Stay at Home mums

[marilynmonroe]

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

My dh is busy he must think I'm embezzling too.

Permanentlyexhausted.

Hello, I know my posts are strange, but I like strange its not boring.

We did save the cb and tax credits, honestly gov. They went into a separate account, so we could save them.

The same (ish) amount paid for stuff for the dc, mortgage and utility bills the latter 2 being relatively cheap. Until moving here we lived very cheaply and managed on dhs income just about. We always had the saving to fall back on and called it the roof falling in fund. Luckily nothing drastic happened and we carried on like this for years.
We grew own veg, helped farmer with chickens for free eggs, bartered with neighbours and a scheme I forget the name of. But generally you offered free services for free services back. This saved us quite a bit. We had a wood burner, free wood through scheme, this fed radiators and aga stove. We really did manage on min wage. Now we have what others would have easily justified spending and I am some awful person.
Well so be it.
There are some really nice people on here but also a lot of jelous, horrible nasty bitches.
Not meant to you at all Permanently

I have done my first ever flounce.

embarrassing

We'll have to watch for a name change now, if morethan is going to post on other threads. I think after all the revelations she's spilled on here, she's going to have zero credibility if she continues playing the ' I'm so virtuous living on NMW while relying saving tax credits and gosh I'm glad I'm not one of those nasty uncaring mums who sends their children to school and has a job' card !!

She'll be easy to spot

"Nasty,uncaring mums"- bollocks.

Sorry wp consistently scare monger re pension,bad role model etc so not entirely sure why sahp can't mention the possible pitfalls of being a wp.

Both have drawbacks so sorry if you're going to highlight one side then you can damn well highlight the other.

This is sounding like a witch hunt now and verging on bullying.

As George said working families up and down the land have tax credits(and a shed load of other things they don't always rely on)without relying on them.More has been prudent and her frugality should not be condemned.

You are making accusations that are near libellous pretty much because she is a sahp.

I'm sure we could hound,dissect,bully,accuse,make assumptions about an awful lot of working posters but we wouldn't want to do that would we as it's just sahp that need to be treated like this- the feckless,lazy,fat scum that they all are.

blue I don't consider morethan representative of SAHMs

O fgs nothing libellous has been said. No one would need to be libellous- we've simply quoted back what morethan has admitted herself! Nothing wrong with relying on tax credits- but more than has repeatedly contradicted herself saying she relies on them and then that she saves them; also that she doesn't work, but then that she claims a 'wage' to fiddle the tax system...

As for the pensions issue- well, surely that applies to everyone, working or not, to ensure they have proper provision. It's not an attack on SAHM at all. Heavens- I know working women who don't have adequate provision!

I think it's entirely up to each family what they do, no attacking SAHM here; but at the same time I'm not prepared to read the shit spouted by morethan where she sets herself up as some kind of superior parent when she's actually been dishonest in what she's posted about how her life is financed.

Love it, so others should provide receipts to show they have spent their CB on the children but not you. You claim to be living on one NMW and "rely" on tax credits but have stated many times you save these to buy more property. So NMW pays for all your children, two adults, mortgage, bills mmmm I dont think.

Very nice of you to take that money from the state, am sure all the WOHM whose husbands work and are selfish for working too and leaving their children are very happy to know their taxes are buying you another home without you working for it.

This thread highlights why the government are getting rid of tax credits and bringing in UC. Sadly, as we can see, some have already find loopholes to still claim UC without actually going out to work.

Why do these threads always end in such acrimony?

hasn't this crossed over into comedy?

more than - put down the shovel! step away from the hole.

good luck next time you criticise working women!

Ditto SAHMs

blue - did you find those references back up your comments about childcare damaging children?

or not?

I actually think morethan is a mole for IDS.

She has spectacularly smashed every argument against universal credit and proved that it in no way prjudices SAHMs...

I'm getting the feeling here that one SAHM who claims tax credits is the reason for all SAHM's being bad

oh dear. poor more than...well not poor.... second-home-owning more than

I don't criticise SAHMs, although I do discuss the potential downfalls. I'm perfectly happy to accept that there are drawbacks to working, though.

As long as people are honest. janey is spot on, basically.

olgaga these discussions turn nasty when people denigrate perfectly legitimate ways of living from rather shaky ivory towers.

ihate don't be daft!

morethan is no more representative of SAHPs, than I am of supermodels ...

What has got people's goat, is that she has played the system. And even that isn't the main point. It's that on thread after thread she has stated that women who work to put (one) roof over their head are selfish and could stay at home if only they were as frugal and selfless as she is...

yy, ihate - what word said.

Tax law is a big debate for the nation. Accountants amazingly have become persons of interest after years of being grey people in suits.

There is as big a divide between people on PAYE and the self employed as between working and stay at home mothers. It is a gulf that can be bridged with knowledge and understanding.

My view is that whatever is done within the law is fine. Indeed I have a moral view on tax - that a small state is morally desirable so the less within the law all of us pay in tax the more good we do. Large state bad. Small state good.

Therefore if husband and wife both go out to work in Tesco on £13k a year rather than husband working on £26k a year because they both want to use their annual tax allowance of just under £10k each that is absolutely fine. I will not drum them out of England as dirty tax avoiders and ditto any person or company of any size. Nor will I criticise benefits claimants who claim that to which they are entitled. It is the rules or system that should change if the Government feels they are not right or fair.

Hello all.

I am not that bothered about a witch hunt to be honest.
I know that I am guilty of giving too much info, and alot of people seem to think I have done something terribly wrong. Just because they don't agree with me saving tcs and being a sahm for 20 years, which I have never said any different. I find it absurd that had we bought one new car, put central heating in the two houses we lived in (owned individually over 12 years) without and had one family holiday the money would have been spent, just like others do with their tax credit, nobody would bat an eye.
Thank you to those of you who have supported me.
I don't feel the need to name change but am avoiding these threads now and talking to the "nice people". I have decided to buy the second property as it seems a good way forward and will provide a small profit, hopefully
If anybody thinks that nothing libellous has been said they are mistaken and the person responsible should be lucky this is a forum, although the authorities are apparently cracking down on this.
Why on earth I or my accountant would act illegally is completely beyond me. Fiddling the books is fraud not just doing something a bit shady. It carries a custodial sentence. *Wuldric if you would like to forward your contact details for my solicitor, I will gladly give you mine so you can contact the authorities to investigate my illegal activities you accused me of. I know who'll come off worse.
As far as my working is concerned, I suggest people actually read and not automatically believe the poster in front has it right, but thats the joy of mumsnet I suppose.
I am looking forward to making my new job official, and actually getting paid for working, rather than dh just handing over half his wages, new tax year and all, so will have fewer posts anyway. I don't think I am being bullied because I don't give into bullying, but I think there are quite a few really nasty people on here.
Thank you once again for those who saw past the nastiness and offered support.

I just want to say, finally, that there are as many different ways of parenting as there are parents.

The following applies to both men and women:

Some have children young.

Some leave it until later and have many years of earnings behind them.

Some are well-off.

Some are in a couple, some were in a couple and are now single, some were never in a couple.

Some would rather pull out their own teeth than leave a well-paid job and a career they've worked hard for.

Some would rather pull out their own teeth than SAH even though they are bored in their job and it doesn't pay much.

Some would rather pull out their own teeth than leave their children in daycare, even if it means leaving a well-paid job and a career they worked hard for.

Some would love to work but can't obtain or afford adequate childcare.

Some have lots of family support and have no childcare costs.

Some can't get hours to suit, or work which pays enough to cover their costs.

Some would love to SAH but they are the higher earner.

Only you know what your choices are, if you're lucky enough to have a choice.

None of us should have to justify our choice to anyone. None of us know what's best for someone else. All we know is what's best for ourselves and our own families.

No doubt someone will come along and say "Yes but what about those lazy cahs who pop out children regardless and rely on the state..."

But that, I suggest, is a whole other thread.

Think I've nut agreed with Xenia for the first time- I think.

Faster there are studies that link aggression in boys to nursery,studies that link poorer eating to children of wp, sooooo many posters hark on about cortisol damage in sleep training so I personally wonder if it follows that a tiny baby away from it's mother and in a high stress environment will suffer the same. If you Google you'll find plenty of others which. I can't be arsed to trawl through as the fact is there is a huge element of common sense involved too and knowing me and mine.

I know my children and family would have suffered if I worked. My children,who I know better than anybody else does.Some women have better child friendly careers than I had,have different personalities/circumstances to me and my children.I also know that being on a school site from 8- 6 is not a positive for my children(other childcare options not great,many cm don't want to do after school care and I don't want my dc sat in front of screens all day at others) which is why I still haven't returned,why I'm dreading it and which is why they have begged me not to put them in after school care.

My children walk home from school at half 3,play outdoors every day with their friends on their bikes,free make believe play,they read,play the piano and I do extra school work with them.They are fresh enough to enjoy cubs and brownies,swimming,clubs etc. I cook a home cooked meal which we eat together and talk about the day.

I don't need any study to tell me that being on a concrete school campus with crappy lighting,little outdoors freedom,too much screen time,a shed load of family stress,meals not eaten together,kids too tired to do schoolwork,little freedom to create and just be from,amongst people they've been with aaaall day 8-6 is going to be a negative.

The downside is we are poorer and don't have holidays and there s a role model worry.I regret the limited travel more than anything as we used to travel a lot pre dc however you can't have everything,my dc know that they are lucky and as a result never nag or moan for anything.

I make sure my dc know I am doing a valuable job,that I have worked(I worked from home with them for 3 years too but it became too much)and I will work.I've taught them that they can achieve anything through hard work and explained that all the things we can't do through lack of money they'll need to work their butts off to do in school,at uni and later.I have explained that they too will have difficult choices to make too when they become parents ie I'm doing the best to offset the negs of being a sahp.

To be honest I'm not a materialistic person so being poor is a hit I feel is worth taking and something I can live and cope with.

There are negatives to both choices.Suggesting one side ignores the negatives of it's choice whilst the other faces up to them is wrong.

Blueskies If it wasn't for other mothers going out to work then there would be much less money in the pot to finance women like morethan who can't be arsed even once her kids at school and claims benefits to enable her to stay at home. Fair?

If you want to finance yourself fine but I resent working hard and pying lots of money into a system to finance women who can't be arsed working and who think that their needs and wants are more important than anyone else's.. The don't want to have to do stuff they don't want to do/stick to a routine/spend time with people they don't necessarily like etc etc

Boo bloody hoo - get into the real world

It's the needs of children that should be focused on,parents are adults and can look after themselves.

As a society we should and do look after children other than our own.

I'm lucky my dp has a job that facilitates me staying at home without the need for TC.Why are my dc more deserving than others from poorer families?

If a couple feels it would benefit their children for one to stay at home above and beyond the negs of being a one income family they should be supported not ripped to shreds.