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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my 5yo daughters name?

121 replies

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 14:45

I am planning to change the surname of my 5yo daughter. She currently has my maiden name but uses my married name so I am going to change it officially to my married name.

However whilst I am doing that via deedpoll (that is the only way to do it due to various circs) I am wondering wether to change her first name also.

Her name is Katie, when I named her I didn't realise that Katie is short for Catherine and ever since I found out I have regretted not giving her a 'proper' name. She would still use Katie as her daily name but would have the option of using Catherine when she was older.

so WIBU to change both her names while I am at it or should I leave Katie alone and just change her surname?

OP posts:

Original poster

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 20:20

I didn't worry about it being a nickname at the time because I didn't know. I only found out afterwards that it was originally a shortened form of Katherine.

Her surname won't change in her mind, she thinks her name is already katie Jones, school use katie Jones but she has her original name katie smith on her documents. The surname change would just make her officially what she already thinks she is.

It's very split opinion on wether a proper name is a good idea or not!

OP posts:

NynaevesSister · 10/05/2013 20:24

Weeeeelllll Musicposy that's official use of the name. She would be Catherine MarriedName on everything like school records, bank account, doctors. What they actually call her to get her attention in the playground/class/waiting room can be whatever you like. It is just that you can't use Katie MarriedName on documents.

My real name is a proper name that ends in an 'ie' sound. I like it and would never change it but there's one aspect I've never liked (and talking to other 'ie' people I'm not alone). It always feels like a 'girls' name, even now when I'm middle aged!

Letitsnow9 · 10/05/2013 21:29

I'm not katie but similiar, my parents decided they were going to call me by a name, why register me with the 'proper' name when no one is going to use it!

dozily · 10/05/2013 21:35

I sat on the fence earlier but on reflection...

Change it, change it, change it

deleted203 · 10/05/2013 21:49

I think Katie is fine! Of course it's a proper name if you love it.

People who think you should have a 'proper' name - and they are going to call you by it, whether you use it or not, piss me off.

One of my sisters is always known as Ginny. We know a woman who insists on calling her 'Virginia' every time she sees her. Gin's actual name is Ginevra - not fucking Virginia - so it really does her head in! Particularly as she's politely told the silly cow, 'It isn't Virginia - simply Ginny'.

Squigglypig · 10/05/2013 21:54

I have an older sister named Katie. Never thought it was anything other than a proper name! She's a doctor so hasn't done too badly for herself.

likeitorlumpit · 10/05/2013 21:57

what is it with you and a proper name op , why dont you think katie is a proper name ?

Praying4Beatrice · 10/05/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

perplexedpirate · 10/05/2013 22:04

My mum changed my name at 5. I really, really wouldn't.
At 5 you know what your name is, first name and surname. The change has caused loads of trouble and mess right into my adult life (mainly bureaucracy, but it could actually have put me out of my job).
Just leave it as it is, for her sake. I say this as someone who has direct personal experience.
Sorry.

ManateeEquineOhara · 10/05/2013 22:06

I changed my DCs surname by deed poll. The denouncing of the old name is covered by a line in the deed poll document, this is not something you need to do separately.

Original poster

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 22:07

Sorry likeit no offense intended, that's just the only way I know how to phrase what I mean. I know katie is a proper name, not like dewdroponapetal or something made up for instance.

I think I will stick with Katie and if she wants it changed as she reaches her teens then we can do it then.

If I offer to change her name now I dread to think what she would want! Probably rapunzal or something.

OP posts:

Bullets · 10/05/2013 22:08

I have two friends called Kate who are actually Katherines, and they both HATE it when people use their 'proper' names, which happens as lot as both police bods!

morethanpotatoprints · 10/05/2013 22:10

I can understand you wanting to change surname but wouldn't change her first name. Poor kid won't know where she is.

LynetteScavo · 10/05/2013 22:11

If you didn't realise Katie was short for Katherine when you named your DD, why worry that your DD might think you gave her a nn?

And don't ask a 5 yo......my DD has a long name, which we never called her....on her reception home visit her teacher noticed I was calling her by her nn and asked her if she wanted to be called...(lets say Catherine or Katie) She said Catherine (ofr example), as she thought it was a funny sounding word. 4 years later the novelty has worn off and she is begging me to tell her teacher what her real name is. But I won't because her real name is the long one.

marriedinwhiteagain · 10/05/2013 22:16

I think you should wait until she is older and see what she wants. She was given a name at bith and I don't think you have the right to change it without consultation when she is sufficiently mature to understand. bitter

KatesterNI · 10/05/2013 22:30

Hi there....this is my first post so I'm not sure if I am suppose to give my real name or not!! I couldn't resist though as I just wanted to say that I am Kathryn on my birth certificate but have been called Katie literally from birth (no idea why my parents did this ). It has been a real pain for anything official like mortgage, passport, driving license etc!

pinkyredrose · 10/05/2013 22:47

OP why are you changing her surname if you don't mind me asking?

Original poster

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 22:50

Because me, her older brother and her dad all have married surname. Only she has my maiden name. I had it when she was born but their dad and I got married when she was two. She has always used married surname, I don't think she even knows its not officially her name.

OP posts:

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/05/2013 22:58

I like Katie, just leave it at that. It's really lovely. I used to know a Jenny who was constantly asked if it was short for Jennifer but it wasn't.

Can I just ask though - you're changing her surname, considering amending her first name and say you hate her middle name - did you feel coerced somehow into giving her names you didn't really want to? Or have you just gone off the middle name?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/05/2013 23:01

Her older brother has his dad's surname but she doesn't? I not understand that, unless you mean her younger brother?

Original poster

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 23:02

I love her first name and would still use it as it is, I was just thinking of having it as an option for her. I was coerced into her middle name which I hate but wouldn't change as its just a middle name. Her surname would just be an official step as she already uses the name I will be changing it to.

All this name changing talk has for me thinking, I never got to choose my name, maybe its time for a change!

OP posts:

Original poster

HalfBakedCleverCookie · 10/05/2013 23:05

No her older brother.

Older brother was named after dad who was abusive so we split up, I was pregnant with Dd and named her my maiden name. Exh said he had changed and scared of being alone with two children I took him back, we married, he hadn't changed and we have now seperated. I will be keeping my married name as I like it, ds already has it and Dd has always used it and thinks its her name so I might as well make it official.

OP posts:

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/05/2013 23:14

I see, thanks for explaining OP, you've been through a lot. Personally I'd change mine and the kids back to my maiden name rather than keep the surnames same as an abusive ex's but it's up to you, of course. Good luck with it all.

katieellen · 11/05/2013 00:08

my daughters name is kate , i call her katherine sometimes to annoy her as she hates the name and says its old fashioned ,her friends also shorten it to kat , kate and katie are modern names , i would stick with katie she will never use katherine .

PaWithABra · 11/05/2013 00:55

the greatest song EVER written was written for a Katie. Don't you dare change it, ever.

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