to not want MIL to babysit DS yet?

[Kafri]

DS is 20 weeks old and MIL has offered to babysit a couple of times. the thing is, i'm not comfortable leaving him with her as she has barely spent any time with him since he was born.
She has changed his nappy once - when I kinda pushed her to do it - and was so jittery with it saying 'oh which way do i put ds on the mat' and 'what do i do with the wet nappy' and 'which way does the new nappy go'?

Now I know she is only going to learn by doing it but i'd rather she did it with us about rather than just got left with him.

DS cries each time she does hold him as he doesn't know her and she doesn't know what entertains him.

This isn't me saying I won't leave him with anyone - there are several people who I am happy to leave him with but these people have all spent plenty of time with him and ds knows them.

I take him to church on a sunday morning which lasts just over an hour and quite honestly, some of the old ladies in the congregation who pop over to say hi to him have spent more time with him than MIL.

She invites us round for eals but it is only ever in an evening and she knows I like to keep ds in his routine and in bed on time as he will not sleep anywhere other than his cot and he just ends up a frazzled mess but then i'll get another invite - 'would you like to come for supper'?

I have tried giving her a call in the daytime and said 'we're at a loose end if you're about at home, we could pop up and see you'? But their social calendar is always full so never have time

Guess i'm just wondering if i'm being U and PFB in not handing him over and walking away.....?

I can see what you are looking for - you want her to want to spend to spend time with her GS. While at the moment the babysitting offers are actually more of a favour to you, rather than spending time with her GS.

I had a bit of that. My DH made several comments about his DM not having a chance to do bedtime, or bath time, etc with both DSs during one trip. (They live abroad and were staying with us for about 6 weeks). I pointed out that I wasn't stopping her, she could ASK to do it if she wanted to. I didn't NEED her to do it, and I wasn't going to put myself out there as though I couldn't manage on my own (had had other issues with her on this trip). She never asked, and I neither did I.

But they can be slightly odd like that - my FIL had spent a week in the house without ever even touching newborn DS1, until I asked him to hold him for a minute so that I could make a cuppa. He then held onto him for the next 2 hours - a soundly sleeping DS1 on his lap (twas very cute!).

My MIL did though, offer to take DS1 when he had been crying for hours and hours non stop, and told me to go and have a quiet cup of tea on my own and she would walk with him in the lounge room. When I really need her for my sanity's sake she really does come through fabulously - we're both just a bit too strong willed for it to ever really be completely easy.

But they just aren't as hands on as my parents are. That is how they are. In fact all of my ILs (and there's plenty of them!!!) are like that. So perhaps that is how your MIL is. My family, on the other hand, practically snatch them out of my arms when we visit!!!