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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stay at Home mums

999 replies

marilynmonroe · 13/05/2013 21:01

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 14/05/2013 20:02

I do like Jamie's smooth use of elliptical
in there,smooth
accompanied by a patronising I'm here for you quip

AlvinHallsGroupie · 14/05/2013 20:06

dont have have biscuit and wright show
anyone? maybe I am dim but I have no idea what that means ?
I take it you dont like the fact Im not bashing either side because like many women I have been in both roles as has my DH - is he a waste of space because he took time out to care for his own children ??
What Smile ??

scottishmummy · 14/05/2013 20:07

alvin,your post is indecipherable,not helped by inane smilieSmile

AlvinHallsGroupie · 14/05/2013 20:12

We are obviously talking a different language SM

dont have have biscuit and wright show erm you wrote that and I asked what it meant ?
Its Alvin btw

Chandon · 14/05/2013 20:12

Watching Scottymum on a sahm thread is always amusing, it makes me Smile

scottishmummy · 14/05/2013 20:13

you've erroneously quoted me.i said
haven't caught up with all the thread have been working,don't have biscuit and wright show time
but don't let fact stand in way of your posts

Chandon · 14/05/2013 20:15

But you do have crisps and MN time? Smile

Don't worry, I got ou first time round. Careful with the crisps and the keyboard

IrritatingInfinity · 14/05/2013 20:17
Confused
AlvinHallsGroupie · 14/05/2013 20:17

dont have have biscuit and wright show time
oops missed the time off< the shame>
What does it mean ??

scottishmummy · 14/05/2013 20:19

I see alvin,you understand enough to bellyache about my posts.
funny that

AlvinHallsGroupie · 14/05/2013 20:24

Oh I give up- no idea what biscuit and wright showtime means?
i dont think I have ever argued with your posts just asked what the heck you are on about ?????
I would get your blood pressure checked SM you seem to need to scrap with anyone all the time

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 14/05/2013 20:40

sm

genuinely not meant as patronising. I like you

ihategeorgeosborne · 14/05/2013 20:46

I think SM means that she doesn't have time to eat biscuits and watch the "Wright Stuff". It's an awful program on channel 5 in the morning at 9am. Matthew Wright looks like a ferret. I only know about it because the dc watch milkshake in the morning before school and when I get back from the school run it is on if I've forgotten to switch the telly off. I do eat biscuits though!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 14/05/2013 20:46

biscuit + sitting down with a nice cuppa and a biccie

wright show = matthew wright show, on in the mornings, when working mothers are at work (not eating biscuits, no)

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 14/05/2013 20:47

X post

I used o watch This Morning instead

AlvinHallsGroupie · 14/05/2013 20:50

Oh God loving the irony that I had no idea what SM meant because I am a WOHM Grin

*I love trash telly particularily MIC.

Boomba · 14/05/2013 20:56

Ive asked mums when they are going back to work/ what will they do now all the kids are at school

I just dont get it. I dont get not wanting to work. At all Confused

scottishmummy · 14/05/2013 21:01

there no irony in it alvin,you're overstaying your case

jellybeans · 14/05/2013 21:04

'I just dont get it. I dont get not wanting to work. At all'

Fair enough for you but in contrast lots of people don't get why you would work if given the choice to SAH? Many people (such as me) have tried combining work and raising children and preferred SAH full time. I did enjoy working and may work at some stage but don't want to be juggling both at the same time right now. I don't really get those who are career driven but everybody is different.

By the way though I hate The Wright Stuff! Dreadful show. I barely watch any daytime TV as it is pretty bad.

morethanpotatoprints · 14/05/2013 21:06

Boomba.

What in particular don't you get about somebody not wanting to go out to work? Is it because you don't know what you would do with the time, or that you enjoy a career and can't see how others wouldn't.
I'm interested in what makes you feel like this.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 14/05/2013 21:07

I think if you had a not-very-well-paid and not very interesting job, and you were financially OK, you'd understand not working. It's an individual choice based on lots of different factors, and it's hardy ever permanent, anyway.

ihategeorgeosborne · 14/05/2013 21:09

I guess there are many reasons Boomba I know a few SAHM who have all their dc at school. Some are genuinely really wealthy and don't need to work. They are happy going running, to the gym, decorating house, etc. Some are trying to update their skills through volunteering, etc, as they feel they have lost confidence. Some have husbands with their own business and do the book keeping, secretarial stuff as and when necessary. My youngest is 2 and I know I will be nervous about returning to the work place having had a few years as a SAHM. I doubt I'll be able to stay at home for too long though as I think I will be ready for a change of scene by then and I guess the money would be very helpful for us. I can see though that if money wasn't an issue at all in your household, how much easier life would be if one parent could stay at home, particularly when dc are ill, etc.

Kizzit · 14/05/2013 21:13

I wanted to work Jelly,but I also wanted to be there as much as possible for my children as I enjoy bringing them up and love their company. I set up my own business,which I run from my home.I work alone,I have no staff,I can,to a high degree,decide when and how much I work as I can plan it round my children's needs. When my youngest went to school I still got asked what I was going to do for a living now.......? "I have my own business you know,I earn £20.000 per year doing that,why are you querying what I'm going to do now my children are at school??" As a Mum I don't think you can 'win' whatever you do. Do what suits you and your family best I say. Sod what anyone else thinks of that.

BegoniaBampot · 14/05/2013 21:15

Boomba - why do you not get that people might not be in a rush to get back to work? Not everyone has a job that is that great or that well paid and then have to stress trying to fit everything else in as well, paying for child care, not being able to take time of easily for school holidays or sickness. I Can understand that people can enjoy working. Do you plan on ever retiring then?

morethanpotatoprints · 14/05/2013 21:15

Ihategeorge

I don't think it is always about being able to afford to be a sahm. I chose it as didn't want to go back to work, but had I wanted to the cost of childcare would have wiped one of our incomes completely. As many people are no better off financially it can make sense not to work. Throughout the past nearly 22 years as a sahm I have met many sahps from all walks of life, with many different interests, household incomes and lifestyles.