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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a bit down about my failed hen party plans

107 replies

MonstrousPippin · 14/05/2013 16:07

I'm getting married in late July and a few weeks ago sent an email to all my friends telling them to save the first Saturday in July for the hen party. I wasn't sure what it was going to be but to know that it wouldn't be a big weekend away and wouldn't involve traveling out of our town. Apart from 2 people who already had holidays booked, I got positive responses about the date from everyone.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a drink with a few friends and we chatted about ideas and the consensus seemed to be that it would be great to hire a hot tub at my house and have a bit of a spa thing at home. I looked into it and it was going to either be quite pricey or affordable and shit.

Last week, after agonising for ages over what I should have that everyone would enjoy, I would enjoy and wouldn't be too expensive, I found a local hotel country club place that does a "champagne spa day" for £45 per head. This includes use of the pool, sauna, gym, jacuzzi, 2 course meal, champagne and strawberries, tea and coffee and a private lounge for the whole day. They obviously hope you'll order a massage or pedicure or something on top of that but it's not required. Considering it includes food and the place is well known for being really nice, I thought it was great value. Most other spa places I looked at were charging £60-70 and it didn't even include food.

The minimum number of people they require for this deal is 6. My mum already said yes, and considering I have one bridesmaid, I thought I'd only need another 3 people to agree to get the £45 per head deal. I've emailed 20 friends and pretty much all of them have replied, although interestingly I've not heard a peep out of my bridesmaid despite talking to her several times since and sending her info on Facebook as well. In my email I was clear I wouldn't be offended if a spa thing is not your idea of fun or if you don't have the money because I totally understand that, so I said we could have drinks and cakes at my house in the evening.

I guess I just expected out of 20 people that maybe 3 would be interested enough to come with me. I can hardly believe it, but apparently not. Only two people responded positively and definitely that they would like to come and one of those two retracted it the day after. General view from people is that it's too expensive.

I've had to cancel my provisional booking with the spa. I guess I could go on my own and still have a nice time.

Just last week I went on a hen do which was a meal out, fancy dress costume required, followed by drinks out on the town and taxi home. Everyone who went to that even chipped in to pay for the hen's meal. Pretty sure that all came to more than £45 for everyone considering what I ordered at the meal was £30. Makes me feel a bit of a fool for shelling out to go to other people's hen parties over the years. I've traveled all over the country for them in the past, bought costumes, paid for activities, paid for hotels, done stuff I didn't want to for the sake of the hen. Perhaps I was a bit of an idiot.

Sorry this is so long. I just feel quite down about it right now because I just sent out the cancellation email.

OP posts:
LemonsLimes · 15/05/2013 14:26

I think £45 is very reasonable if it includes food. I would go.

Woodenpeg · 15/05/2013 14:39

It's the hen's choice surely? I think it's bloody mean actually.

I think it's a wonderful idea, and I'm sorry that you've had a bad response to it. I think it's mean of everyone who said no because it's not 'thier cup of tea' or not 'fun'. EH? Nope, don't get it. I would go... I think you and your Mum should definitely do it, it would be wonderful.

Congratulations OP, I hope you have a wonderful day.

RubyOnRails · 15/05/2013 15:39

onwardbound yeah, that's a different situation to me...in the previous couple of years she'd let me down a bit, so I wasn't inclined to scrimp and save to go and as I was only temping, it wouldn't have been wise anyway.

PrincessScrumpy · 15/05/2013 16:49

That sucks. I went to a spa hen do my friend had. I was heavily pg with dtds at the time and couldn't go in hot tub, steam room etc but I went because she's my friend and it should be about what she wants to do - it wasn't my hen do so why would it have to be designed for me. I think the price was really reasonable too.
My hen was very cheap as we were young and nobody had any money. We went for a meal and my maid of honour ran a murder mystery game.

diddl · 15/05/2013 17:54

It is the hen's choice-but difficult if people are expected to pay imo.

"as an aside WHY do people hate spa days so much?"-well I like the sound of what OP was wanting-but wouldn't want any treatments.

Couldn't bear the being touched.

I could maybe tolerate a manicure.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 15/05/2013 21:47

Gosh that sounds upsetting, I get all the sensible thoughts on here about how it happened, but no wonder you're upset - I would be too... Hope you get it worked out, cos basically your friends are supposed to be celebrating something wonderful happening in your life, at the risk of sounding precious, it's not about them, it's about you!

specialsubject · 15/05/2013 22:23

stuck indoors on a weekend in a scuzzy shared bath - eeewww. And £45 for the privilege?

HOWEVER it is a bit odd that they seemed keen enough when it was first discussed. That's messed you about.

I fear that thinking spas are horrible is right up there with not bothering with Christmas...

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