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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stay at Home mums

999 replies

marilynmonroe · 13/05/2013 21:01

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
wordfactory · 16/05/2013 21:49

Oh morethan we've all read your posts! The ones where you tell everyone how you do without to be a SAHM ... what with you being so selfless...not like those nasty working parents.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 21:51

Happymummy

My cb has always been spent on my dc. Milk and nappies when babies. Shoes and clothes when older. Isn't that what everybody does? I would gladly show you my receipts. Could I have been saying this about those on 90K receiving benefit? Or did I not say it at all?

I would still like to know what we have done that is either illegal or immoral when we have declared every penny and informed relevant agencies of any changes. Or am I responsible for how the system works now?

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 21:54

Sorry Alvin missed that vital element Grin

In comparison I can't ever imagine having to get up at the same time everyday, starting and finishing work within a set time, organising childcare, sometimes working with people I don't like, doing the same or similar repetitive tasks daily, only having a small time off in holidays per year. Having a role that somebody else has defined. Finding alternative childcare/taking time off for sick child sometimes with comments from colleagues

^^ this quote from morethan makes me very very Angry

So she's too good to have to do all this (diddums) but it's fine for other people to do it to generate tax to pay her tax credits to allow her to but houses...

As I said, Angry

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 21:56

Happymummy

Yes, I started a thread asking about doing this. I haven't been paid a wage all along. This is what I intend to do now. Before dh just paid himself the min wage as my dh he gave me half his wage. I haven't been employed. The money left is the business money and is there for business purposes, no ploughing back in as it isn't taken out. It needs to stay there for business expenses.

wordfactory · 16/05/2013 21:58

morethan you are not responsible for the system and free to milk it for all it's worth. Some might find it a leetle grubby...I couldn't possibly comment...

But to boast about it is pretty fucking stupid!

Especially when you spend time bleating on about how th changes in the system will prejudice SAHMs. I think you may find yourself being quoted form this thread from time to time in the future Wink

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/05/2013 22:00

"I think everyone who wants cb should have to provide receipts for the items bought with the money. I know some people are wealthy and some poorer but as long as it goes on the children I don't see a problem. Some poorer families who receive cb don't always use the money for children, to me this is just as bad." Posted by you 23/3 morethan.

Pot kettle black springs to mind given your tax credits buys property and not items for your children.

wordfactory · 16/05/2013 22:01

Can anyone smell a headline?

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:05

Happy the point is he isnt on minimum wage ! but he has only declared minimum wage to get tax credits - the rest has been "ploughed" into the business( pay for holidays etc)...
morethan has claimed on every thread to be a self sacrificing SAHM who does without and survives on tax credits whilst deriding WOHP who go out to work , we are selfish beings who could do without if we chose to play the tax system

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:09

So I don't want that kind of job working for an employer. So shoot me
I also think that many people would have to do without things living on a minimum wage. We managed it for a long time being almost self sufficient in terms of fuel, some food, etc. renting 2 small rooms off a friend with ds1 as a baby, trying to save for a deposit for our first home. !2 years of several episodes of "The Good Life" was worth it in the end.

Happygirl. Please read my posts correctly. We only have one house, currently looking to buy another with money we have saved from min wage and tax credit top up. You can do it too if you like. I will not be entitled to UC when it comes in due to income, owning own home etc.

Finally, I challenge anybody with a family reliant on TCs and min wage not to be concerned or wary about changing their financial situation. The amounts of income I hear discussed on here scare me to death. I wouldn't want to have to manage much more than 30k because I have never experienced this type of money. I hate spending money unless it is necessary. It isn't about trying to play the system its about worrying about what if it goes tits up, will I still get tax credit.

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:09

Can anyone smell a headline
Hahahaha ! Ohhhhh yes Grin

wordfactory · 16/05/2013 22:12

Woman Who Refused To Work, Banks 20 Years Worth of Benefits and Buys Second Home...

I suspect the Daily Fail will come up with summat a bit more snappy.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:13

Where have I said the business paid for holidays Alvin.

I gave an example of taking a dividend out of the business, which would be tax deductible. Can't you get it, if there was more money that dh could take out of business he would. The remainder stays there all for business use. If there was tons left we would take it out duh.

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 22:14

The moral of the story is don't be on PAYE. I have suggested to my dh many times that we should set up our own business and get a good accountant. He isn't keen. He likes his job apparently. Most of the people we know do have their own businesses and they seem to have a lot more money than us. I can't help wondering, but they can't all be on 100k a year Confused I was speaking to a mum the other day who has 3 buy to lets and is married to a man with his own business. She told me that they will not be losing child benefit as their accountant has sorted it. I am slightly more than pissed off Angry

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:16

Alvin

Top of the page. "will gladly show you my receipts*

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/05/2013 22:16

Morethan, if it all goes "tits up" you wont need tax credits as you have enough on savings to buy a second home outright so should last you a while whilst you find work. On wait, you wont need to as WOHM are the devil and anybody can survive on NMW alone as long as they make sacrifices.

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:16

it isnt about trying to play the system its about worrying about what if it goes tits up,will i still get tax credit Grin

You constantly boasted about using tax credits to save and pay off your mortgage whilst being utterly vile to women who WOH hardly being reliant .

Saski · 16/05/2013 22:17

Can someone explain the CB debate ongoing here?

HappyGirlNow · 16/05/2013 22:19

morethan you do make me angry.

Who do you think you are? Think you're too good to work in a job you may not entirely like? Well, guess what - some people have to do some things they don't love to do! It's called being an adult and supporting yourself.

But you're so entitled you're happy for everyone else to do things they may not want to do to pay money into the system that you can then take out and save to buy a house!

Oh and I'm well aware how business works. Your husband may take minimum wage but there's no way that's all you benefit from.

You talk like a spoiled entitled child.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:22

Ihategeorge

I promise you the money we have left in the business is not much at all and is circulated for business use. If we took it out we would be bankrupt almost immediately. We truly are min wage, but I can see how people may think we are mega rich. The house we intend to buy is only small and if ds1 doesn't want to live there and pay his bills then we will rent it out and after insurance and other costs will make about £200 profit a month if lucky. But every little bit helps, we may even move from min wage to almost average wage bloody hell. Grin

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 22:23

Saski, the child benefit thing is that the government have removed it from families where one person in that family earns 50k a year. If there are two earners on 49k each, i.e. 98k a year, they keep the lot. However, if one person earns 50k they lose it.

AlvinHallsGroupie · 16/05/2013 22:24

morethan if you are in a hole- stop diggingGrin

JenaiMorris · 16/05/2013 22:26

I rarely get irked by people playing the system.

I think morethan's particular gift has been to play the system whilst taking a special moral high ground by playing the frugal, self-sacrificing SAHM to the WOHM's profligate, selfish, materialistic drone.

I can't decide if you're a fantasist, morethan, the figment of someone's imagination, xenia's evil twin or a mixture of all three.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 16/05/2013 22:26

Erm think the vitriol is slightly ott unless you resent anybody getting TC.Surely any benefits are for families to do as they please with.I'd rather the recipient saved them,put them to some use than piss them down the pub.

Countless families choose to live on one wage so a parent can be with their children.It's not a crime however little that salary is.HmmBasically you're saying only better off families who don't need benefits should be allowed to stay at home with their dc.Hmm

ihategeorgeosborne · 16/05/2013 22:26

My post wasn't aimed at you morethan, but all the 'rich' people round here (and there are a few of them) do have their own businesses, and they are all very open about the fact that they have 'creative' accountants. I just get pissed off that this option is not open to those people on PAYE.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/05/2013 22:29

Happy

"Spoiled and entitled child" on a few grand a year. I bet you have a lot more home comforts than me and have a lot more money. You obviously should if you have worked for it. I haven't worked for it, have hardly any money and rely on tax credits. Did you take your cb? Yeh, I bet you did.
I saved mine rather than spend it, my dc didn't go without anything they needed but had fewer wants than many dc I know. I did manage to pay for their hobbies, interests and sports clubs though so they were hardly deprived.