Stay at Home mums

[marilynmonroe]

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

morethan i could very very easily fill my time. There is loads of stuff I would love to do but dont get the time.

But I dont think it would be as enjoyable doing that stuff, if I had all teh time I wanted to do it. I like the contrast of working and home life.

I also have a very strong work ethic, I would not be able to rely on someone else financially. It would sit right with my values blah blah, but also I dont want to be that vulnerable

I also enjoy work. Not that I havent had shit jobs...Ive had some great jobs and some jobs that have made me cry. I like learning, I like diversity, I like meeting new people

I like setting my daughters an example. And, I suppose I feel partly defined by being a 'professional'

I like the Wright Stuff. sit with a cup of coffee watching it now and then after doing the school run. Shoot me.

begonia yes, I am looking forward to my retirement when i am old and tired

I'm happy not to reinforce stereotypical roles.mum=housewife,dad=worker
I want my kids to see mum contribute,and I like working and being parent
it's important to me not to be financially dependent upon partner

' I would not be able to rely on someone else financially'

Thing is though most of my WOHM friends rely on both wages (they would describe as having to work) so they are not always independent just from working...

Boomba

I agree about the contrast. I also became terribly inefficient when I was a SAHM with no children at home. Everything could always get put off for another day. But as I said, that's my lack of self-discipline.

I think my DCs take me for granted less now, too

I agree Boomba on the contrast between work and home life , its very difficult to explain but I just wouldnt enjoy doing leisure stuff like watching films or reading during the working day. Odd but it feels weird to me.
Which is why I dont watch day time TV

Boomba

Thank you for your reply it is very interesting.

I know what you mean, theres lots of things I would like to do too and run out of time, but enjoy the rest of the things I do. I couldn't rely on somebody financially if I felt vulnerable. Its important whether sahp or wohp to have secure finances.
I too like learning, so much so that I have completed several degree level courses whilst being a sahm. I also like diversity and am always meeting new people.
I like to be a good role model for my dc too, and even though I'm a sahm I know my professional status quals define my achievements in life.

I often find that most of the reasons wohps have for working are similar to what sahps get out of not working

I agree morethan, it's not just about money. I went back to work when dc1 was a baby and child care was astronomical. By the time I had paid to run a second car, clothes for work, coffees, lunch, work nights out, etc, I was working for a loss. I did actually hate working by then. We made the decision to tighten our belts and for me to stay at home. We are in a better position financially now as Dh earns about the same now as we both earned together and we don't have child care costs. I do sometimes wish that I had something else in my life other than cooking, cleaning, entertaining dc, etc. Although I know that it would make our life more complicated as dh works away a lot. I would like to start my own business doing something I enjoy, even if I didn't make much money, It would be good for my self-esteem and brain. It's just that I need the idea!

I'll admit to feeling some guilt. I have a workaholic (often away from home) dh and have recently taken on permanent part time work for the first time since having a baby. Oldest at university, youngest 9. Still feel bad at having to give dd2 taxi fare home from an AS. Admittedly, she spent it on salad at Pizza Express then caught bus.....

The guilt doesn't go away, but I'm loving my job again and feel fresh to it. I'm still the one taking up the slack though - morning run, sick people, cooking, shopping, laundry (yes the kids help but.....)

I love my non working days now - feel no guilt at swimming/gym/shopping/lunch all day. For me, education is the key for my children - opens opportunities. It does them good to see me do something worthwhile - my degree and various pg qualifications have some purpose in the workplace!

I've never felt guilty about my choices.its a societal expectation heaped on women

I hope I will look back on my deathbed and be proud of my family and if my caeer. I feel passionate about what I do.
I realised recently though that im not goingto llook back and wish the bathroom had been cleaner :-)

me neither scottish

if I have time for sentimental thoughts before I croak,I'll be v proud of work and achievements

I've never felt guilty about my choices either.

Despite the best efforts of other women to belittle them.

Totally agree SM have never had a moments guilt . My choice to WOH has been the right choice for my family.
Although I SAH when Dc were little it was always at cost to my mental health and I realised it was better for us if I WOH.

Stealth

I feel proud of what I do too, I am passionate about many of my interests and hobbies. I too won't be looking back wishing the bathroom was cleaner, as its not a priority. Believe it or not a sahm isn't confined to cleaning, cooking and childcare. Most of us have fulfilling lives and would be doing other things like wohm if we weren't happy

And do the people who make those comments not feel a bit bad that their dhs will do just that?

guilt arises from incongruence of ones behaviour/actions and ones attitude/expectation
fir me there was novonglict of behaviour ir attitude
I had nursery booked at 12wk pg.i always knew id return ft.we discussed it pre-dc

Morethan I can understand that. I have no problem with people choosjng to sah. Its the deathbed comment I object to.

I never understand why the SAHM is supposed to be obsessed with housework. I was far too busy doing interesting things.

Sorry not sure ppl have actually used the word 'deathbed'. I have paraphrased and am on phone so cant scroll back easily. Apologies if it looks like misquoting

morethan Ive come to the conclusion that most SAHM have a whole list of things they do as well as SAH and really its very similar to WOHM they just dont get paid

IHateGeorge

If you don't mind me asking could you not do something close to the work you did pre dc as a business. Or something completely different utilising the skills you have, or interest in a certain topic. A friend of mine loved history only as a self study something to do interest. She now is s/e searching records for family trees. She has had a number of clients and is making a profit after a short space of time albeit a small one.

Can I just clarify the cleaner bathroom comment. I had just spent a long time dokng housework and read sonething on here by fruola which made me realise how unimportant it was in the grand scheme of things. It wasnt meant to relate to sahms who I assjne are prioritising their families. Somethjng which no one seems to think thehll regret. Theh may also prioritise cleaning too and I would urge them to stop!