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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a smug bitch

51 replies

KatieSaysNo · 08/05/2013 22:15

Bit of background:

Me and a close school friend moved to a new area together (purely by coincidence) and decided it would be nice if we could both try and make new friends together as both of us were a long way from our families and didn't know anyone else.

We became friends with a group of women through a club we both went to and everything was fine for a few months, until July last year where she inexplicably turned on me, spread nasty, vicious lies about me through the group, who subsequently turned their backs on me and left me with nobody. She also harassed my family, claiming I owed her money (which I didn't), and various other pointless lies which caused me undue stress.

I was then diagnosed with depression, I lost my job and got into debt, partially due to the stress this had caused. She used to ring me constantly, leave me voicemails and laugh at me for having "no friends".

Fast forward to two weeks ago when I saw her on a night out with her sister who had come to visit, she was visibly upset and told me that the former group of friends had now completely dropped her, she was also sacked for gross misconduct and is struggling to find work. I was sat with about 8 of my new friends, who are all kind, lovely and have welcomed me into their group. I also have a much higher paid new job and am depression free!

SO AIBU to feel like a smug bitch that karma has bitten her on the arse?

And WIBU to tell her to piss off when she asked about coming to socialise with my new group?

OP posts:

CookieLady · 08/05/2013 22:19

Nope not unreasonable to be smug at all. Good on you for telling her to piss off!

CocacolaMum · 08/05/2013 22:19

fuck her, she sounds like a troll. YANBU but remember.. what goes up...

Sallyingforth · 08/05/2013 22:19

I'd like to hear her side of the story. It seems you are no better or worse than her.

larks35 · 08/05/2013 22:20

Not unreasonable at to tell her to piss off wrt chumming up with you and your new mates.
A bit unreasonable to feel so smug about someone else's misfortune, rise above that if you can before karma bites right back at ya!

Original poster

KatieSaysNo · 08/05/2013 22:24

The reason I posted is I've had a bit of a pang of conscience and am debating inviting her to our book group, purely because I know how lonely she must be feeling. Would I be mad to do so?

OP posts:

pictish · 08/05/2013 22:24

Ach I dunno...there are some people (rare though they are) that are so noxious that you can't help but wish a pox upon.

I've got a similar ex friend OP...who did similar to me.

I'd be quite delighted in your shoes!

pictish · 08/05/2013 22:25

Oh come on....that's not why you're posting....don't lie!!

You're doing the ner ner ner nerrr nerrr dance.

Cherriesarelovely · 08/05/2013 22:28

I don't care how mean it sounds, it is bloody nice when someone who has wronged you like this gets their comeuppance! Don't blame you at all for feeling smug. Glad things are going well for you!

Xales · 08/05/2013 22:28

Depends really. Do you want to give her the chance to spread lies about you and lose your new friends?

You are the better person in that you are not calling her up and being vile.

You would be mad to trust her in any way again.

50shadesofbrown · 08/05/2013 22:29

feel free to feel sorry for her as she's on the down slope. But, she's done it before, have you any reason to think she won't do it again, especially as you've now publicly snubbed her.
Probably rein in the smug though, as PP have said, what goes up...

Cherriesarelovely · 08/05/2013 22:29

I just saw the bit about the book group.....it's up to you obviously but no, given the abuse she doled out to you I wouldn't want anything more to do with her.

Lj8893 · 08/05/2013 22:29

I love karma!!

Seriously though, I understand that you feel for her but I really don't think you should invite her into your social group, she may have changed but is it really worth taking that risk?!

But you don't need to be a bitch back to her (not saying you are!!) and I think it would be very high and respectable of you to be friendly and polite and nice to her, but certainly keep her at arms (or even further) length.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 08/05/2013 22:33

I wouldn't have even given her a second of my time when bumping into her on a night out, and you'd be fucking bonkers to involve her in your new friendship group.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 08/05/2013 22:34

No! Stay well away

RenterNomad · 08/05/2013 22:41

I don't imagine you can trust her, although be very careful about letting her guess that!

larks35 · 08/05/2013 22:42

Considering your OP, I can't help suspecting that your charitable second post, suggesting that you might invite her to your book group, may give you too many opportunities for revenge.

E.g. "How do you know X?" "Oh, she was the bitch that ostracised me from our mutual friendship group and played a big part in my subsequent depression etc." (Am aware it wouldn't play out like that so obviously but YKWIM)

Don't do it OP, don't be the "bigger person" or the "smug bitch", just get on with your life.

OctopusPrime · 08/05/2013 23:02

So you want to invite her into your new group of friends so she can trash that like she did to your previous group?

It seems obvious that's what she wants to do by asking if she could join you.

Steer well clear!

eccentrica · 08/05/2013 23:06

Why did you even speak to her? She's poison.

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/05/2013 23:08

No don't invite her! Are you mad woman?!

Let her steep in her just desserts.

Monty27 · 08/05/2013 23:09

She's do be pitied really, from afar imo.

TigerSwallowTail · 08/05/2013 23:09

...she inexplicably turned on me, spread nasty, vicious lies about me through the group, who subsequently turned their backs on me and left me with nobody. She also harassed my family, claiming I owed her money (which I didn't), and various other pointless lies... She used to ring me constantly, leave me voicemails and laugh at me for having "no friends"

I'm debating inviting her to our book group...

Seriously? Surely you already know the answer to that question?

picnicbasketcase · 08/05/2013 23:09

You clearly far nicer than she is, but don't invite her back in. Don't give her the opportunity to turn another group of people against you.

WafflyVersatile · 08/05/2013 23:10

Either she has treated you as badly as you say and you should stay away from her, or you are both bad for each other. the answer is still the same.

I'd feel smug too. And then sorry for her and guilty even though I'd have no reason to. And then try to put her from my mind.

Monty27 · 08/05/2013 23:12

Smugness isn't really a nice trait btw. As I say, pity her from afar and enjoy your new friends.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 08/05/2013 23:15

Before you decide either way, can't you talk to her and find out what the hell she was playing at?

Spreading vicious rumours about someone, ostracising them and then laughing at them is unbelievably cruel, that I'd want to understand the reasons why she did it, and ask her if she now feels any remorse or regret.

Because otherwise, as others say, she might just do the same again.

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