Stay at Home mums

[marilynmonroe]

There is something that has been bothering me for a while about being a stay at home mum.

I decided to stay at home with my kids after my second was born. I enjoyed my job but wanted to be at home with my children. I have (and sometimes still) struggled with this. In the way that people who I meet will find me boring as all I do is look after the kids, clean, cook etc etc.I am an interesting person who reads, keeps up to date with what is going on in the world and I don't just talk about my kids!

Anyway, I'm getting to my point now, my eldest is about to start school in September and all I get asked at the moment is "have you thought what you are going to do next?" "Are you going to go back to work" now this may be due to small talk etc but...

It makes me feel that I should be thinking about doing something else.
But I feel that the kids need me now more than ever when they are at school and what about school holidays etc.

This isn't a thread about what's best, being a stay at home mum or a working mum.

I would like to hear from other mums that didn't go back to work when their kids started school and what they did with their time when they were at school?

I do worry about how i will fill my time when that happens and if I will get bored. Is there anything wrong with not wanting to go back to work and look after your family? Why do women feel that they have to go back to work when they don't need to? I'm in a very lucky situation where I don't need to work for financial reasons although this could change at anytime as my partner is self employed. I don't want to start a discussion about how some women have to work etc etc.

I'm not sure if I am being clear, I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Would like to hear other people's opinions just to make me feel better about my choice I guess. Maybe I'm trying to justify my choice.

Thanks for reading!

I agree. It is a luxury for me, and I am backed by my husband, in NOT having paid employment (I actually work quite hard at home). However, I worked for 26 years in a tough job and there are young people now who have never worked and don't have much opportunity to work. I was lucky.

I do not (rightly) receive any tax credits, any other "allowances" and have given up child benefit as my DH earns over the qualifying amount. I was for many years, struggling, as a single mum and I thank God I'm not there now.

Well, not God exactly. My husband, who is (at present) in well paid employment.

I am wondering what sort of person claims TC while buying a second home/rental property when many people work FT an cannot afford to buy.

I have been offered 2 tax reduction schemes recently and turned them down as the country needs money. I think I will award myself a medal in the style of Xenia....

Erm..., buying a second property whilst in receipt of tax credits? That's illegal, isn't it? This is what pisses me off! My sons's autism outreach worker service has been taken away, due to lack of bloody funds!

I don't think it is illegal whether it is tasteful or not is another matter.

one in ten children at my DPs school either have a social worker, or there are serious concerns about neglect (underfed/unwashed). the children's centre is being wound down....

I would claim TC if I could not manage without - but if I could, I would stand on my own feet. & not lean on the many people who work long hours, on average pay.

but everyone has their own standards. or not....

Oh my goodness... Really disgusted that the tax taken from my salary (that I work extremely hard for) is used to fund some lazy women sitting on her backside for 20 years because she's above having to work like the rest of us. And that between that and sly tax practices she's sitting mortgage free.

My dh earns above threshold for us to get child benefit now and we can't afford to buy a house where we are.

Ihate, i can see why the change is so frustrating for you.

Thanks Faster

Happymummy.

People aren't going to lose Tax credits, they are just going to have to become job seekers to enable them to keep payment under UC criteria.

Happygirl.

You are disgusted that we saved the money we earned and were awarded from tax credits. In case you don't realise these are paid to people who work and regarding family income. I nor my dh have never done anything illegal nor have we dodged tax. I really admire my dh for his honesty and integrity. In all the time he has been se then business owner every penny has gone through the books, which is more than I can say for many we know. If I had sat on my backside for 20 years I doubt if we would be in the position we are today. We certainly wouldn't if I had worked for an employer rather than sahm doing up our home, making a small profit for our next buy

Bloody hell morethan has claimed to be poor,budgeting carefully and in NEED of tax credits whilst playing the Tax system

Ive been on other threads where she has called WOHP disgusting,grasping, selfish for actually going out to work and EARNING money.
What a wonderful example to her children

just skimmed through to catch up

It srikes me that it has been said a few times that there is a lot of venom/jealousy bitterness towards SAHM from WOHM

I think its all in the perception; As a sometimes PT sometimes FT WOHM, the thing that repeatedly pisses me off on threads like this is the SAHM position that they are better mums than WOHM

The stance that everyone makes a choice and being a SAHM is better for my kids

Meh...you dont get much more cutting than that do you

will now go and read thread more thoroughly...as you were!

Alvin.

Call me what you like, but please point out to me on which threads I have said these things. I believe that people should work or not according to their preferences and whats right for their family. So I would appreciate you showing me where I have said different.
I would also like to know how we are playing the system. I prepare a spreadsheet of income and outgoings and have done all my married life, whilst not claiming a wage at all. I then email this to the accountant who does the rest.
We have had three houses during our marriage which were in need of a complete refurbish when we bought them. Each time we lived in them for at least 5 years whilst we slowly renovated them. Each time we moved we gained a small profit which became a good deposit for our next house. We have lived in this house for 12 years now and did the same with this. It is not my fault it is worth 3x what we paid for it now. The mortgage was quite small in comparison to mortgages today so was paid off quite easily by saving, not spending our money. I'm hardly doing anything illegal.
Each time I have gained any money i.e small inheritance I called tc office to inform them and unless it was earned income they weren't interested. I then put money in fund for dc to help them in future, as anybody else would. It wasn't a life changing amount.
If living on a min wage isn't poor for a family of 5 I'd like to know what is.
Finally, I have never said I have tax credits whilst owning a second home, we haven't bought one yet. But if they aren't interested when I declare this I will take what is awarded, the same as all you people on 3x our families income kept your cb for all those years. Shame on you taking a benefit on all that money Oh, it is a benefit now just the same as tax credits apparently.

Morethan, rather rich to say its ok to claim tax credits when you clearly dont need them but i recall on another thread you said people should not get CB unless they proved with receipts it was spent on the child.

Strange now UC credit beckons your DH suddenly has found a way to pay you both just so you can continue to claim them yet many threads say you will never work as its not good for your children. Mmmm ....

So wrong on many levels. Am sure other tax payers will be happy to know they are paying for you to do this.

I think it's entirely up to every family to decide on what suits them best re: working or not. However, I must say I can't help but agree with HappyMummy that Morethan's approach to finances seems a tad hypocritical and also worrying in it's naivety as looking at the whole picture, it really doesn't add up that this business can afford a second wage earner!!

potato,on tax credits you've accrued enough to buy property?how does that work
you're all over place with either describing your business self,or ekeing out living self
you're inconsistent and something doesn't add up (no pun) About your finances

You have no idea whether I get child benefit or not morethan
However you have repeatedly stated you live on your husbands minimum wage - The minimum wage you have chosen to declare to enable you to benefit from tax credits whilst benefitting from the undeclared salary you plough back into the business.

This is up to you ,not illegal,but to some of us immoral.
The fact is on other thread you have stated that taking a second salary,working as a second wage earner is selfish. I was under another name on that thread but I remember it clearly.
Hypocrite

I'm starting to think that I might have done it all wrong. I wish we'd bought a house years ago, but we didn't because both dh and I were moving where our jobs took us, i.e. promotions, better prospects etc. We did this for about ten years after leaving university. We finally moved where we are now, as it was between both of our places of work, i.e. equidistant travel for both of us. I then got pregnant with dc1 and continued to work. After a while, due to the nature of both our jobs, i.e. much travel long hours, I gave up my job to be a SAHM as it was very difficult for us as we were both away loads. We could get by on one salary and managed ok. We could have bought a house with 100% mortgage and interest only as all of our friends were, but thought it was really irresponsible. Clearly, we were wrong. We would have been ok now with low interest rates and funding for lending and the government doing everything possible to keep house prices high. Now we are stuck with stratospheric house prices, two of our three dcs are at school and happy, so difficult to move somewhere else without upsetting them. One dc still at home and a husband who still works away and long hours. Now, we have no child benefit either. I'm not sure what we should have done differently, but clearly the path we have taken hasn't really got us anywhere, certainly not financially. The dc are happy though and don't mind renting . I can't really go back to what I did before as it was very antisocial workwise. I was staying in hotels during the week, sometimes overseas. You would think that it would be possible to bring up a family in your own home on a good wage, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult.

Scottish

It seems pretty simple to me, apart from the accounting stuff but we pay for this service so I'm not too worried there. I do know that accountants do work on your behalf though in your interest. We chose somebody highly recommended and chartered so I'm sure she knows what she is doing.

Janey.
It can't afford a second wage earner. It can afford the same wage split in 2. The same family income so no tax dodge there. Instead of dh giving me half his wage. I will be claiming half his wage from the business.

Nothing changes financially except I become an employee of the business and will be paid for what I do. It really isn't that complicated surely. It will enable me to fill in any gaps I have with NI, although I have been paying voluntarily most of the time.
Also if the business is able to grow and make a larger profit, we will be paying more tax and relying on other tax payers less.
FFs you can't win sometimes

I think the technical term is 'playing the system'...

Alvin.

Maybe in another context. i.e relating to a specific circumstance I may have said this but don't remember. I think it would have been selfish if I had continued in my business I had pre dc as both dh and I were in a similar industry that meant we would hardly have seen the dc and I didn't want that for them. So yes if a similar context I would have said I think it selfish. I am talking about working from home not both jet setting round the world, living from a suitcase though

potato you have many mn persona to suit thread or mood?
1.hiusewife,eking out on h salary,but dot want to work as you don't favour it

1. business woman,entrepreneur,pa in business

3 twenty year tax credits to accrue saving to buy property,fir your own profit

Its playing the system whilst judging other Mothers who work for a living - get it right HappyGirl

christ been away for 2 days and this is still running!!!!!!

can someone summarise me the most offensive words directed at SAHMs and WOHMs????

did I see someone called SAHM fat and lazy!!!

Alvin, cant see how he can possibly be on min wage as more than says hes quite a famous musician who travels the world, private tutors and does consultancy work for both private and public sectors

The plan is to split his wage and she will be paid for some admin and his shirt ironing if memory serves me correctly to ensure they dont lose the money from the state. But as she has been doing this all along its not due to the benefit changes

Morethan, you have already said you dont need tax payers money really anyway so why not just stop claimimg?