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AIBU?

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Original poster

stranger giving my child money

255 replies

trackies · 15/05/2013 22:09

Was at a toddler group with my 3 yo. There was a professional photographer there taking pics as approved by lady who runs it. They sit on a seat infront of a white screen. My child had a turn. My child is very chatty and friendly and likes posing for photos, and he found him easy to deal with. Bit later on my child, who likes attention and chatting to people, chatted to him for few mins, whilst i was there. Photographer was saying how lovely he was and he'd made his day, and then he gave him a gift of £2 and told him to buy some sweets with it. This freaked me out. I was a bit stunned. I tried to politely say that we can't take his money (i didn't want it!) but he insisted on me taking it. As i was leaving i tried to prize the £2 away from my child but he was clinging onto it so i left cos i just wanted to get out there! Got home and explained to small child that should not take gifts from strangers, but it wasn't his fault. I should have done something at the time. I was just caught off guard. Told my DH who said this man should have not been giving money to my child, and agreed that it's weird, but it could have been just someone being nice. But he was not happy. I told couple of Mummy friends who said it was weird aswell. DH said i definitely need to talk to the women who runs the group just to say that it made me uncomfortable and give the money back. Do you think it's weird ? or an act of kindness ? what would you do ?

OP posts:
raisah · 16/05/2013 04:46

Its also an Asian thing aswell :-) I still get a fiver from my 75 year old uncle when I see him! He tells me to buy sweets for the kids and myself but doesnt include dh!

raisah · 16/05/2013 04:50

Its a shame that the op cant see an act of kindness for what it is and thought that there was a sinister reason behind the gesture. The current news items on child abuse has put all parents on a high state of alert.

TheFallenNinja · 16/05/2013 05:31

The OP makes me incredibly sad tha this is what we have become.

And your all wrong. It's a cheshire/north Wales border thing.

munchkinmaster · 16/05/2013 05:50

I do think it's not that awful for someone to give a child a coin. Dd had a fair old collection under her mattress in her pram as a newborn. I also used to go see the old lady who lived opposite my gran precisely because I knew she would give me 50p when I was about 8.

BUT

Look at how some people react to it. People get scared these days - of course they do - put on the news. Whether this is right or not I don't know

AND

This guy is a professional photographer who often works with children. Surely he should think about whether there is the tiniest chance he will come across as creepy.

znaika · 16/05/2013 05:54

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KatyDid02 · 16/05/2013 06:16

Not weird at all, but if you don't like it then put the money in a charity collection and then you've made it a more positive thing.

Timetoask · 16/05/2013 06:21

Op, I would just reinforce to your child that "it was ok to ake the gift because mummy was with you, but must never accept anything on his own"

MrsMook · 16/05/2013 06:46

My elderly (N Irish) neighbour has recently crossed my new baby's palm with silver for luck.

It's sad that we live in a world where we do have to feel cautious about strangers interracting with our children, although th risks are no greater than they ever were, and the greater risk is from well known adults.

differentnameforthis · 16/05/2013 06:47

Not weird at all. Many older people believe the whole 'cross a babies palm with silver' to mean it will bring good luck.

Moominsarehippos · 16/05/2013 06:48

I've felt the urge sometimes... You know when you see some kids behaving beautifully and being just so darn cute! I once gave a tenner to a mum on the train as I got off to get some icecream for her four kids. They sat throughout a whole journey being so happy, friendly, polite and never bickering! They looked like such a lovely bunch.

youarewinning · 16/05/2013 06:53

Another here who thinks it perfectly innocent.

orry to hear about your hock re Uni friend - I understand why your guard is up Sad

kelda · 16/05/2013 06:55

It is wierd thing for a professional photographer to do while they are working. Imagine if they did that with every well behaved child. They would soon go broke. Or maybe notWink.

Also an act of kindness, but wierd all the same.

One of my small children was given money once on a bus in England. Also to buy sweeties. I had the feeling the person who gave it to us wanted us to like her. She was a complete stranger and we never saw her agian.

Flossyfloof · 16/05/2013 07:06

My Dad loved giving kids money. Last time he did it , it was a tenner to a baby. I think the photographer was being really mean, show him this and tell him not to be so tight this time. Do you think he was grooming your child in front of you?

PiratePanda · 16/05/2013 07:10

It's clearly a traditional thing that lots of people, north south catholic mediterranean london wales old young, do like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. Quite sweet really, and not at all weird.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/05/2013 07:11

I've had this too. Dd1 chatting away in the bus to an old lady and given 50p " to buy some sweets"

People just like chatty friendly children . Please dont think anything sinister it was honestly someone just being nice,

picnicbasketcase · 16/05/2013 07:19

Old people just like doing that I think. When I was a kid old people would press a coin into our hands and tell us to buy some sweets with it. There isn't necessarily a nefarious motive behind it.

The other day, an elderly chap starting talking to me and DD in a supermarket and then looked a bit nervous and said 'Oh, I shouldn't really speak to children should I? You can get trouble for it nowadays.' Kind of sad he should feel that way really.

Casey · 16/05/2013 07:27

When my boys were little I was very strict about food. Occasionally, as a huge treat, I would take them to the corner shop and they would choose 5p worth of penny sweets. They were delighted with this.

... After a while we stopped going there, because the shop lady clearly felt sorry for them and kept giving them 20p! :-o and telling them to buy some more.

Even after we'd stopped going to the shop, sometimes she would see us walking past and would come out and try and give the kids money!

KittyAndTheFontanelles · 16/05/2013 07:29

Perhaps you should talk to your son about being uncommonly chatty to strangers? This would worry me moreHmm

My daughter was given a pound by a stranger as we were leaving the hospital when she was a newborn.

Bertrude · 16/05/2013 07:30

Can I add an Arabic thing too?

My friends were at the mall with their daughter who was about 11 months old at the time, and she was really taken with a hat that had Dora on it. Her parents went to pay for the things they'd bought (typical just-setting-up-home-in-a-new-country type mothercare stuff) and a local man with his little girl who was a similar age, queued up behind them with 2 Dora hats, paid for them, and put one on my friends daughter's head and said that she had the most beautiful smile in the world. And walked off with a matching hat on his daughter's head.

Same little girl, another day, when she was about 3. An older local gentleman, probably late 60s/early 70s, came over to our table when we were eating lunch and gave her a pink flower and 10 US Dollars. He then left the restaurant without saying a word.

Branleuse · 16/05/2013 07:33

never happened to my kids. they must all be tight in north essex.

loofet · 16/05/2013 07:54

Why is this weird? Confused

Old people have given our DC coins before to 'buy sweets' or they say 'don't spend it all at once!' We've tried to tell them no but they force it and say 'it's for the kiddies!'. Also when I was a kid I remember oldies doing the exact same thing or even just giving me sweets.

So what? They weren't budding paedophiles, just kind people doing a nice thing for small children. This photographer was the exact same. God, what sort of a world has the media turned this world into? YABVVVU.

zzzzz · 16/05/2013 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foxy800 · 16/05/2013 07:58

I think the man was just being nice. I would however have been worried if he had given it to the child without an adult around but that isn't the case here so no I wouldn't be worried.

BlackAffronted · 16/05/2013 08:03

My son made about £30 the first time we took him out in his pram! A mixture of it being pension day, a sunny Scottish day (rare!) and him being teeny (5lbs). He still gets a penny (£1) from the old lady he chats to on the way to nursery. Old people love little kids, and like to treat them. In their day, a penny for sweets was a much bigger treat than it is now.

KansasCityOctopus · 16/05/2013 08:10

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