to not take DD to her one year review because the HV was an absolute cow on the phone?

[Namethattune]

I had a letter today with an appointment for DC1s 1 year review with the HV team. It was at a time when she'd normally be just going down for a nap, so I phoned to ask (very politely) if it would be possible to change the time. The woman on the phone told me that "they aren't prepared to change the time on the basis that it doesn't fit in with her nap". I can either have an inconvenient appointment, or not have one at all.

She was a real cow, and I actually cried once I'd put the phone down. So now I have an appointment that DD will probably scream all the way through, because she's tired. Considering that every HV I've come into contact with has either been clueless, or has made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong, I'm considering just not going. What do they do at the 1 year review anyway? Is it important??

YANBU OP

If something like this happens again, just ask move it. Don't explain why.

I avoid appointments at nap times and I have two DC. So not a PFB issue.

I defy any child not to sleep if they're tired enough

I will introduce you to my children sometime.

If it helps, DD2 has not had a one year check or if she has had one scheduled, we didn't turn up for it because the letter has been misplaced in our 'filing' system

So they can't be that important!

How can a HV check the development of a 1yo who is having a screaming fit because they've been woken from their nap?

I don't know what HVs do at these checks (pregnant with my first) but I DO know what many babies/toddlers do if you wake them early from their nap and that is scream inconsolably for a seemingly endless period of time.

I defy any child not to sleep if they're tired enough

I could also introduce you to my usually adorable nephews. I've never seen anything like it!

I will add, DD's one year check was at 15 months.

My HV was so useless I never bothered after DS (my PFB) was 3.5 weeks old. You are not obliged legally to see an HV; if they want to see you theyy need to adopt a little politeness and flexibility.

If you have any concerns about your baby make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to an appropriately qualified and experienced specialist paediatrician.

An HV cannot help with real health problems - they are not qualified to do so.

With DD, our PFB, all we got from the HV was "you're the most laid back first time parents I've ever met" (DP was there too on his day off.) She took one look at DD, crawling away towards the toys at the speed of light and said she had absolutely no concerns whatever.

With DS (aka DC2), we had a different HV but all we got at 1 year was a postcard letting us know the review was available if we wanted it, and giving us a list of milestones he could be reaching (not should be reaching, the card was clear that children reach milestones differently) and to call if we had concerns. Nice and easy around here.

But then, I had 2 really nice and helpful HVs and as I was doing fine, I didn't want to be taking up their time when other mothers might need them, so didn't book an appt for DS.

Namethattune go to her appointment because it's in your daughters interest, they don't give kids a check up for the hell of it, the reason being your child's health and development.

A tired baby will sleep anywhere, nothing short of a bomb going off would keep a tired baby awake, yes she may be cranky before she finally nods off but surely you can manage that.