To complain about cliquey school mums?

[wandymum]

The other mums at DS' school are super cliquey and it appears I'm not one of the cool kids. Usually try and ignore it but a couple of things they've done recently have resulted in DS and a few others being left out at school.

They arranged after school tennis lessons for their little darlings without telling us. Not a school activity but the teacher helps the kids who go change into PE kit before pick up and then they all go off together leaving a few kids out.

Queen Bee of the clique is also class PTA rep so it's pretty much impossible to get involved in PTA things if you aren't in her group. Case in point today was that they asked for people to help with school play but she only invited her chums to the meeting about it.

Good or bad idea to complain to school? Obviously means I'll drop more points in the popularity stakes but might stop DS feeling left out.

Tbh why not just explain to the child that it isn't a school activity but the school are helping them get changed. Stuff like this can make you feel a bit uncomfortable but to complain might make you look a bit petty and silly. I'd let it go.

I don't see how it can even be a PTA if there are any restrictions on joining. The definition of a PTA is that any parent can join who wants to. I would make this our starting point for a discussion with the head and ask for a list of meeting dates to be publicly displayed. Then approach the tennis thing.

Our place is the same, only our PTA moans about nobody helping, however if you do volunteer they can apparently cope, then at clear up time get at martyr-sih, very very dull.

I once volunteered by DH to help facepaint (he is excellent at it) and the women asked me if I was putting him up for a bet, a way to embarrass him. I was about to comment that that would be an immensely puerile thing to do and she said that was the sort of thing she would do to her DH. Never offered again. I work fulltime so don't get to be part of any Clique as I don't get time to chat/coffee/gym/bitch after drop offs. I was however given some excellent advise which I now stick to:

• Smile, wave with a cheery 'hello' whilst still walking past them, they have no choice but to say hello back else out themselves as uber-rude

• They aren't excluding people on purpose, more so too self involved to actually invite others in. So, if you want in, you gotta dive right in

• Downgrade any person who you previously considered a 'friend' who is not playing nice to the parent of your child's friend. Makes it much easier not to take the silly exclusions personally

• Start you own socials with people you actually like

• Run a series of FAB playdates for your DCs, have a run of kids over, make it fun, make sure they go back and say how cool your house is

It is upsetting but don't let your own feelings get in the way of how this is actually affecting your DC. If they are being left out then act appropriately, if you are being left out, jump one way or the other. Get involved or don't give a stuff.