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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take dds packed lunch to school?

80 replies

BastardDog · 17/05/2013 09:15

Dd is 12. Last week I put her onto packed lunches as it was becoming obvious that she was going without eating all day at school and then going to the shop in the evening and using her dinner money to buy items such as a six pack of crisps, a 4 pack of Tic Tacs, 3 100g bars of chocolate etc.

So today she has forgotten to take her packed lunch to school and has no money so has asked school reception to ring me and ask me to deliver her lunch, a one hour round trip as I have no car.

I am not working until 12 today so in theory I have time, but I feel cross to have been put in this position.

School have said they will not lend her any money, which I understand.

OP posts:
iloveweetos · 17/05/2013 11:27

I wouldnt take it in, i was in the same situation as Crazyoldcatlady

Its a good lesson to learn lol

brettgirl2 · 17/05/2013 11:58

I never understand all this Oh no well fed child going without lunch welfare nonsense. Missing one meal is hardly going to kill them is it? Can't you prepay for school dinners? Then she can't spend it on the way to school.

hopingforinsight · 17/05/2013 12:03

Skipping lunch is NOT a good lesson to learn sadly. Some kids will simply learn to remember their packed lunch, others will realise that they can get through the day without food, will learn to ignore hunger, and will develop anorexia. Anyway, how on earth is a child supposed to learn anything in the afternoon if they haven't eaten since breakfast?

I would have insisted the school provide lunch if this is the first time, I would then remind my DD daily to remember her packed lunch until she gets into the habit: you are her mother, she is 12, it's not a big deal for you to check that she has her school bag and her packed lunch with her when you send her out in the morning. Yes, of course she should learn to do it for herself but you are her back up. One reason that middle class children do better than others in life is parental support. You can give that to her whatever your financial situation.

lydiajones · 17/05/2013 12:03

An hour round trip - I don't think so. If she managed all day without lunch before and spent the money on junk after school she can manage without lunch today and eat it as soon as she gets in!

xylem8 · 17/05/2013 12:12

But she was skipping lunch every day when she got the chance.It is really really important to establish a proper eating pattern.

bonkersLFDT20 · 17/05/2013 12:13

hoping I think you're getting ahead of yourself a bit. It sounds like this is the first time it's happened. The reason the girl is having a packed lunch IS because her parents care about what she's eating.

I'd say that coming up to the end of year 7 the DD should already be in the habit of checking and double checking she has what she needs for the day.

I will be there as back-up if my son forgets to take his guitar to school when he's doing a performance, or doing an exam, but not for forgetting his lunch!

xylem8 · 17/05/2013 12:16

bonkers the dd was skipping lunch every day and buying sweets after school

whois · 17/05/2013 12:22

I think it's a bit mean of you OP not to take it.

I'd have taken it in and then tried to remind her. It's a bit shit to be left with no lunch what so ever.

loopydoo · 17/05/2013 12:23

It's NU t all....it will teach her to use her money wisely next time. And going without lunch for one day wouldnt have killed her.

CelticPixie · 17/05/2013 12:26

I can't believe the school refused to lend her money. Its a one off. I'm afraid I wouldn't let that lie.

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:26

Yanbu op, i think the school could have let her have dinner money and she could have repaid them on monday. Thats what happens at my boys schools.

My ds1 is at a high school that is 7miles? Away if he forgets anything its tough, i cant get it to him so he just remembers what he needs. I dont think it does them any good to bail them.out, if you were working it wouldnt be an option or if you cant drive there etc. That is the reality for lotd of high school kids and it was for me as well, i just learnt not to forget anything.

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:26

Yanbu op, i think the school could have let her have dinner money and she could have repaid them on monday. Thats what happens at my boys schools.

My ds1 is at a high school that is 7miles? Away if he forgets anything its tough, i cant get it to him so he just remembers what he needs. I dont think it does them any good to bail them.out, if you were working it wouldnt be an option or if you cant drive there etc. That is the reality for lotd of high school kids and it was for me as well, i just learnt not to forget anything.

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:29

Good call to say she can come home and get it herself.

Tho i am suprised the school wont let her have a school dinner tho. Ds1 has done this once and them he paid the school back with his pocket money as i had provided a lunch i wasnt paying for the school dinner. He hasnt forgotten his lunch again :)

Original poster
BastardDog · 17/05/2013 12:31

School have rung back. Dd is not going to walk home and get her lunch as its raining and she's also forgot her coat. (In reality she never takes a coat, even when it's freezing, as coats are apparently not cool) Instead her form tutor has issued her with an emergency dinner card which entitles her to the same as a child on free school dinners. I need to send the money in to pay for this on Monday.

What a palaver. I shall be having words later. For several weeks she's gone without school dinners to spend the money on crap after school, but now she's on packed lunches we have all this fuss about her forgetting her lunch.

Next year school are supposed to be getting a prepay dinner system which will simplify matters.

OP posts:
kelda · 17/05/2013 12:35

Sensible decision by the school.

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:36

Good that the school are providing her with lunch, why did they not offer that in the first place?

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 12:38

Good that the school are providing her with lunch, why did they not offer that in the first place?

Probably because they preferred the idea that a parent might do the trip and save them any bother

Hamwidge · 17/05/2013 12:44

I'm surprised the school let her leave knowing she lives half an hour away! That's an hour gone before she's got off the bus, got home, got lunch, waited for return bus. How long is lunch break??

Hamwidge · 17/05/2013 12:46

X post

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:47

But lots of parents can't just drop everything and deliver a lunch to school. On the rare occasions one of mine has forgotten their lunch (four at school) the school has just phoned to let us know and said we will provide a school dinner but pay asap.

I can't get to my sons high school and the younger ones primary is an hours round trip (walking) so the school have said to me its pointless for me to walk with toddler in tow when they can provide a school dinner.

I think the majority of parents work (statistically) how many people have a job where they can just leave to take a lunch to a child who has forgotten it?

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2013 12:47

OP have you never ever forgotten anything in your life?

She's not used to taking a packed lunch and she forgot it today.

Big deal. I can't believe you wouldn't take it to her.

I'd understand if it was something she regularly forgot but that's not the case, is it?

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 12:53

5madthings I agree with you, but plenty of people on this thread have said that they would take it in, so you can't blame the school for trying

5madthings · 17/05/2013 12:58

No I guess not and if the op were local to the school then I knew and of think yeah why not, but an hour round trip!! Not a chance.

My school was 45min bus ride away and my mum was at work or even if she wasn't she didn't always have the car and there wasn't any public transport as it was rural so we remembered or the school subbed us and then we paid it back.

I may let her off it this once as remembering her lunch is a new thing but its just routine in our house and even my ds4 who is in reception knows the routine of bfast, dressed, teeth, get book bag and lunch etc. They are all sat out on kitchen worktop in the morning. The boys know we can't bring them stuff if they forget.

Lolapink · 17/05/2013 13:06

Could you have not met each other half way. I think that's a fair compromise. I forget my lunch and I am an adult it happens.

randgirl · 17/05/2013 13:06

At our primary school, we are not allowed to drop off things like forgotten lunch, sports kits etc. They say it disrupts teaching time. The only thing that the office will accept during the day from a parent is medication. There are plenty of kids who forget their lunch, but the teacher will just ask around if someone has a spare sandwich they dont want. There isnt a big issue made of it. Understandly the kids here leave school at 2pm so they arent going all day without, but if she were starved im sure one of her friends would have shared something.

I have a 14 yr old diagnosed adhd ds. He forgot his rugby shorts a few weeks back so after school he phoned me to ask me to bring them. I did but told him this was the only occasion that i would do it (luckily i was at home at the time). YEsterday the same thing happened again, so i refused to take them for him so he wasnt allowed to play so he had to sit and watch. Im quite sure he will take more care packing his bag now!