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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
jacks365 · 23/05/2013 16:38

Molly a few have asked questions which haven't been answered and any suggestions for ways of making time got dismissed which is why some of us doubt this will be a one off or for the childs sake.

wonderingagain · 23/05/2013 16:39

OFFS she's 5 years old and needs her mummy. Take the day off. And more if you want to, you have my blessing anyway, fwiw.

wonderingagain · 23/05/2013 16:41

She'll remember that day forever, I would have done anything as a child to have my mother spend time with me. She worked full time and I only saw her when she was tired or busy.

Yonihadtoask · 23/05/2013 16:43

I think OP YABU to want your DD to take a day off school because you miss her.

School is only 6 hours per day. Get up early - have a nice breakfast and walk before school. Do something after school - 3.15pm finish? That leaves 4 hours or so before bedtime. Plenty of time for a nice trip out somewhere - the park etc.

School isn't optional. What happens when she grows up and gets a job. just doesn't fancy going in today? Day off?

Nah.

It's half term next week, then in another 6 weeks or so it's the main school summer holidays. Plenty of time then to do family activities.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 17:00

calhoun maybe the reason you have never experienced a tantrum or not wanting to go to school is that one day is not the only "special time" you spend with your children in 15 months?

The OP has said this is the case for her, she hasn't had any one to one time with her daughter for 15 months. So to me, if that's the case, it seems logical that the dd will want this time again and again. And apparently the OP cannot provide this at any other time. Not during family holidays, weekends, after school.

OnTheNingNangNong · 23/05/2013 17:03

Invest with a sling then do what you need to at the weekend.

wonderingagain · 23/05/2013 17:04

She's 5. It really doesn't matter, it's about pros and cons for you.

From what you have said you both need each other, have had a difficult time and this is the only way round it. The benefits far outweigh the costs to her education or potential lack of future work ethic.

PaperSeagull · 23/05/2013 18:05

I think some of the posts on this thread have been rather OTT. One day at home for a 5-year-old is hardly the end of the world. If it seems important to do this as a one-off, why not?

OTOH, I don't fully understand why you feel it is important, OP. What exactly can you do only during a school day spent at home that you couldn't do after school (since your DP will have many weekdays off and can look after your younger DD then)? Why can't you cancel some of the after-school activities once or twice and enjoy that time with your DD then?

everlong · 23/05/2013 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwasBrillig · 23/05/2013 19:07

I missed why she couldn't spend any time with her daughter at the moment or why she couldn't have a half day with her next week? Having some one on one time while on holiday would be a lovely way te bond!

At 5 is she doing activities every single day?!

Thymeout · 23/05/2013 19:11

OP still hasn't answered the questions about what excuse she is going to give the school, and what she expects DD to say if/when someone asks her why she was off.

One day off for one child may seem unimportant. But schools tend to see it differently because attendance figures affect Ofsted ratings. And it's a sllppery slope from turning a blind eye to one mother's bonding needs Hmm to another mother's can't be arsed to get out of bed in time.

crashdoll · 23/05/2013 19:55

"She'll remember this day forever" is a load of sentimental crap! Do what you like, keep your child off school but don't try to justify it by pretending it's a once in a lifetime experience.

lljkk · 23/05/2013 20:14

YANBU.
I used to have one or 2 mental health days off school every year, I now think my mom (always worked FT, too, I suspect she was pulling sickies herself) just booked them in so we could spend a bit of time together.

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 20:15

of making time got dismissed which is why some of us doubt this will be a one off or for the childs sake.

I was going to say something along those lines tbh a lot of us are baffled why a day off would be needed I know the little girl is maybe feeling a bit left out because her sister takes up to much time, blah blah

but a 'special day' is way to over the top if this was a we are going away for the weekend some posters would say yeah keep her off school it is only a day etc
but to keep a child off to spend the day with them and make them feel special and wanted imo is needy and selfish probably on the mothers part to relieve some guilt which is sad,

it is easy to manage time to spend with children even large families manage I do think by the op the little girl is doing far too much after school and this is partly the reason the mum wants to take this day off , manage time and spend time with your child , keep her off if you like tbh it really makes no odds to any of the posters but really what happens when she feels a bit neglected next time, this little girl is in school her mum can't clutch her to her busom every time she feels sad about not spending time with her child,

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 20:19

She'll remember that day forever

no she wont will she say at 25 oh i remember the day my mum took me out of school no she won't she will remember the time her mum couldnt give what she needed because she was busy with her sister and after school clubs. sorry i sound harsh but really she will remember it forever Hmm

Floggingmolly · 23/05/2013 20:24

What are you planning to do on this special day that she'll remember forever?????? The holiday will have a hard act to follow, obviously.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 23/05/2013 20:50

I have done this once or twice when both ds and I were frazzled. Nobody died. We went to the seaside for the day, and did maths games on the train!Small children have years of the sausage factory ahead of them, years to conform and obey.
Every now and then its good for the ( and you, because you matter too) too say " fuck it. Lets break the rules a little bit".
But, in the future, maybe can some of the after school activities, and let dd relax a bit?

wonderingagain · 23/05/2013 20:52

Jeez I've never seen such highly hoiked judgy pants as on this thread.

OK she's only five she may not remember it forever, but you will and I do believe she will get a lot out of it. One to one time with Mummy is hard to find in your household and if taking a day off is the only way you can manage it, what with both of you doing shifts in order to cover duties, so be it.

OP do what you feel is right for you.

crashdoll · 23/05/2013 21:03

I only got judgey because OP cannot be arsed to listen to suggestions to making more time for her DD in the longterm which suggests that this may not be a one-off. I also wonder if this day off is about the OP or the child.

Oblomov · 23/05/2013 21:05

Why hasn't op answered the q about sn? Op is a parent who lives through her child. I think it is selfish self indulgent parenting.

MarnieMadden · 23/05/2013 21:22

I just don't understand this way of thinking at all, keeping child off school to have bonding time. What's wrong with weekends, after school, up coming half term holidays?
I think you need to organise your time between your children better, rather than keep your daughter off school. As an eldest daughter myself, I never felt like I needed a day off school without my sister there, to have some quality time with my mam.
I'm sorry but if school is open, and your child isn't physically unwell then that's where she should be.

dearcathyandclare · 23/05/2013 21:30

I did this with my son when he was in reception, went up to London for a ' mummy day' without his sisters, visited a gallery, drew lots of pictures and he did some of his first ever real writing. He still remembers that special day out of school and no it did not set a precedent or ruin his attitude to school. He is in year 10 now but for both of us it feels like yesterday.
My view, go for it and trust your instincts as a parent.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 23/05/2013 21:53

Op hasn't been around for a while!

Why not just book a day of holiday instead of being dishonest?

I'm a teacher too, and it makes me laugh when people say they do bugger all in reception. They are learning more in FS/key stage 1 than at any other time in their school careers, IMO. Eg how to actually read and write, add up, socialise, deal with others, etc etc. We lay the foundations.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 23/05/2013 22:09

OP back.

We have dropped an activity to have regular time alone but it's only once every 6 weeks or so that DP has that day off. The things she wants us t do are local/home based so can't do them on holiday. Younger DDs SN have made her difficult for DP to care for, it isn't that he hasn't tried. Elder DD sometimes has night terrors during which she's been sick before but previously I've still sent her to school the next day as knew she didn't have germs. However technically school have a 48 hours off after sickness policy so could utilise that and DD wouldn't be lying to anyone. Black holes - I agree that they learn lots at this age but she's a year ahead in reading alone so don't think she'd be affected by one day, during which time she wants to do some educational things one on one which is more than she'd get to do at school

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 23/05/2013 22:12

Ok OP, so why can't you do whatever it is during half term?