To think this is not normal?

[TacticalWheelbarrow]

My step sister (but we are very close) has been in a relationship with a guy for three years now. They have been living together for 2. Her DP lived a fair bit away but only a 45 minute train journey, he moved away to live with her.

In those three years she has never met any of her DP's friends or family. He goes home to visit his family regularly for a weekend but never offers to take her. He also goes down there for Christmas, New Year and Easter but yet again never gives her an invite. When he is with his family he never picks up the phone to my sister and will call her back a few hours later.

My step sister has asked to meet his family but he always says no and gets very defensive. Apparently his family is wierd?
It's all really dodgy, when someone from back home calls him he takes the phone call and if step sister or anyone is in the room he walks away and has the phonecall in the bathroom out of earshot.
He never talks about his family and if step sister or her family and friends ask him about them he becomes very guarded.

He is 6 years older that my sister if that means anything.

Is my sister and I right in thinking this is bloomin weird?

I'll actually DO George Osbourne if this bloke doesn't have kids and/or another girlfriend. :(

He can't be a 'good guy' if he is hiding something, and it is not true that his family are nothing to do with her, at the very least if they stay together then they will be part of her life in the future. it is not normal to go into another room and hide when you get a phone-call. This lack of openness and secretive behaviour is a large red flag he's up to something, I just can't get how your step sister and you think he's ace when the plain facts are he's very secretive and odd.

And- I had a friend who had a boyfriend who only gave her his mobile number, not land-line, of course it turned out he had a completely separate life. This is not rocket science.

Agree with others, secret life!

The 192 thing will only work if he has been truthful about his name.....

He sounds like he has something to hide. Another woman and family springs to my mind too.

I am probably too late now as you may have already looked him up on 192 but there was a thread on here a while back saying that it now has a facility to see who has looked you up - so do not use your usual email or rl name to search him. If you already have - dont panic because unless he is also a registered user of 192 he wont be using the site to know.

Does he have all his normal paperwork etc posted to the house he lives in with your sister?? bank statements, bills, opticians, car tax reminders etc - or does all that still go to his "parents" (aka - his other family home)???

Is he on FB??? Although he could be under different names for different wives. Is his friends list visible?? Are any of his weird family on his friends list??

What do any of you know about his "weird" family??? What makes them wierd? where are they supposed to live?? which town?? what does he do with his wierd family when he visits??? Surely him and his sister must have some level of conversation when he returns home after a visit about what he did there?? Do they stay in all weekend and never leave the house? Do they go to the pub? park? what????

TBH - I am a nosey bugger and would be concerned about my sister wasting years of her life with a ptential fraud. I would be following him one weekend myself to see where he goes and get clues from that. I would probably go with a well trusted mate - so he didnt recognise "my" car. Where he goes? addresses? etc would give you more to search.

Not sure how loaded you are - but it would be easier to hire a private detective but thats maybe going too far in real life.

Deffo something to hide.

I would have to find out one way or another - your sister needs to know. She needed to know a few years ago actually.

Dammit Mike I can't top that.

But I think it is pretty clear how much we think we won't be at risk of tattoos or really unfortunate sexual encounters.

Is he my ex? Sounds very familiar,never met a friend or member of his family until I was pregnant with their first Grandchild, (a week before giving birth) and they were all over me like a rash, too much.

He then disappeared when ds was 2, never heard from any of them again.. He was an only child, so no siblings to contact.

I really wish I had listened to my gut!

Sounds like my ex too! Never met any of his friends, am now not sure he had any, but he had lots to hide.

Can she get a private detective? She sounds as though she wants to know, even if she thinks he is great etc etc.

Completely normal. Everyone does this.

In bizarro world!!!!!

I'd say kids and access weekends from the timings rather than actually married / girlfriend. Although it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he is still bonking his ex....

I agree.

Also good point about Facebook etc that could give you a good clue. Does he or your sister have FB? He may have set up a separate account for each woman/family :(

My guess is acess to kids, maybe at his parents. But if so why lie. Any ideas op? Is your sister very religious so would frown on divorce (clutching at straws). Is he odd in other ways as if he has chosen to hide some kids I think that's odd logic and would be part of a wider picture of strange judgements.

If he is in a relationship - some ways that is easier to comprehend.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt maybe his parents have social, addiction, mental health problems and he (wrongly) is ashamed of this. But then you'd expect phone calls in between and crises now and again ....

Where do people get the energy from to have two families?

And the money?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt maybe his parents have social, addiction, mental health problems and he (wrongly) is ashamed of this. But then you'd expect phone calls in between and crises now and again ....

But- why not just turn to the person you are supposed to love and who will support you and say 'my family are all very odd/addicted/embarrassing' and only introduce her to the non-odd/addicted/embarrassing ones?

For whatever reason, he doesn't want your step sister to be seen/see his family or friends and there can only be a bad reason for this, even if it is boring (he doesn't see her as a long-term prospect) rather than salacious (double-life).

Dying to know what the outcome is!

Not saying the addiction angle is wise or normal either. Just puting another idea out there before we go all poirot on him.

But his weird family line doesn't add up, because it's not just that he won't let her meet them, he's hiding her existence to them by not answering her calls when he's with family and going out of the room to answer their calls when he's with her. Complete dodgepot.

The problem is, as others are saying, that no matter what the difficulty or weirdness going on, he won't include her. This is a bad sign full stop. You cannot be in a mature and healthy relationship with someone who ring fences a hugely significant part of their life then refuses to discuss it.

He is not a 'great guy' and it is really sad that you both think he is.

I hope you have an answer op, it really sounds like your dsis has ended up being an ow.

(only blatently marking place desperate for update)

What about his wage? Do they have a joint account? Can she access his account?

Yes good point about money - does she even know what she earns? Does he contribute in the relationship or is he a (part time) cocklodger

If I were your sister I would have at the very least gone through his phone when I had the chance .

Definitely something dodgy going on , update us when you can !