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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask family NOT to come to the hospital after dc is born?

43 replies

ditsydoll · 21/05/2013 18:26

I'm due this week. This will be dc2 and I would like everyone to leave the visiting until we get home simply because I would like dd to have some time with just us before were bombarded with visitors.

Dh thinks I'm being really mean because his mum will want to see the baby, I'll probably only be in for a few hours if all goes well. Iv already told my mum and she's totally fine with it.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/05/2013 18:27

yanbu, makes much more sense to wait until your home

LastTangoInDevonshire · 21/05/2013 18:29

How old is DD?

Original poster
ditsydoll · 21/05/2013 18:30

Dd is 4

OP posts:
getyourheadout · 21/05/2013 18:36

you will probably be shoved out in about 4 hours , seems a bit stupid people coming to hospital and getting in the way , people forget you are bloody knackered and want to get to know your baby yourself ,tell them you will ring them when you are ready for visits .

elliejjtiny · 21/05/2013 18:39

YANBU

Nicknamegrief · 21/05/2013 18:50

It is obviously your decision and people should respect that. Your body will have just gone through a lot. If you are only in for a few hours then I would completely understand it and want it myself.

I've always been in for at least three days and with my first didn't have visitors (we were 6+ hours away from family). Having watched my mother in law cradle my third child when she was just 5 hours old I would never think to deny anyone the opportunity (health pending). A newborn is such a precious bundle I will never get to hold a newborn that new unless its mine or my children allow me that privilege. I hope they do to be honest, but would have to respect their decision if they don't.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 21/05/2013 18:54

It would probably only be the morning after when they did see baby.
Providing all goes well I'll be in and out within a day and would be happy for them to come to our home where we will be a little more settled.

OP posts:
LadyKinbote · 21/05/2013 18:55

I'd say "No visitors until I've had a chance to recover properly" and then, when it comes to it you can be "too tired" until you get home!

MortifiedAdams · 21/05/2013 18:59

I invited everyone and their aunt to the hospital - meant I got a couple of days at home before they wanted to see DD again.

However, I wouldnt find it odd if someone said.no visitors to.me in the days and weeks after their birth - id be there with cake and nappies for them.whenever best suited them.

Thurlow · 21/05/2013 19:03

YANBU, because it's your decision. But as nicknamegrief said, the memory of the grandparents meeting their new grandaughter when she was so very, very new is an absolutely gorgeous one for me.

AmataesAmataes · 21/05/2013 19:10

YANBU.

I am due in four weeks and there is absolutely no fucking way I am having anyone other than myself and DH (and medical staff obviously) at the hospital. I expect to be exhausted, sweaty and hormonal after the birth and I quite frankly do not want to have to worry about my MIL or parents coming and having to look presentable and get myself together until I am back in my own home.

RiotsNotDiets · 21/05/2013 19:11

YANBU, when I had DD all of ExH's family turned up at the hospital unannounced and insisted on taking photos of me looking like crap. They all wanted to hold DD too, and I hadn't managed to bf successfully yet so I was getting pretty anxious that I needed to get some milk into her.

It was just very unpleasant and I wanted them all to fuck off to the far side of fuck.
If I could go back in time I would have banned visitors at all for the first week at least.

TheRealFellatio · 21/05/2013 19:16

I think it's absolutely fine to say no visitors so long as you keep it fair and consistent on both sides of the family.

clam · 21/05/2013 19:17

Dh invited mil (who, actually, I adored) to the hospital after ds1 arrived and she said she might pop in, but she wasn't sure if she'd have time as she was playing bridge that evening!
That said, she was meant to have been going to London for the day when dh told her I was in labour. She cancelled her plans (despite dh trying to persuade her to go as it might be a long time until the baby put in an appearance) and it turned out that the train she always caught home on such trips, crashed that day, just outside Watford!

tobytoes · 21/05/2013 19:22

Yanbu. I did exactly that. I told everyone to stay away from hospital and our home and let us breathe. We visited them when WE were ready. Its your pregnancy,your birth,your child,your rules.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/05/2013 19:27

YANBU

you know how you felt about it last time, and you know what you want.

I agree about trying to be consistent.

PurplePidjin · 21/05/2013 19:31

I was the other way round - got the family visits out of the way while there were lots of strict midwives around to enforce visiting hours :o

You're the one pushing a baby out of your fanjo/getting your abdomen sliced open - you make the rules!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/05/2013 19:34

YANBU. It's totally up to you.

SanityClause · 21/05/2013 19:38

Don't be so precious!

Let people know that you're unlikely to be in long and that DH will call them to let them know if it's worth going into the hospital. anyway you may be better off to have them coming to the hospital than having to see them at home, and "entertain".

DontmindifIdo · 21/05/2013 19:43

YANBU - as you will only be in for one day it seems silly - in fact depending on the timings, you could end up having to stay longer because they are on their way etc. As you are happy for them to come the next day, could you say that as it's your second, if everything goes according to plan, you'll be sent home in a couple of hours (if you say 4 it sounds like there's time for a visit, but most of that you'll be being sorted out and catching your breath!), you'd like DD to be able to have the first afternoon/evening with the new baby and then the next day you're up for visitors - but obviously if there's complications, you know they will understand changing the plans... (giving you an opt out if you really just need to rest and not have visitors the next day)

DontmindifIdo · 21/05/2013 19:46

Oh and I do know woman who've ended up having to spend longer in hosptial than otherwise they would have just to fit in family visits who wanted to see them ASAP, and were already in the car on the way at the point the new mum would otherwise have been getting in the car to go to her house. It does seem rather a waste of staff time if you don't need to stay in hospital to stay there just so grandparents can get to see the baby a few hours earlier.

And it is nice to make DD the most important visitor!

Original poster
ditsydoll · 21/05/2013 19:47

I'm not really too bothered about where I see them, I do actually love my in laws. Iv told my own mum to stay away for the same reasons so I am keeping it consistent on both sides.
I'd just like my DD to have abit of quiet time with us and the baby before they all come and see us.
I have to admit though I was a little overwhelmed last time when my mum, brother, sil, sister, mil, fil, bil's and girlfriends came in when I had just realised I had bled through my pad onto my pink nightie and the bed :)

OP posts:
buswanker · 21/05/2013 19:47

YANBU at all.
But YABU not to have read the other thread like this :)

myroomisatip · 21/05/2013 19:47

YANBU

Unfortunately my eldest was not given a chance to meet his sibling in a sensitive way and because I had MIL and all and sundry come to visit it was horrendous.

There is still jealousy and resentment years later :(

SantanaLopez · 21/05/2013 19:49

Sounds very fair!

Just tell them what you've written.

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