to not want MIL to babysit DS yet?

[Kafri]

DS is 20 weeks old and MIL has offered to babysit a couple of times. the thing is, i'm not comfortable leaving him with her as she has barely spent any time with him since he was born.
She has changed his nappy once - when I kinda pushed her to do it - and was so jittery with it saying 'oh which way do i put ds on the mat' and 'what do i do with the wet nappy' and 'which way does the new nappy go'?

Now I know she is only going to learn by doing it but i'd rather she did it with us about rather than just got left with him.

DS cries each time she does hold him as he doesn't know her and she doesn't know what entertains him.

This isn't me saying I won't leave him with anyone - there are several people who I am happy to leave him with but these people have all spent plenty of time with him and ds knows them.

I take him to church on a sunday morning which lasts just over an hour and quite honestly, some of the old ladies in the congregation who pop over to say hi to him have spent more time with him than MIL.

She invites us round for eals but it is only ever in an evening and she knows I like to keep ds in his routine and in bed on time as he will not sleep anywhere other than his cot and he just ends up a frazzled mess but then i'll get another invite - 'would you like to come for supper'?

I have tried giving her a call in the daytime and said 'we're at a loose end if you're about at home, we could pop up and see you'? But their social calendar is always full so never have time

Guess i'm just wondering if i'm being U and PFB in not handing him over and walking away.....?

One more thing I would say is that if your DH is not on your side about this, tread very carefully, as it could cause problems in your relationship.

I have 4 aged between 15 and 18 months. Mil has never babysat for any of them.
In fact I think she has seen the smallest one 2 maybe three times.
Sil has a big birthday coming up and Mil has asked us to tea at 5 one Saturday. It will take us 2 hours to get there and 2 to get home. (she has recently moved and complains nobody visits. )as it happens we cannot make the day she has asked, which is not Sil actual birthday. But will not suggest another day.

no DH is very much of the same opinion. hes cross that we've waitwd so long to have DS and now his M doesn't seem interested.

I was nervous about leaving my son with MIL (her children were babies 50 years ago!) but I realised how helpful it would be if I could. I started by leaving him for an hour (fed and nappy changed before I left) to go for a run, gradually extending.

The first time I was away for a meal time I got my husband to join her so she didn't feel awkward not doing it right with me there. They were fine together.

Now she looks after him regularly, he's as happy in their house as ours and I know she sticks to my preferences about meals, sleeping, Jaffa cakes, car seats etc.

I'm glad I but the bullet at each stage even though I was nervous as I'm reaping the benefits now and expecting loads of help when DC2 arrives in a couple of months.

oooh tread carefully everlong, op is only looking for supportive agreement, no differing opinions allowed

hmmm...do you have oarents around who have him alone? If so, YABU.

Why is she insisting on the OP taking the baby to her house? Why can't she babysit at the OPs house? Does it occur to her that maybe she could babysit but if it was in the OPs house?

And VinegarTits. Why can't you just give your opinion and just move onto the next thread instead of being so facetious? The OP posed the dilemma she can take and leave whatever advice she wants.

And I personally wouldn't want to leave my 20 week old child. There is plenty of time to babysit. If you are happy doing that then that is fine as well. We can't all react the same way.

everlong I think I am entitled to my opinion just as you are. Or is that not the case?

mytimewillcome i ask you the same question? why dont you move on?

everlong was giving her opinion on what she thought of your post (of which i totally agree) so why dont you just move on?

I agree with MyTimeWillCome, and everyone else who agrees with the OP. However, even if I didn't I wouldn't be rude and abusive about it. Of course everyone is entitled to give their own opinion and advice, but it's not about shouting one another down and being nasty to one another. We're all on here for help. advice and moral support, not a dressing down.

Well said Hannah052012. Some extremely immature people on here. And I am moving on. I hope when you put on a thread VinegarTits and everlong you don't get treated the same way. Plain nasty.

are you refering to me hannah? if so can you point me to my rude and abusive post?

its funny how some people see different opinions as rude, why post in AIBU if you only want to be told you are right?

YANBU to not want to leave him.

BUT

I think YABU to expect your MIL to perform in front of you to 'prove' that she can do it alone. I have changed a lot of baby nappies and played with babies and children on my own but I HATE if the parents are watching and feel like I'll never be doing it they way they would so I avoid or bluster or whatever, they probably think i'm incompetant but i'm not, i just hate being watched/assessed/judged while i interact.

hes only 20 weeks, you are entitled to be slow to accept the offer.

oh sorry did i forget to be all fluffy and agreeable and stroke the op while telling her shes right? there there dear, you'll get over it

'anyway, for gods sake crawl back under your rock until you have something helpful to add.'

^^this is far more rude and abusive than anything i have posted on this thread

I'm not referring to anybody specifically. It's just that there seems to be some short and sharp responses on here that aren't very friendly and supportive, and I think that's a shame. I'm not into arguing so will leave this thread alone now.