, how about in another 6 months time when she's had no one on one time with you again?

You need to work some alone time with your daughter into your routine and stop throwing up imaginary roadblocks to very sensible solutions.

Or just go ahead and take your daughter out of school like you're going to anyway, sticking plaster solutions always work so well.

MidniteScribbler · 23/05/2013 02:32

I think a one on one day with DS sounds lovely. I'm sure the parents of my students won't have a problem if I'd rather spend the day in bed watching movies and eating popcorn, will they?

dufflefluffle · 23/05/2013 02:37

I totally agree - it's only a day and she'll love it and maybe you'll make a regular event of it. As I have a dd and a ds I do a boys day and a girls day as an excuse o do something with each but it was near impossible in the first few years. Give yourself a break OP and do what you feel best which is take the day, give your DD the time, she might not remember it 10 years down the line (when she would rather do anything than spend time with her mum) but you will and she will benefit from it. Do it!!

christinarossetti · 23/05/2013 03:06

Did it take 7 pages for someone to trot out the 'I feel sorry for your child' line or did I miss something earlier on?

Why does this topic get under peoples' skin so much that they ask OP to justify her choice of partner and make comparisons between a 5 year old being off school for ONE day and an adult in a responsible job phoning in sick?

I wouldn't wait until mid June to address this OP, but start doing what I could to build in more one to one time on a daily basis. Does your older child go to bed a bit later than your younger one - could you make this half hour or so count more?

Fuckwittery · 23/05/2013 03:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sokmonsta · 23/05/2013 03:25

Yabu. You have chosen for her to do the extra curricular activities and you have chosen to have another child.

These are the decisions which have put paid to you having a whole day with your dd.

I can assure you my dd has not had a whole day with me to herself in 3 years. We chose to have more children. Ds has never had a day with me to himself as dd was always there. Then before she started school I had twins. They have not had just me time in their whole 13 months.

We make time in other ways, when the twins are asleep during the day for ds. He has what we call his 'mummy day' when he doesn't go to preschool. We still have the twins though. Dd gets an hour on a Sunday evening when the twins are in bed and ds is at nana and granddad's. sometimes we let her go to bed later on fri/sat so she gets time with just dh and I.

A few snatched minutes here and there on a regular basis will do more than the odd day off school.

MyBaby1day · 23/05/2013 03:58

YANBU, it's so cute!!

rainbowslollipops · 23/05/2013 06:22

Someone I know at Dds school did this in nursery, it then followed through to reception and its only been this year she's actually sent her son to school. Her son got 57% in reception attendance. It's got to the point where if her son says he doesn't feel well or his head hurts she'll tell the school he's got a bad migraine and has been sick.

landofsoapandglory · 23/05/2013 07:13

OP what about your DS, do you miss him enough to give him a day off too?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 07:25

Am I the only one wondering why the OPS DD is in reception if she is six?

Anyway. I agree with everyone who said get a grip. Children have to go to school. If you miss her, do something about it after school or in the holidays. Or when your younger dd is sleeping. Or whatever other suggestions everyone else made.

Original poster

LittleLisa78 · 23/05/2013 07:28

I did not say 100% of my attention is focused on toddler 100% of the time. Elder DD and I go to the park, read, make dinner, draw, make cakes TC but always with younger DD there- it is one on one time she would like for the activities she would like to do which are impossible with her sister there. No, younger DD doesn't go to bed earlier or nap without me so those aren't options. DS is older and not fussed about doing things with his sisters there. Not sure why you think DP is inadequate for going to work...!

OP posts:

musicposy · 23/05/2013 07:34

I think YABU, sorry.

If you want her at home, home educate her.Then you can have lovely days with her every day. If you can't commit to that, then you need to commit to school. To lie to the school and keep her off because you feel like it sends entirely the wong message. Only 190 days out of 365 are school days. It's ridiculous to say you can't get time alone with her somehow on one of those days off.

And for the people taking sickies It's because of people who do this that DH's work have a policy of 3 times sick in the year is automatic dismissal. It ruins it for the honest people. You are paid to work, not to stay at home and have fun.

OP, home educate or commit to school properly. Anything else is setting a very bad precedent.

Groovee · 23/05/2013 07:38

Why can't you make a plan for a day next week while away?

Personally if dp was at home during the week, I'd be picking my child up from school and going to their activity then out for tea to just spend time together.

What happens when your dd announces "I wasn't sick on Friday, I got to spend time with mummy instead!" at school?

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 18 19