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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

stranger giving my child money

255 replies

trackies · 15/05/2013 22:09

Was at a toddler group with my 3 yo. There was a professional photographer there taking pics as approved by lady who runs it. They sit on a seat infront of a white screen. My child had a turn. My child is very chatty and friendly and likes posing for photos, and he found him easy to deal with. Bit later on my child, who likes attention and chatting to people, chatted to him for few mins, whilst i was there. Photographer was saying how lovely he was and he'd made his day, and then he gave him a gift of £2 and told him to buy some sweets with it. This freaked me out. I was a bit stunned. I tried to politely say that we can't take his money (i didn't want it!) but he insisted on me taking it. As i was leaving i tried to prize the £2 away from my child but he was clinging onto it so i left cos i just wanted to get out there! Got home and explained to small child that should not take gifts from strangers, but it wasn't his fault. I should have done something at the time. I was just caught off guard. Told my DH who said this man should have not been giving money to my child, and agreed that it's weird, but it could have been just someone being nice. But he was not happy. I told couple of Mummy friends who said it was weird aswell. DH said i definitely need to talk to the women who runs the group just to say that it made me uncomfortable and give the money back. Do you think it's weird ? or an act of kindness ? what would you do ?

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NannyPlumIsMyMum · 15/05/2013 22:46

4 words - Random Act Of Kindness Smile
There are far worse things to get het up about. Wait till your child starts using the internet Wink .

seriously though - not all strangers are bad.

Most of the harm that comes to our DC is from people who know them.

polkadotsrock · 15/05/2013 22:48

Doesn't happen to ds anymore and he's only 18 months... Is he ugly or are people in Lincolnshire grippit?? Envy Grin

GreenShadow · 15/05/2013 22:48

I find it so sad that people are getting so worked up over a gift from someone who took simple pleasure from a child doing what comes naturally.

Weegiemum · 15/05/2013 22:49

I'm in Scotland. First time we took dd1 out in the pram we came home with £26! Outer Hebrides thing :)

zzzzz · 15/05/2013 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trackies · 15/05/2013 22:51

Never thought i'd get this much of a response. ok thanks to you all. Been very useful. off to sleep now

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chattychattyboomba · 15/05/2013 22:52

Happened to me when DD was about 18 months. Older man on the bus thought she was beautiful (she is) gave her a pound! Random. Told some friends and one of them (Romanian) said it is a good luck thing in her culture. also Greek friend agreed. giving money to a small child i apparently a good fortune thing. I was a bit shocked and uncomfortable. Kept thinking- do i look like i'm struggling for cash? Did he take pitty on us? Why? Weird. Money to me is not a thing to give a small child.

Isindebusagain · 15/05/2013 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquinkiesRule · 15/05/2013 22:53

I used to come home with lots of jinglers in my pocket when I was a little kid, I'd go out with my gran and all her friends would give me coins "for sweeties" is what they'd say. We used to buy an ice cream on the way home with all the money.

wonderstuff · 15/05/2013 22:53

I can understand that making you suspicious. I've had similar, a friend of mine was found guilty of child porn charges, it was such a shock, he was a nice bloke (or so i had thought, turns out he was scum) and while I knew these people didn't really wear macs and hang out on park corners it is sobering to have actual evidence you genuinely don't know a potential child abuser when you meet one.

Having said that almost everyone you meet will be fine, and if you start to suspect everyone who is nice to dcs then you really will drive yourself mad.

Nagoo · 15/05/2013 22:53

It's not weird. It was nice.

He wasn't luring your child away from you.

DoctorAnge · 15/05/2013 22:53

I thought it was an Irish thing. Lots of older people do this it's no biggie. Don't get so uptight...

trackies · 15/05/2013 22:54

i agree chattychattyboomba. He didn't even know what it was. Just that it might be a small round toy and it was his !

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McSmoke · 15/05/2013 22:55

35 years ogo Nan would take me to scavenge see her friends where they would press money into my palm, fold my fingers over the coin (10p) and tell me to buy an ice cream with it.

spiritedaway · 15/05/2013 22:55

Haha.. North east thing. Pound coins all round. Chill OP.

trackies · 15/05/2013 22:56

thanks wonderstuff. It was a complete shock. I thought i knew him well. I thought he was a good guy. But this stuff was going on inside his head and none of us knew

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Moominsarehippos · 15/05/2013 22:56

DS makes out like a bandit in Italy - mainly cakes, sweeties and ice cream! He also got an load of pencils and books in a shop. He's a very cute boy though and loves to try out his Italian. Very generous people.

I remember a homeless(and drunk) man following a mum amd her little daughter (cute girl) down the road in Dublin insisting that he gave 'a coin for the babby'. The mum said 'no thanks but he slipped it into the girl's pocket.

InkleWinkle · 15/05/2013 22:57

Definitely old Scottish thing.
'Penny for a sweetie or a cone'

Plus the old Scot thing of putting silver in with a new baby. Used to be silver sixpences etc but now possible to go for a walk with baby in pram & come home with £5 in 50ps from random strangers!!

Pigsmummy · 15/05/2013 22:57

I get random strangers putting money into my baby's hand too, I thank them and put the money into a money box, if baby were older I would insist on a thank you to the kind person from her.

Lilithmoon · 15/05/2013 22:58

Ahem... it is a Midlands thing for sure. My DD used to make loads with her visits to the library!
Sleep well OP :)

SaigonSaigon · 15/05/2013 22:58

Christ, it's never happened to me. I'm feeling bloody well left out.

It therefore can't possibly be a W Midlands thing...

K8Middleton · 15/05/2013 23:00

Totally normal and not that unusual although less common these days. It's just a way of giving a child a gift from the limited resources most people have on them.

If you are worried about your child being abused things like keeping an eye on them, not leaving them alone and encouraging honesty and trust between you and your child are more sensible actions then worrying about a tiny gift.

There was no risk in this instance that I can see because you were there the whole time and it was a gift given without expectation.

trackies · 15/05/2013 23:00

lol SaigonSaigon. never happened to my daughter. only this one time to my son. Clearly i've been missing out !

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Pigsmummy · 15/05/2013 23:01

I am Welsh btw, definitely a welsh thing

trackies · 15/05/2013 23:02

thank you Lilithmoon . you sleep well too

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