to not take DD to her one year review because the HV was an absolute cow on the phone?

[Namethattune]

I had a letter today with an appointment for DC1s 1 year review with the HV team. It was at a time when she'd normally be just going down for a nap, so I phoned to ask (very politely) if it would be possible to change the time. The woman on the phone told me that "they aren't prepared to change the time on the basis that it doesn't fit in with her nap". I can either have an inconvenient appointment, or not have one at all.

She was a real cow, and I actually cried once I'd put the phone down. So now I have an appointment that DD will probably scream all the way through, because she's tired. Considering that every HV I've come into contact with has either been clueless, or has made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong, I'm considering just not going. What do they do at the 1 year review anyway? Is it important??

Think you should get over yourself tbh ,you can't vary a baby's nap at all,ever???and then you cried?

Genuinely I'd try and be more flexible,will stand to you both. Do go to appt, why refuse a check ,some hvs are great.

In my local health centre, all baby checks are done between 10am and 12pm, so if that coincides with DD's nap, tough luck.

They aren't actually in a position to offer appointments outside these hours.

I don't think anyone is coming across as angry on this thread, we're just pointing out that the OP's reaction is disproportionate and factually (judging by what she wrote) the HV wasn't rude.

There will be times when you will need to vary the daily routine of your child. However, unless you have specific worries about your child a one year check up is not one of them. If you do have specific worries, then you would make a GP appointment anyway.

I didn't take mine to her one year check because as far as I could see it was simply another way for my NCT group to get all competitive with each other.

Is there something else going on Op which is making you over think this more than normal? It's a bit extreme to cry because the HV would not change your appointment. They are probably just really busy and thought it was a silly reason to change. By 1 year I would say it is. Health visitors are crap anyway so chin up!

We don't get a one year check. We get a letter with a list of stuff saying your child might be able to do some of this stuff but don't worry if they can't do it all, as it's a range. Call us if you are concerned. That's it. So on this basis, if this is allowed I can't see why you need to see someone at all if you don't have any worries.

erm,none of mine have ever seena health visitor except the first baby which was only the one time they come when the baby is a couple of weeks old.

If your worried about your baby then take them to the doctors,or hv if you want,dont see the point of all these reviews etc,waste of time.

OP, I had four children and I was "precious" about all of their nap times. Some parents may be more casual about it; that's fine for them. I liked to know when mine were having a nap, and they got used to a routine - it gave me time to do other things. I didn't mind being at home for nap-time - I had plenty of work to do while they slept.

Ignore the rude posters - I've no doubt, like me, you'd make an exception for an urgent appointment, but this isn't one.

Namethattune, serious question, what do you do if you want to go shopping/to lunch with friends/to the library/whathaveyou during the time when your child is scheduled for a nap?

As has been said, you don't have to see a Health Visitor, not ever. If they aren't your cup of tea and you're content that all's well with your child don't bother. What you can't do is expect them to fit their appointments - and those of other people - around your child's nap time.

Was it the HV you spoke to or an admin person who answers the phone and arranges appointments? It's hard to fit everything around your child's nap time.

Oh you lot are such meanies.

I do think Sarah's advice is spot on - just ask for another time - between you, assuming the other person is reasonable, you will soon work out what times are available and the best one to suit you, and if the other person is a dick, then you can report them.

But it seems to me on this site that there is a total 0 - 60 of concern. It's all either, "AWWWW, have you got PND?" [head tilt] "Go to the dr, get drugs, make your BASTARD HUSBAND clean the house and bring you dinner in bed for a YEAR, and don't even THINK about leaving your bed with a stack of novels and boxes of chocolates!" or else it's "WHAT? You don't want to LIFT SPUDS IN THE RAIN BAREFOOT AT 2AM WITH 18 MONTH OLD TWINS ON YOUR BACK? I think you are being a bit precious, OP. Lots of convicts have to do hard labour for years at a time. How do you think they feel, hm? They would jump at the chance to see their twins."

Have a reasonable response to this. OP is tired, HV made her feel a bit silly so she cried, let's be clear that it is normal to accept or refuse appointments, they are not issued as if by courts of law (unless by courts of law), she doesn't want to spend the only hour in the day she can get anything done being puked at by other people's babies, she would rather be at home sorting shit out, or even god forbid sitting down with a cup of tea, and why bloody not, and then you all start barking at her like a bunch of hell dogs. WHY? Why do you all always do this?

"you all start barking at her like a bunch of hell dogs."

Good god, what thread are you reading?

The only abuse uttered here came from the OP who called the HV "an absolute cow".

What sarahtigh said and what curryeater said.

The woman on the phone decided that wasn't a valid reason... I wonder if there is a list of acceptable reasons for which she will change an apt?? Or is she just a lazy cow? The latter I bet.

The lesson here is don't explain the reason in future.

And don't bother going, unless you have any concerns.

Great to see the usual frothing responses along the lines of "I managed so you should", "My baby managed without a sleep so yours can" etc

You might well have been being U in terms of asking for a different appointment but I know exactly what you mean. When Dd was little if an HV had come over when she was due to be nappy she would probably have been crying and clinging to me and that would have made it very difficult to do any assesments at all. Not that we had any such visits. I think she had a hearing test when she was a few months old and the odd weigh in and that was that. In future just say "Sorry, but we can't make that time" and don't give an explanation!

Exactly Poppy.

Expecting other people to arrange things about your childs nap is madness. NHS services are stretched enough without having to be flexible around nap times, sometimes appointments are inconvenient but you do as much as you can to get there.

I am no fan of HVs but do think the OP has overreacted slightly to the situation.

napping not nappy!

There was absolutely no need for the Hv to be rude. The op asked her very politely of it was possible to change the appt time. The proper response should have been 'no, I'm sorry we can't change it Im afraid, that's the only clinic time' for example.
Op, could you ring back and say you definitely can't make that appt given, something has come up (no need to say what!) and could you have another appt please. I really think its worth going to the appt. I thought my dc was developing absolutely perfectly twice and two times (out of 3 children) the Hv picked up something (minor but needing treatment ASAP) at a development check that I had no idea needed looking at.

I'm not saying I agree with your post Curryeater but it was highly amusing!!!

Sirzy: "NHS services are stretched enough without having to be flexible around nap times"

I am going to tell you about something you can do if you have lots to do, and lots of people to see. What you can do is, if you can't do a certain thing - say Task 1, or an appointment with Person A, at a given time (and you know this in advance because you have spoken about it on the phone), for instance, 10 - 10.30, don't - that is DON'T - sit down and twiddle your thumbs and wait till 10.30 to do Task 2, or see Person B. What you can do is - sorry if this is complicated, but I will say it as clearly as I can - during 10 - 10.30, what you can do is, something else: for instance, Task 31 or Task 59b, or an appointment with any of persons C to Z.

I know it sounds tricky, but if you try it, you can fit an incredible amount in.
Maybe the NHS should do this. OR - MAYBE THEY ALREADY DO?!?!?!?!?

Can your kid not sleep in the car or the stroller?

Seriously do you not go out everyday when she is supposed to be napping???

I work in the NHS and would find it shocking that someone wants to rearrange an appointment with a HCP because if nap time!

I really don't see why it's unreasonable to ask if you can have a time that's more convienent for you to avoid upsetting the routine of a baby who has a routine - I understand it's rather a badge of honour on here to have completely flexible DCs who might sleep for 3 hours one day, 1 the next, never at the same time twice and to never suggest that you should be allowed to do stuff at a time that suits you but to expect that you will and can always flex to meet any whim of someone else's schedule, but in the real world, some DCs do have set nap times - why is it so wrong to want a time that means you can do both?

Personally, i'd not bother unless you have concerns, and if you do have concerns, every health visitor I've met (while being nice people) have very limited medical knowledge (beyond thinking most newborn ailments can be fixed with either olive oil or breastmilk) and only end up telling you to book an appointment with the nurse at the GP practice, so just do that in the first place. (Nurses in GP practices are very knowledgable and useful people)

She asked to change an apt time!!

She didn't ask for anyone to stay late, work through lunch or change the clinic times... Just a different time slot.

Why is it so hard for the person on the phone to do this (lazy)?

Is it any wonder there are so many missed appts?

But Curry, HVs are massively overstretched they have a hell of a lot to do and may only have a 2 hour slot each week to get there 12 months checks done.

it isn't as simple as saying "well I will swap task x with task y"

Its a PITA when an appointment is at an awkward time but most people manage to find a way to do it.

I think that some replies here have been really harsh, OP! I think you were being unreasonable to post on AIBU. to avoid unreasonable replies in the future, best ask on _chat :)

Anyway, I cancelled dd2's 8-12m review for the precise same reason (ours is overdue on Moday at a time preferable to dd's nap).

With dd1, I remember they had her playing with building blocks to check her fine pincer grasp, asked me if she was walking/babbling, etc.

The child needs to be awake for that, right?

Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that HVs are a flipping pain on the arse. I'll have dd1 in tow on Monday afternoon, too - the hv won't know what's hit her/him!!

For those who say it's unreasonable to expect an appointment to fit nap times, DD was never trouble about her naps, very flexible, I never had a problem.

DS, however, went though a 4 month period around the 1 yr mark where he had to have a rigid nap time or it was absolute hell to get him settled. While he could sleep in the pram, if I'd had to take him out of it to be looked at, checked, etc, he'd have combusted on the spot, making HV appts like these more or less impossible. I found it far easier to plan my day so the nap time was at home.