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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd have a day off school because i miss her?

465 replies

LittleLisa78 · 22/05/2013 22:45

DD is in reception. DP works shifts and doesn't have a weekend off til July but does have many weekdays off. Youngest DD is 1 and very full on so elder DD has not had any real one on one time with me since she was born and has been asking repeatedly for it but it's difficult with dps shifts and extra curricular activities after school. She and I both just want a full day with each other having fun and doing things it's difficult to do when I have younger DD to look after too. AIBU to consider letting her have a day off school to do this?

OP posts:
TigerFeet · 23/05/2013 14:29

I really don't think that one on one time with an individual parent should be a "special day". If the OP feels so strongly about spending time with her daughter then I think she should be considering cutting back on the dd's schedule a bit and doing just that, on a regular basis.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 23/05/2013 14:50

I think you are wrong to think that a one off day is any kind of panacea. Can you not put shorter periods of more regular time into your schedule?

That said, When I was slightly older than your daughter, my father was very ill and my mother was totally bound up in taking care of him. She was able to arrange for a relative to come down for a couple of days and the school let me have them off. I was so grateful for a few days of having my mum. But we did it with permission (don't know if these days they'd be as willing).

MummytoKatie · 23/05/2013 15:11

arctic Well that's the irony - it always takes me a few minutes to work it out in the mornings. I just figured she was better at it than me as her head isn't as cluttered with "buy milk", "meeting on the 14th", "don't forget MIL's birthday" etc. She beats me at Peppa Pig Pairs these days so it wouldn't surprise me!

Op - how many activities does she do a week? I think you'd be better to building a regular thing where you and she have a few hours together whenever her "evenings off" are the same day as your partners day off. Then she can anticipate and look forward to them but also know that they will happen regularly.

Or if she is doing lots and lots of things maybe it is time to cut down. About 6 months ago I realised that I was spending my days off with dd telling her to hurry up, get in the car / buggy, get out of the car / buggy, stop dawdling, we were going to be late etc etc before driving like Jensen Button / running like Jess Ennis to whatever activity we were (always) late for. And then I cut down what she did. She does miss some of the activities I think but she now gets to potter around playing with her toys and when we met up with friends for lunch and one of them said " shall we go to the new ice cream shop for pudding" she got to sit out in the sunshine coating her face with eating chocolate ice cream on the one sunny day this year rather than have to race off to Mini Musicians

Admittedly she's a bit younger than your dd.

everlong · 23/05/2013 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 15:20

School is optional actually, that's why some people HE and by law are allowed to do so.

No the OP is not HEing but it's inaccurate to say its not optional.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 15:25

School is not optional once you have registered at a school and sent your child there for the best part of a year is it?
I mean, surely you can't just invoke the "actually, school is optional" rule whenever you feel like it?

Otherwise there would be no unauthorized absences, no fines, no worries about taking your children out of a school for a day whenever you feel like it?

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 15:46

I think you can actually, within reason, at that age.

School is optional, education is not. If the OP feels there is value in her 5 year old child being out of school for the odd day, then yes in that case I believe it's optional.

VinegarDrinker · 23/05/2013 15:48

She isn't talking about taking her out for educational reasons though.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 15:50

So why are there unauthorized abscences then? If it is not compulsory to attend the school you are registered at, why on earth is there education attendance officers and people being fined in court?

everlong · 23/05/2013 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

landrover · 23/05/2013 16:02

FGS its one day!! get a grip everyone, child won't have a clue! parent and child will love it1!! reception class does bloody naff all most days anyway, then they are in school for the next 14 years, get a grip people! so what if it is for the parents sake!!!!!!!

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 16:02

I think the odd day out at the parents discretion for tiredness or bonding time is and should be at the discretion of the parent. It's remarkably easy to withdraw your child from school you know, it's only on here that everyone makes a big meal out of it, ranting about it being compulsory. It's not. I agree do one or the other and commit to that but if you choose the "school" route I do not think that one day off a term for five year olds is an issue and neither do any of the education professionals have known.

I also find it quite amusing how this obsession with attendance diminishes and ways round it can be found when nuisance SEN kids are involved. I was regularly asked to keep my ds with ASD home when there were "stressful" ofsted inspections days happening. Somehow his attendance wasn't an issue then.

So I am sorry but I am just not able to get worked up about it. Believe me the school do not care about your child being there as much as you do.

landrover · 23/05/2013 16:04

I am truly amazed at people saying create a precedent!!! fgs its reception!!!!

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 16:06

"dangerous" precedent in one post Grin

everlong · 23/05/2013 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 23/05/2013 16:17

Well, yes create a precedent.

Because the OP has already said that there is no other time she can spend with her dd. so she takes her out of school, they both love it, 3 months later she is back in the same position. Or dd wants a day off to spend time with mum because it was ok last year so why isn't it ok this year.

That's the precedent.

pinkdelight · 23/05/2013 16:17

Haven't read all eleven (!) pages but has anyone suggested the DP taking a day off at the weekend so OP can have one-to-one time with DD? I know they're on hol next week so presume that he's able to take time off. And it'd be better to use one of his days off rather than missing school. Although I'm not sure about the precedent thing, there is still the underlying sense that school isn't a big deal, seeing as the OP seems tp favour skipping school for a day rather than any of the other options.

crunchbag · 23/05/2013 16:20

I don't have a problem with having a 'duvet day' for an infants school age child now and again especially when it's a long term, but to do it the day before half term when you have planned a family holiday seems very strange.

And if you really haven't had 1to1 time with DD for 15 months, one day is not going to magically make that better. You need to do better than that.

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 16:25

get a grip people! so what if it is for the parents sake

I didnt quote the many exclamations marks there were OTT, so if it is for a parents sake what if the parent feels they are lonley on another day then maybe a week , etc etc , taking a child out of school to spend time with the one to one is rather odd the child is obviously missing some time with her mum but I do think it is too needy and the OP (who hasn't come back ) will have to reschedule her time better,

louisianablue2000 · 23/05/2013 16:27

Do it! I had an accidental home day with DD1, she'd been a bit poorly at the weekend so when she woke up on the Monday and said she didn't want to go to school because she felt rotten I accepted it (she loves school and had never asked for a day off before) and kept her home. By 10am she was fine (the power of breakfast and calpol) so we had a nice relaxed morning at home. She did flake out in the afternoon so I think she wasn't 100% but these things can be difficult to call sometimes. But maybe I'm not the best person to ask since I took her out when my family came down from Scotland during the Scottish October break. I reckon she got as much education out of our days out as she would have at school.

landrover · 23/05/2013 16:27

Sorry for all
the !!!!

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 16:28

one day is not going to magically make that better. You need to do better than that.

this making a special day in over a year isn't going to make the girl very happy yes I know children are tiring but there is 5 years between these children surely the OP can make time for her eldest dd it doesn't need to be a special day, and it might send out a message that the sister is a nuiscence which she isn't

mrsjay · 23/05/2013 16:28

Sorry for all
the !!!!

tis ok they were a wee bit dramatic though Grin

Floggingmolly · 23/05/2013 16:29

Have you actually explained yet, op, why the holiday in half term you're all going on won't be enough? Why can't your dh take the baby one day during the holiday to let the bonding session take place?
Taking a day off school is not literally the only chance you'll get, it just for some reason seems the easiest option.

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 16:34

I think there's far too much worrying about creating precedents (dangerous or otherwise) in day to day parenting and that fear prevents us from enjoying our kids AND life!

Kids aren't little dangerous animals that must be contained and controlled at all costs. Most children I know are perfectly capable of recognising that something is a one off and not often repeated.

What are you all so scared of? A tantrum when she decides she might fancy staying at home today? I have never experienced this. They don't seem to need it explaining that this is a one off and won't be happening again.

All this caution about parenting to prevent a problem in the future. It's so bloody stressful. Just deal with things as they arise and do what feels right.