Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take dds packed lunch to school?

80 replies

BastardDog · 17/05/2013 09:15

Dd is 12. Last week I put her onto packed lunches as it was becoming obvious that she was going without eating all day at school and then going to the shop in the evening and using her dinner money to buy items such as a six pack of crisps, a 4 pack of Tic Tacs, 3 100g bars of chocolate etc.

So today she has forgotten to take her packed lunch to school and has no money so has asked school reception to ring me and ask me to deliver her lunch, a one hour round trip as I have no car.

I am not working until 12 today so in theory I have time, but I feel cross to have been put in this position.

School have said they will not lend her any money, which I understand.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 17/05/2013 09:18

ask school to give her some toast or something?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/05/2013 09:19

I would. She can't go without lunch.

Although I know you say she has been doing. But it's really not good for her.

I think it's a bit mean of the school to not let her use the canteen and settle up on monday.

TanteRose · 17/05/2013 09:19

I wouldn't

she'll be fine for one day

raisah · 17/05/2013 09:20

Can they not give her a hot dinner and you pay them back on Monday. It seems a bit harsh for the school not to feed her since they know what the situation is. Ring them and see what they say.

drinkyourmilk · 17/05/2013 09:22

Don't you ever forget anything? I think you are being harsh tbh

FreudiansSlipper · 17/05/2013 09:27

that is a bit mean

we all forget things sometimes.

talk to the school again if not take it up

QuertyQueen · 17/05/2013 09:28

I would. She's only just gone onto packed lunch, she's not used to making sure she has it yet.

TheOneWithTheHair · 17/05/2013 09:30

It undermines your point about eating properly if you don't take it. It's either important or it isn't. You will be sending mixed messages.

Take it but give her a warning. If she forgets again give her a small consequence.

Groovee · 17/05/2013 09:31

Our school gives them a school dinner then you pay it back. Dd is at High School.

wonderingsoul · 17/05/2013 09:32

depending on how the school dinner are done, could they not give her one and you pay monday. ours you had to bring in money for what you wanted, and pay at the till in the lunch room.

i think its a bit mean, and doesnt really help your action of getting her to eat healthy at lunch time.

DeepRedBetty · 17/05/2013 09:33

I take left behind packed lunches in, but it's not too difficult to do. DTD1 went through a phase of forgetting it a couple of times a week and I did impose a warning followed by penalty which made her a lot more reliable.

yaimee · 17/05/2013 09:33

I'd take it this once bit warn her that if it happens again you won't.
Agree with theone if you're trying to teach her the importance of eating proper regular meals, then leaving her without a lunch undermines your point.

manicinsomniac · 17/05/2013 09:35

An hour round trip for a lunch? Gosh, YANBU, I wouldn't do it. Unless it's a private school she'll probably be home by, what, 4? 4.30? That's nowhere near dinner time so she's missing a meal but not having to wait until the next one to eat.

Sounds like she's been used to missing lunch anyway and eating on the way home so not much difference.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/05/2013 09:39

In view of the time it would take you to take the lunch to her I'm sure the school has some policy in place? To sub her a lunch ticket and you pay back on Monday (ours do ParentPay for things like trips )

Or if you do have to make the trip, make her give you back the hour with chores around the house.

bonkersLFDT20 · 17/05/2013 09:40

What would the school do if you actually couldn't take the lunch in?

I certainly would not take my son's forgotten stuff in. It would mean a 1/2hr drive home from work to collect forgotten item, 1/2hr to the school, and 20 mins back to work. Nope.

When he's forgotten his lunch money he's borrowed from friends (the odd 20p, 50p - add up to get a roll or something).

coppertop · 17/05/2013 09:41

Our school would give the child a pre-loaded lunch card with enough money on it for a basic lunch. No actual cash required. It seems odd that the school makes no provision for this at all.

Original poster
BastardDog · 17/05/2013 09:42

Thank you. I've rung school back and said I give permission for her to come off school premises at lunchtime so she can come home and fetch it herself. I thought that was a good compromise.

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 17/05/2013 09:44

You can top up their dinner money online at our school, do they have that option at yours?

QuertyQueen · 17/05/2013 09:45

So SHE gets to do the hour round trip? I think that's selfish, sorry. She's only 12 and it's the first time.

MissFenella · 17/05/2013 09:48

you put her on packed lunch because she wasn't eating at lunch time and now you are making her miss lunch as a punishment. That is quite a confusing message to send her.

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 09:49

Nope I wouldn't do it. Sounds like she's been used to going without anyway when it suits (mine did the same btw), a few hours isn't going to see her starving to death.

Sirzy · 17/05/2013 09:50

Surely if its a one hour round trip that means she won't get any time to eat it or relax?

As its the first time she has forgotton I think you are being unreasonable

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 09:50

No the daughter has done it to herself by forgetting it. At high school they have to learn to take some responsibility for their own stuff, just like homework, school books, pe kit etc

Startail · 17/05/2013 09:53

She'll enjoy the trip and want to do it again.

Get out of school and wander about on my own all lunch time, no noise, no peers, bliss. I'd have forgot my lunch every day.

StuntGirl · 17/05/2013 09:53

I'd have taken it to her. Eating lunch is either important or not, you're giving her mixed messages.