To not let DD wear make-up or nail varnish, or to encourage 'sexy' behaviour?

[PavlovtheCat]

She is 6, almost 7. Lots of her female friends wear make-up to birthday parties - lipstick. eye shadow, mascara, blusher, have their hair styled in quite a grown up way, with hairspray, wear kitten heels etc. OK, some of her friends wear some of these things, not always at the same time. Although, DDs best friend dresses in all of this at once to a party.

Also, a couple of friends have had a pamper party (for 6th birthday) with a beautician coming to do hair, face and nails. DD didn't go to those as she was not around for them (phew).

DD has asked before to wear nail varnish, and I have let her have green when she has been a witch, or black when she was a cat. And on her 6th birthday she had some of my clear sparkle on her lips, for fun. But that is it. She has accepted that she does not need make up at her age, and for the most part, gets on with her life without it bothering her.

This morning she asked if we could have a girly day where she gets to wear some of my make-up and has her nails painted. I said no.

I am feeling a bit pressured by other parents, as they take it in their stride that this is normal for a 6/7 year old to want, and they actively encourage it. I will give an example. DD went to a friend's house with some other female friends. They played 'fashion parade' and all came down the stairs dressed in friend's different pretty outfits. The emphasis was on being sexy, they strutted down the stairs (DD tried, but, well it's not her natural look!) and one friend had her oversized jumper pulled down off her shoulder and wiggled her hips as she came down, pouted her red lipsticked mouth and all the women in the room applauded and whistled 'sexeee!'. I sort of stood there, open mouthed, and actually cringed. I am not sure if it was obvious, and I felt I should have said something but was quite outnumbered so didn't encourage but also didn't want to look like a prude.

She really is a beautiful little girl, and likes to dress prettily, which I am happy for her to do, with lovely dresses and her hair up in different ways. She is also happy wearing her football boots (one mum was shocked that DD played football like it was not ok as she was a girl!).

So. Am I being a prude to not encourage DD wearing make-up, nail varnish etc, am I being a prude to not find her strutting sexy, and not wanting her to wear make-up? Am I being OTT by not even wanting her to wear lipstick or nail varnish? Do I need to lighten up a little and not be so uptight at sexy dancing and sexualised behaviour? (which I suspect some of the mums think of me) is 6/7 actually ok for this and I just don't want my little girl to grow up? Or, is my cringing and feeling uncomfortable with this, is it that because it is is OTT at this age?

I'm not sure me being unreasonable will change my behaviour but it would be helpful to get some perspective on whether it is me with the problem and to at least pretend to lighten up. Or whether I can keep my judgey-pants on.

im in the middle on this one.

to me yabu by refusing point blank to let your DD wear make up around the house with you.

yanbu with regards to your DD dressing too old to go out. My eldest DD is 6 and a half and during school holidays she has her nails painted in a colour she wants (i have rather alot of polish ). But she doesnt wear short skirts or short shorts.

DD adores make up. She is four.

However it is child make up, applied by her (so think rocky horror show, rather than beautifully applied stuff). She wears this with her pretty dresses and thinks she looks gorgeous. I occasionally paint her nails whenever I get my arse in gear to paint my own

But there is a massive difference between children playing and then making this 'sexy' for children. I allow DD to wear her make up, but wouldn't apply it properly, like I do for myself. Also, she is aware it is for play and not for school or even parties.

I am lost at grown up hair though? DD can barely brush hers, let alone style it in any manner, so mostly its bunches or plaits, and I would have no idea if these were considered distinctly grown up by adults.

YANBU I hate this. Also surprised at how indulgent many of my friends are about it - intelligent professional women who usually hold similar opinions to me about parenting stuff are perfectly happy to hold pamper parties/encourage nail varnishing and tattoos. I feel abit of prude. I think the line between dressing up play and looking just wrong is a fine one.

Did buy one of those girls world heads though which my two (6 and 4) play with for hours so I am a hypocrite I guess but then at least its not on them. Also they face paint her as well as traditional tarting up make up.

Little girls out in public at parties etc in full make up is abhorrent I was shocked when 6 year olds turned up at non uniform day with face fulls of carefully applied grown up make

The sexy stuff and loads of make up is horrid.

But a bit of pale pink nail varnish on her toes - well do that for my 3 year old. She also has her own lip balm.

How can children not get the message that this is sexy when adult women are baring a childs shoulder and chanting "sexee" as she sashays down a staircase.

I too dressed up as a child but in a playing at being grown up way that was nothing like this.

I was once helping out at a party in a proffessional capacity when I was horrified to overhear the parents of a five year old saying that she had a sexy Bridget Bardo pout and couldn't you just imagin her in lipstick It made me feel sick.

YANBU It seems to be a modern thing for parents to refere to their children as sexy and it's totally innapropriate

a little innocent play with mums makeup at home is different.

I have no issue with 14/15 year olds wearing make up. My almost 15 year old saves up her pocket money and buys Mac and Benefit :). She has better make up than me.

My girls never got invited to any of these pamper party things.In fact I don't know anyone that had one.

YABU its a bit of make up and nail polish for god sake its hardly going to cause any harm.

My dds are 8&9 and regularly go to the nail bar to have the manicure done they love it they also wear lipgloss etc qiote alot and have clear for school theres nothing wrong in a little girl wanting to look pretty and have a little bit of pride in they're appearance. There are bigger battles to fight as they grow up this isn't one of them.

Why do so many hate girls to be girly girls? I love little girls all pretty with the hair all done and a wee bit of lip gloss on they have so much confidence in themselves

Makeup and sexy strutting are defo no no for me! But I let my Dd wear nail varnish occasionally at home. She is 3.4. I don't wear make up so I certainly wouldn't let my 6/7 year old wear it.

But they should be able to have confidence in themselves without it needing to painted on!

Mine do but they like to look nice, I am all for people making an effort though. They are going to all do it eventually I see no harm in it at all .making a big song and dance of your child not doing something is going to cause more problems than coming to a compromise

So true Zola. In a shopping centre as I passed with my two gorgeous little charges, a man selling hair tongs called out "would you like me to make the little girl look beautiful" I took great pleasure in replying "the little girl is already beautiful, Thank you"

Taking pride in yourself for a child is about brushed hair, nice clothes
and suchlike, not wearing makeup put in this context it gives a message to the child that somehow they are not good enough without powder and paint!

Exactly,khaosandkalamity I don't mind the DDs dressing up and putting in make up for fun. I don't mind DD(15) wearing it when she goes out, like an adult woman does.

I do mind the risk that teens feel they can't be seen without it. That make up, the clothes they wear and what they look like define who they are.

I think it's very dangerous that school doesn't enforce the no make up rule. Heavy foundation can not be good for teens skin or, long term for their self-esteem.

Pavlov, YANBU at all, I was horrified at the thought of 6 and 7 year olds wearing make up except when playing at home. This has made me glad that I haven't got any grandchildren - I would hate to see my DD's or DIL's struggling with a dilemma like yours. What do you think of offering alternatives to your daughter's friends - bring old clothes, we're going to make miniature gardens/cook our own pizzas or cupcakes/play rounders in the park?