to not take DD to her one year review because the HV was an absolute cow on the phone?

[Namethattune]

I had a letter today with an appointment for DC1s 1 year review with the HV team. It was at a time when she'd normally be just going down for a nap, so I phoned to ask (very politely) if it would be possible to change the time. The woman on the phone told me that "they aren't prepared to change the time on the basis that it doesn't fit in with her nap". I can either have an inconvenient appointment, or not have one at all.

She was a real cow, and I actually cried once I'd put the phone down. So now I have an appointment that DD will probably scream all the way through, because she's tired. Considering that every HV I've come into contact with has either been clueless, or has made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong, I'm considering just not going. What do they do at the 1 year review anyway? Is it important??

obviously if you are cancelling at very short notice less than 24 hours the above does not apply you need to be apologetic but I still would not go into lots of detail

I'm guessing this is your PFB.

Welcome to real life. Sometimes things are going to clash and not work timing wise how you'd like them to.

It was one day, and it's a developmental check.

But she shouldn't have been rude.

Oh yes, and following on from what Sarahtigh said. I'd just say (when rearranging appointment) that it wasn't a convenient time, no need to go into reasons.

How much developmental checking do they actually do at the one year review? I don't recall much beyond weight, height and injections.

I don't think you were being precious or unreasonable at all. Some children are fine with a more haphazard/pragmatic sleep regime, others really need their routine and missing a usual nap can really throw them off. If you know your child needs to be asleep at that time, then she does and that's that.

I wouldn't bother with the HV check anyway. If you're worried about anything, take her to the doctor.

"The woman on the phone told me that "they aren't prepared to change the time on the basis that it doesn't fit in with her nap". I can either have an inconvenient appointment, or not have one at all."

This wasn't rude, you just didn't like the answer.

I can't believe people are suggesting complaining and booking an unnecessary appointment with the GP!

It's only a nap. can't see the issue, apart from cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Yabu about te appointment in nap time, you cannot be chained to the house in case your ds needs a nap, they have other people to see. She was a bit abrupt, migh not have beenth HV but a secretary

Also I do think these checks are useful, all very well to say if you're worried then go to the dr, but you may not know if certain things are cause for concern.

No reason for HV to be so rude that you were left upset. My area doesn't even do a 1 year check and the HVs were mostly useless and completely uninterested in me/DS so haven't seen them since around 7 months. They don't seem to care.

You're being very precious OP.

I'm quite surprised you asked this.

If you want to change an appointment for a relatively trivial reason, then you need to LIE and give another excuse eg. existing dental appointment at that time.

didn't bother with 1 year check for dd1. probably won't bother with dd2 either. HV's in my area are ridiculously stretched so won't be wasting their time. However as dd1 was in nursery 3 days a week from 8 months and dd2 will do the same - I trust the nursery to raise any issues in development (excellent place).

She's not coming to me. If she was it wouldn't be such an issue. I have to go to the HV clinic, which will probably be running late.

I'm actually surprised by how harsh some of these responses are. I said I was CONSIDERING not going, not that I'd made up my mind. DD has no health issues btw, and I've taken her to the HV clinic regularly to be weighed. But then this is Mumsnet, so I suppose I should have expected to be flamed by at least someone!

curryeater Thanks for the support.

Don't go. Health visitors are idiots. You'd know if there was something developmentally not right with you child.

And yes, a lot of the people on this thread sound like right angry frothers.

Totally sympathise, I got told I was 'precious' about dd's nap but honestly, no nap and she just screamed. I wouldn't go, it was crap anyway

Do they still give out the baby book bag at the one year check? That was the only reason I went to my dd's appointment. Don't feel bad, you know your child and if she needs her nap to stop her being cranky so be it.

And yes, perhaps next time tell a little white lie about why you need to change the time.

Cor some people like getting annoyed don't they? Personally I think it depends on the personality of the child not its birth order as to how unpleasant they are during nap time. For example I would take DD1 during nap time because she would be maybe a bit grizzly but OK and would sleep later, but if I tried it with DD2 she would rampage around the surgery biting anything she could reach with her teeth and screeching at anything she couldn't, and then would just scream at everybody for the rest of the day. So I wouldn't arrange to do anything she needed to be civilised for during nap time.

Ignore the meanies and, as someone upthread said, never explain just say it's inconvenient.

By the time their dc has turned one, a lot of woman have returned to work, either full or part time, so being inflexible on timings for a Hv is v crap, unless they are only interested in seeing the sahms.

Op- ds was another one who napped at the same time every day and wouldn't sleep earlier or if I kept him awake, sleep later on, he'd just be a nightmare all day. I'd always try to avoid nap times because it just made my life easier, and it's unusual for things like this to not have any flexibility.

I'd put up with a day (or sadly sometimes 2) of a cranky baby for something worthwhile, like seeing a doctor or nurse, but a health visitor? God no. Call back, you are not available, if they think it's important they can see your dc, they'll have some flexibility.

Thanks DontmindifIdo. Your ds sounds like my dd. She does NOT cope well with missing/a late nap.

Actually, really, past one does anyone who isn't a sahm have anything to do with Hvs? I don't know anyone who worked to their due date, so even if you take the full year off (rather than the 8 months you get SMP for), you are still due back a few weeks before your dc's first birthday. Taking time off for jabs or a doctors appointment is one thing, there's no way I'd have bothered for a Hv appointment, they could fit round my pt hours or not see me. I can't see why a sahm can't also expect a little flexibility.

And yes, a lot of the people on this thread sound like right angry frothers.

For suggesting that the HV was not actually being a "right cow"? She sounds like she was maybe a little terse but not especially rude. Well I am not "angry"or "frothing" but I think the OP is being a bit unrealistic if she wants everyone to organize their appointments around her DDs routine and then accuses them of being a cow if they won't.

Surprised at all the anti-HV comments. Our HV was always lovely and very friendly.

You don't have to go, but it might be worth just getting your dd checked. For what it's worth, I was in the same situation as you and had to rearrange dd's 1 year review. The appointments clerk was very unpleasant, unnecessarily so. Once i got off the phone, I thought "Bugger this, I'm not being treated that way".

I called back, asked for her name and asked her to whom I should address a written complaint about her attitude. Funnily enough, she found me a suitable appointment that had "just come free".

Maybe worth a try? Is there another hv you could see?