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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stay at Home mums

999 replies

marilynmonroe · 13/05/2013 21:01

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
wordfactory · 16/05/2013 22:29

blueskies I don't resent families applying for tax credits at all.

They are designed to help the working poor who very much need them.

But they were not designed for people who refuse to work and don't need em anyways so bank the cash and buy a second home!!!!

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 16/05/2013 22:33

She wouldn't have got them if not entitled to them,some spend them on booze,somebody more prudent is using them to better herself.I know which I prefer.

And sorry choosing to stay at home with your children is not something to look down on whatever your household income.

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 22:34

Slightly off topic I know, but in my opinion benefits means testing should also include assets, i.e. property. It would be very easy to live cheaply if you have 3 houses, however, not so easy if you have no house and are paying £1000 a month in rent.

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 22:34

You obviously haven't relied on tax credits if you've saved them to buy a second home!!!!

Jeez...

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 22:37

And blueskies I've nothing at all against SAHMs when the kids are small and at home. But to refuse to work once they're at school all day because you 'don't like it', take benefits from taxes other people work hard to pay, that you clearly don't need as you can save the lot to buy a second home..

Well.. Something is wrong somewhere.

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:38

Blueskies
No one resents the recipient of tax credits if they are in genuine need . Read Jenais post - morethan has selfishly played the system,taken tax credits she didnt need, and berated women who work and actually said they are selfish for doing so . I have been around a while and name change regularily. On every thread she has played the selfless SAHM who puts her DC before money whilst playing the tax system to ensure she gets tax credits disgusting!

janey68 · 16/05/2013 22:38

' a fantasist, the figment of someone's imagination, Xenia's evil twin or a mixture of all three ..' - bloody brilliance Grin

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:42

IHategeorge

I realise this george, I didn't want you to think of me like that because its important for me to be honest. If there are people who don't believe me or think I'm a crook its their problem.
I wish we could take more money out of the business and would love a holiday (subject to paying for receiving a dividend for private use) Grin However, wanting to secure our future is more important than a holiday.
My dc has to pay up to 5k some weeks to musicians before payment can come from a venue. His colleagues have families and need payment and it is practice to pay on the night in most instances. It only usually takes 28 days for venues to pay, but sometimes it can fall in between "their usual payment days". Also, we don't have pension fund as we have seen so many lost. Saving and buying a small 2 up 2 down is our pension fund Grin

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 22:44

Sorry, no way he's genuinely minimum wage or he'd be the worst businessman ever. Hmm

Some creative accounting clearly.

janey68 · 16/05/2013 22:45

Keep up the multiple Grin morethan. You may even convince yourself one day ...

scottishmummy · 16/05/2013 22:46

my kids first words were money,not mummy
see with me you know you're getting outsourcing,and long hours in daycare
not flexi-answer approach a)frugal housewife doesn't miss precious moment or b)pa and landlord

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 22:47

scottishmummy Grin

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:49

janey

Xenias evil twin, maybe Grin a fantasist, I don't think so, but will admit to not being normal and boring. Obviously, having caused so much upset on this thread I'm certainly not going to fantasise.
It wasn't my intention to start a riot. Its not my usual thing. I think I'm pretty laid back.

I like figment of somebodies imagination.

I apologise if I have offended anybody whose nice. Grin

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 22:50

I don't think you're a crook morethan. You're claiming what you're entitled to claim. I think I am just pissed off that we can't buy one house on an allegedly good income, where we are told we are too rich for CB. I just see so many people now with multiple properties and I can't understand where we're going wrong. I guess we just missed the boat Sad

janey68 · 16/05/2013 22:53

Oh don't let me take the credit for those wonderful descriptions.. It was another poster who came up with those apt descriptions!

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:55

ScottishMummy

I haven't missed any precious moments and as 2 of my dc are grown men now am thinking about our future.
Have always done things to help dh in his business whist being at home and never stated otherwise. I am merely making it an official arrangement.
I am not yet a landlord, only hoping to be soon if it all works out.
As for benefits probably won't be entitled to claim if all goes ahead.
As for being frugal I am a bit bad when it comes to not getting my purse out dh and dc said I should have been Scottish (no offence its just a saying).

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:58

Apologies wont make this go away morethan as much as you would like it to do.
Grin afterGrin wont make us forget that you have moralised and judged those who work , whilst you take tax credits from those who really need them . Shame .

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 23:03

You say this Alvin, but morethan hasn't claimed anything she hasn't been entitled to claim. Being a SAHM shouldn't come into it. I am a SAHM and claim nothing, nada, zero. Apart from education and NHS that is. For what it's worth, I don't agree with tax credits. They are all that is wrong with this country. They have pushed up the costs of everything. I mean FFS banks take them into account for mortgages. They are very wrong in my opinion and will soon be gone anyway.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 23:07

Happygirl.

I would have needed those tax credits If we had chosen to better ourselves when we moved house. we could have used them to pay 1000 mortgage. Instead we had small mortgages on houses many would have thought inhabitable. We worked hard renovating those houses and paying the mortgage wasn't easy on a low income. We struggled, did without and now have a small amount to invest.
Alvin.
I don't see others saying I have said these things about people that work. Usually on sahm v wohm threads I tend to talk about choices and people doing whats best for them I am not the wohm hater you appear to think I am. However, I have obviously given you this impression. I have never wanted to work since ds1 was born, I made the choice not to work and am entitled to make that choice. This is my usual stance. Its up to others what they choose to do.

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 23:14

I think you have missed out the bit where morethan DH claims to be on minimum wage so that they can get top ups via Tax credits with the real money he earns going into the business. Noone has stated they do this morethan has admitted it and boasted that tax credits( saved not used) have paid off her mortgage.
morethan has on multiple threads berated WOHM for being greedy,selfish,uncaring mothers ...for working hard to provide for their families...

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 23:21

morethan on another thread you recyled someone elses opinion that having a second WOHP was selfish. I pulled you up on it .
You also state that WOHP do it for stuff and also look down on them for that.
Its ok- I now look down on you because anything you have ever written on here is hypocritical rubbish Grin

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 23:24

Maybe I did miss that Alvin, but I speak to really affluent people at the school who are doing exactly the same to pay less tax. Mothers boast that they won't lose CB as they have good accountants, blah, blah, blah. The fact is that successive governments do nothing to prevent this from happening. What could they do? All I know is that on PAYE, a huge amount of money is removed from your pay packet before you even see it. You can't get round losing CB, tax credits, etc. This needs to be sorted out. Not sure how though.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 23:25

Alvin.

Show me these threads. I have just been looking and have found a recent one on chat where I say pretty much what I said above.

I will agree I can remember a greedy and selfish post about dc who are in childcare all the time and wohm not needing second income who was arguing she did. Was this you by any chance.
It is a good idea when you are saying that a person thinks in a particular way to keep the context.

Alvin.
Don't ever go into business if you believe you don't leave some in to cover expenses. We ain't talking much here.
Its up to me what I do with tax credits. Would you be upset if I had a larger mortgage and they were still paying it off in years to come with no chance at all of earning more money?
My mortgage was small, the bank would have lent us at least 3x what we took. We didn't want to do this as were worried about not being able to pay it if interest rates went up too high.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 23:28

Oh Alvin, we live in the NW and house prices are cheap here. We used to live in a cheap run down cottage in East Anglia, renovated, then moved to another and did the same. Then we moved up here and did it one last time.
Anyway, I'm going now to count my millions I have embezzled.
No really going to spend time with my dh.

Permanentlyexhausted · 16/05/2013 23:37

Just caught up on this thread since last night

Morethan I'd walk away now if I were you. You're tying yourself in knots

"Spoiled and entitled child" on a few grand a year. I bet you have a lot more home comforts than me and have a lot more money. You obviously should if you have worked for it. I haven't worked for it, have hardly any money and rely on tax credits. Did you take your cb? Yeh, I bet you did.
I saved mine rather than spend it, my dc didn't go without anything they needed but had fewer wants than many dc I know. I did manage to pay for their hobbies, interests and sports clubs though so they were hardly deprived.

If you rely on tax credits you can't then save them.
If you saved your CB, how can you produce receipts for what you spent it on.

Sorry, I know it looks like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon but I was struck by the contradictory statements.