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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for positive pnd outcome stories?

482 replies

CailinDana · 22/05/2013 16:41

Have finally admitted i have pnd. I've had depression before so i know i have a slow road to recovery ahead. I would so appreciate anyone else's stories of how they overcame pnd. I need some reassurance at the moment.

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Original poster
CailinDana · 25/05/2013 18:13

I can't believe how kind you all are.thank you

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teacher123 · 25/05/2013 18:41

Have come a bit late to this thread, but reading it really resonates. DS is 13 months and I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety about 3 months ago and am currently on Setraline. My anxiety all revolves around his sleeping (or lack thereof) and I have had full on panic attacks about whether he's had his naps or not. I was absolutely incapable of going with the flow, or just seeing what happens. However, as he is getting older and with the tablets I am slowly getting better.

He was such an appalling sleeper for the first six months I became completely obsessed with how, when and where he slept. I am actually a lot calmer now I'm back at work because three days a week his schedule isn't my problem, and my CM and family are really chilled out about it so don't let it worry them.

I am a complete control freak in everyday life though (bloody teachers!) and I think the total RANDOMNESS of a new baby just threw me. I am now really looking forward to when he's a bit bigger and able to communicate better.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so awful, I really hope things pick up soon xx

Original poster
CailinDana · 25/05/2013 18:55

I'm obsessed about sleeping too teacher, despite the fact that dd sleeps quite well normally. I have a nightly routine to get her to sleep and if any of it doesn't go to plan i feel despair. Tonight's routine is already off so i'm not happy. I totally went with the flow with ds but i just can't with dd.

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teacher123 · 25/05/2013 19:30

Despair is a word I have used! However this afternoon DS didn't nap properly and I managed to not completely meltdown. This is a HUGE amount of progress, before I would literally shake with panic and anxiety. I have friends on Facebook who merrily have no routine and somehow manage to blithely cope and I feel poorly if he's late with a meal/a nap.

How old is your DD?

Original poster
CailinDana · 25/05/2013 19:39

3 months. She slept for 3 hours this afternoon so i'm expecting a restless night. She used to take a bottle so i could leave her with dh while i got a couple of hours but now she won't so unless she sleeps for me i get no sleep. Lack of sleep seriously affects my mood.

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Badvoc · 25/05/2013 19:42

There is a reason that sleep deprivation is a torture method op!
It's the pits. Seriously.
Ds1 would only sleep in 40 mon snatches day and night for the first few months.
I was hallucinating with fatigue.
And then if anyone else had him I couldn't sleep!
:(

Original poster
CailinDana · 25/05/2013 19:46

Ds was a much worse sleeper but i coped better, i suppose because i didn't get worked up about it. Plus he would have a bottle so i could have a break.

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teacher123 · 25/05/2013 19:50

I'm glad you're not leaving it as late as I did to get help, I waited until 10 months, and it was a nightmare.

Get through a day at a time. And eat lots of cake!

I still torment myself if he has a bad night, am convinced its the beginning of a new terrible regression and I'll never sleep again. BUT the intrusive thoughts are definitely improving, it WILL get better xxx

BinksToEnlightenment · 25/05/2013 21:24

Yes, I had it very badly. I spent every day in so much emotional pain that it almost felt physical. Like a dull ever present throbbing ache in my bones. I day dreamed about dying morning and night. Not that there was a morning or night. It was about nine months of one long endless awful day. I wanted so desperately to get in a dark room, in bed with the duvet over my head and never get up. On more occasions than I'd like to admit, I completely lost it and screamed at my son to shut up. I eventually ended up in hospital with physical problems from neglecting to look after myself.

I had a short course of antidepressants, a lot of sleep, time swapped my screaming baby for a more manageable child and now I am completely fine. More than fine. I am gleefully happy with my life.

My son doesn't remember a second of it. He's one of the happiest little children you could ever meet.

teacher123 · 25/05/2013 21:42

DS was also a bottle refuser, adding to the totally trapped feeling. Sippy cups from 6mo here...! Funnily enough though I found the first few months hideous physically (exhaustion, recovering from c-section etc) but not too bad emotionally at the time, because I had a sort of siege mentality. It was bloody hard work but it didn't make me particularly anxious. However as soon as it started improving, that's when the crazy superstitions started and the terrible anxiety, as it was the fear of going back to what it was.

resipsa · 25/05/2013 21:48

Sorry to hijack OP but everyone else, when do you think true memories begin to be formed? I ask because I think I am becoming depressed again (this time the cause is secondary infertility and the catalyst has been a failed IVF cycle) and am worried of the effects on DD who is 2 years 4 months. Since I had the news of the failure on Monday, I have been a terrible mother to her; short-tempered, shouty, cruel (refusing to pick her up/hold her hand). Today I told her as I cried that she had made me sad because she was naughty (she was but that did not cause the tears) and she repeated this to DH later. Do you think she will remember this week beyond next week if I make an effort to be normal? Sorry again OP.

pinkballetflats · 25/05/2013 22:43

I'm in the Midlands area too OP if you want to chat.

I promise it does get better.

Nightmare is the only way I can describe the memories I have of my DC's first years - it didn't help that I had terrible insomnia and an H who had emotionally abandoned me - but eventually I got through it.

x

VisualiseAHorse · 25/05/2013 23:26

It is certainly a nightmare time.

But, looking back, I am amazed at how I did it. There were days where OH would go off to work at 8am. Baby would go back to sleep and I would cry until he woke, pretend I was fine (for him), then he would sleep again and I would cry again. And then when OH would come in in the evening, I would have everything done and ready, tea on the table etc. He didn't have a clue how I felt. Once we began talking about it though, it really helped the constant anxious feelings.

I am also surprised that there was never any threat of my baby being taken away. Even when I said I wanted to leave him at the hospital in case his mum was waiting for him there etc, it was never ever suggested that someone else should look after him.

It will get better.

Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 09:10

Another day. Finding it hard to get out of bed.

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LarvalFormOfOddSock · 26/05/2013 10:53

Hi Cailin. I'm sorry. Me too. And it's a beautiful sunny day here. It makes me feel even worse that I can't appreciate a nice day. I wish I could stay in bed and the world go away.

teacher123 · 26/05/2013 12:05

Hi Cailin, hope you've managed to get up and are outside in the sunshine. I'm feeling a bit low today, DS definitely naps better for everyone except me, and that just makes me feel a bit inadequate. I also feel guilty because he's going to inlaws today so we can do fun stuff and I'm looking forward to it! I know he'll be having the best time but I still can't shake the feeling that he should be with me, and I shouldn't be pleased he's not here. Sorry that was terribly written!

However, I'm going to make the best of a lovely day with DH, and thinking of all the people who are struggling x x

Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 12:17

We went to the park. Now there's a whole lot of day left to get through.

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teacher123 · 26/05/2013 12:23

Have you eaten anything today? X

Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 12:32

Just having some pasta. Friend is here so that's a help.

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Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 12:42

I am irrationally annoyed at dh for going into work.

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Badvoc · 26/05/2013 13:28

Yep.
I used to get that too.
I would be so angry at him for "abandoning" me.

Apparentlychilled · 26/05/2013 17:43

I used to be furious when he even left the house. I resented his freedom. And the fact that he cd have some childless time (even if that was just at work).

Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 18:00

Dd used to take a bottle but dh went away with work for a week and i bfed her the whole time with the wonderful consequence that she now completely refuses bottles. I feel trapped.

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Apparentlychilled · 26/05/2013 18:08

Is it nearly your ds' bedtime? How had dd been today?

I felt trapped by bf too, but didn't want to give up (as I felt like it was the only thing I was doing "right". I know there's nothing wrong w ff, but that's how it felt for me).

When he's home cd you get dh to try her w a bottle each day, just to keep trying? I ended up doing mixed feeding (by getting stuck in traffic one night and not being home in time. DS was hungry enough to take a bottle, so we did mixed feeding from 6 months till just before he turned 1). Will she take milk from a syringe? Or is it just that she wants the comfort of bf as well as the food?

Original poster
CailinDana · 26/05/2013 18:32

Ds will go to bed at about 7.30. I'm not sure if dd will take milk from a syringe perhaps i should try.

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