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AIBU?

To not take dds packed lunch to school?

80 replies

BastardDog · 17/05/2013 09:15

Dd is 12. Last week I put her onto packed lunches as it was becoming obvious that she was going without eating all day at school and then going to the shop in the evening and using her dinner money to buy items such as a six pack of crisps, a 4 pack of Tic Tacs, 3 100g bars of chocolate etc.

So today she has forgotten to take her packed lunch to school and has no money so has asked school reception to ring me and ask me to deliver her lunch, a one hour round trip as I have no car.

I am not working until 12 today so in theory I have time, but I feel cross to have been put in this position.

School have said they will not lend her any money, which I understand.

OP posts:

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QuertyQueen · 17/05/2013 10:02

Yes she forgot it but people DO forget things. I bet those of you saying don't take it, would do for a mate or their DH/DP without making a big deal out of it.

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 10:04

An hours round trip without a car? My mate or DH would be told to shove it as well believe me

kelda · 17/05/2013 10:07

If it's a one hour round trip, then she might not be back in school on time.

This must happen fairly regulalry in school. Can they not lend the money for a hot meal?

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 17/05/2013 10:08

I would take it in.

QuertyQueen · 17/05/2013 10:09

Well without making this too deep my parents didn't do a thing for me that they didn't HAVE to. Anything like this would have been met with total refusal and a "it's your own fault, tough". I have very little relationship with them now and don't actually like them very much. I remember all those times that they bollocked me and/or refused to put themselves out for me and it doesn't build a very nice relationship.

I would take it and say don't make a habit of it because it's a big trip for me. My dc would appreciate that abs apologise. I know they would. And they'd remember that I made the effort for them.

halcyondays · 17/05/2013 10:09

i wouldn"t want my child to go hungry all day, but surely the school should be able to provide a meal from the canteen and get you to pay afterwards. thats what they do at our school.

NoelHeadbands · 17/05/2013 10:11

Yes that was quite deep

Floggingmolly · 17/05/2013 10:12

What QuertyQueen said. Take it in, fgs.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 17/05/2013 10:13

oh and the healthy lunch thing?

You can check online at our school what your dcs have eaten. I stopped checking when ds1 read."double chocolate muffin. Coke. Hot chocolate." for 8 days in a row

Its not great, I would rather he ate a decent lunch. But he has a good breakfast and a good dinner.

I just think sometimes you have to pick your battles?

QuertyQueen · 17/05/2013 10:13

Well you only need to take what you want from it.

CrazyOldCatLady · 17/05/2013 10:14

When I was a kid, my parents both worked and if I forgot something then I had to do without it. It'll be the same for my kids and I think it'll only be good for them, to be honest. They'll have no choice but to take responsibility.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 17/05/2013 10:15

I used to do this, please do something to stop her

BlahBlahBlahhh · 17/05/2013 10:32

School has duty of care. By not giving your child a school dinner they are breaching this. I would call school and say please provide a school meal which you will pay for on Monday. Ask to speak to the head teacher or welfare officer if no joy...it's totally unacceptable for them to leave a child without food. It's also impractical to expect her to make an hour round trip home at lunch time. Be firm with them !

LastTangoInDevonshire · 17/05/2013 10:38

she's not used to making sure she has it yet.

Well, if she made it herself then perhaps she'd remember?

MuddlingMackem · 17/05/2013 10:46

Sirzy Fri 17-May-13 09:50:23

Surely if its a one hour round trip that means she won't get any time to eat it or relax?

INeedSomeSun · 17/05/2013 10:47

So she's going to spend an hour coming home to pick up her packed lunch? She might risk being late back & when will she eat it?
I can't believe you can be so horrible. You are her mum. She is still only 12. She has asked the school to phone you so that you can bring it in for her. She couldo easily have just done nothing and gone without it - then what? Would you be happy with that?
If the school really can't lend her some money, which I find strange, then you must take it for her.
For the sake of
your relationship. Otherwise she will think you don't give a shit.

hopingforinsight · 17/05/2013 10:49

I despair of schools sometimes. They are prepared to let a 12 year old girl (a vulnerable group for eating disorders starting) go without lunch because she has forgotten something (her packed lunch box) that day?? Of course they should have lent her money to buy lunch. I am not sure why you are so accepting of them NOT lending her money OP?

The school might argue they are not preventing DD from eating lunch but it is v difficult for you to get there and back and it could easily have been impossible for all they knew (work commitments, other children. who knows?). It is lucky that there was a solution but it seems that the school really would have been prepared to have her go all day without food if neither you nor DD could have made the journey.

Nobody would regard going without food as a fit punishment for say, an adult who forgot their swipe card for work...... everybody forgets things some times. I would be beyond furious with the school. How dare they use children's meals as any kind of leverage in any kind of situation.

blahblahblah hear hear, well said.

PeterParkerSays · 17/05/2013 10:52

OP do you think she has forgotten or "forgotten" because she doesn't want to have a packed lunch because she wants to go back to gettting her own lunch money?

That for me would be the deciding factor. Also, what's in her lunch, could you substitute her choice of food for healthy but dull alternatives?

bonkersLFDT20 · 17/05/2013 10:53

Lots of varying opinions here. Interesting.

I think when a child knows there is no parent at home to bring stuff in, they learn pretty quickly that it's their responsibility.

I think being responsible for the things you need for a day at school is not unreasonable, especially in secondary school. Parents should be teaching their child these skills in primary so it's not all dumped on them in year 7.

If the OP's DD kept forgetting her lunch and the OP kept not taking it in then, yes, I think it would be rather a different issue, but this is the first time. The DD will not forget again. Sorted.

CheeseStrawWars · 17/05/2013 10:55

Your daughter's eating is already disordered, OP. If you don't bother taking her lunch in, you are telling you don't view her lunch as important and reinforcing the idea it is okay to skip it.

Realistically, do you think your DD will come home and get her lunch now, or just not bother?

SarahAndFuck · 17/05/2013 10:57

It's possible the school did offer her a meal and she said that she would rather they rang her mum to fetch her packed lunch in.

OP does say that her daughter asked at school reception for them to ring her to fetch the lunch rather than the school have refused or not offered one.

LadyInDisguise · 17/05/2013 10:59

God as a child, if I had forgotten my lunch/money for my lunch, I would just have gone wo. Actually I wouldn't have forgotten because I knew that if I had, then I would have had no lunch at all and there would have been no way at all that my mum or dad would have gone back home to fetch my lunch.

What would the Op's dd do if her mum wasn't at home but at work? Would she expect her mum to stop working, run around for an hour just for her too?

Sorry but at 12yo they are able to look after themselves and should do so. Doing the running around isn't going to help her. She will learn today a valuable lesson. That when you make a mistake (which DOES happen) then you are also expected to deal with the consequences of it. That means she has to go back home for lunch and ensure she is back at school on time for lessons.

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LadyInDisguise · 17/05/2013 11:00

And I don't thik the OP is telling ker dd that it's OK not too eat at lunch time. She is telling her dd that lunch IS such an important thing that she HAS TO go back home to fetch it. That it is so important, she cannot not go back home and get it.

Pretty important lesson. I agree.

CheeseStrawWars · 17/05/2013 11:04

But I bet the DD won't bother to go home and get it.

CaptainSweatPants · 17/05/2013 11:05

I'd have left it
Her friends would gave given her something I'm sure
Can't believe school let her come home

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