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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a smug bitch

51 replies

KatieSaysNo · 08/05/2013 22:15

Bit of background:

Me and a close school friend moved to a new area together (purely by coincidence) and decided it would be nice if we could both try and make new friends together as both of us were a long way from our families and didn't know anyone else.

We became friends with a group of women through a club we both went to and everything was fine for a few months, until July last year where she inexplicably turned on me, spread nasty, vicious lies about me through the group, who subsequently turned their backs on me and left me with nobody. She also harassed my family, claiming I owed her money (which I didn't), and various other pointless lies which caused me undue stress.

I was then diagnosed with depression, I lost my job and got into debt, partially due to the stress this had caused. She used to ring me constantly, leave me voicemails and laugh at me for having "no friends".

Fast forward to two weeks ago when I saw her on a night out with her sister who had come to visit, she was visibly upset and told me that the former group of friends had now completely dropped her, she was also sacked for gross misconduct and is struggling to find work. I was sat with about 8 of my new friends, who are all kind, lovely and have welcomed me into their group. I also have a much higher paid new job and am depression free!

SO AIBU to feel like a smug bitch that karma has bitten her on the arse?

And WIBU to tell her to piss off when she asked about coming to socialise with my new group?

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 08/05/2013 23:23

yeah, because everyone loves someone pitying them over them being smug. Grin

MammaTJ · 09/05/2013 00:33

Did the other group finally realise how nasty she was perhaps? And her employer?

Hang on, was she a nanny by any chance? She could so easily be the other nanny in the mummy of two angels thread, just as nasty.

sweetestcup · 09/05/2013 00:39

A bit unreasonable to feel so smug about someone else's misfortune

Sorry if someone is so horrible and cruel like this person I don't think its being unreasonable at all.

OP, did you ever find out why she turned?

Mimishimi · 09/05/2013 00:59

No need to feel smug about her misfortune but I wouldn't invite her to hang out with ne or my new friends if I were you.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/05/2013 02:25

I think you'd have to be Mother Theresa not to feel a smidge smug in the OP's shoes, even if it's just a fleeting thought that's never actually vocalised.

I would just be dying to have her explain herself, is all. Especially now that her chips are down and she can really, truly empathise with how it must have been for the OP.

And being able to empathise with her right back, I'd probably want to be a friend, but NOT if there was any chance at all she was going to try for a repeat performance.

Pennybubbly · 09/05/2013 02:41

A serious question OP:

Why did you even speak to her?
She called you to laugh at you, told lies about you, ostracized you from your own friends, harrassed your family - in other words - is a complete and utter bitch to you - and you still chat to her?

Either you exaggerate in describing her treatment of you (I'm sure you didn't), or you are an incredibly forgiving person to sit and listen to her. In which case, you wouldn't feel smug? Confused

yearoftherat · 09/05/2013 03:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yearoftherat · 09/05/2013 03:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Herhonesty · 09/05/2013 03:55

In someways you sound just as bad as her.

notnagging · 09/05/2013 04:03

Don't invite her to your new group. Be civil but learn from your past experiences with her.

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2013 04:09

YABU to feel smug, but you were right about it being bitchy to feel that way. :(

However. You owe her nothing; she has caused you problems in a group of friends once, why would you even consider giving her the chance to do the same thing again? And trust me, she would. Especially if she sees you in a good place again - for whatever reason she did it last time, could be jealousy, could be tall poppy syndrome, whatever - she might want to bring you down again. Don't give her that chance.

What's that saying - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Don't be that fool.

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2013 04:10

I see yearoftherat had the same thought!

TheRealFellatio · 09/05/2013 04:14

I'd quite like to hear her side of the stoery too, adn there is something that doesn't sound quite straightforward about this to me - I'm sturrling with the idea that someone who would do such vile things (ringing you constantly to laugh at your for having no friends? Really?) out of intense dislike would then suddenly pour out her heart to you about how it has all gone so wrong for her. Confused

I also struggle to believe that whole group of presumably intelligent adults with minds of their own could be so easily turned against you by one person.

Still, giveing you the benefit of the doubt, if everything is as you say it is, then YANBU.

TheRealFellatio · 09/05/2013 04:15

oh FFS. Hmm

I'm still half asleep, typing not good.

her side of the story, as there is something that doesn't sound straightforward, struggling with the idea. etc.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/05/2013 04:21

I agree. ^^

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2013 04:24

"I also struggle to believe that whole group of presumably intelligent adults with minds of their own could be so easily turned against you by one person."
You'd be surprised, Fell. It's quite shocking how easily people can be led to believe that someone is not the person they thought he/she was. It's like they say - if enough shit mud is thrown at someone, some of it is bound to stick, and it does! I've been on the end of this at work - people who knew me pretty well, or I thought they did, were fed a bunch of crap by someone who had a vendetta against me (honestly, he was completely headfucked and had caused me no end of bother) and they all believed his version of events, despite it being utterly illogical.
It's the "no smoke without fire" syndrome.
I also used to work with someone like the OP's "friend" - she would be sad and lonely, so you'd feel sorry for her and befriend her - and then she would turn on you behind your back and bitch about you to anyone who would listen. Then move on to the next person and do the same to them. Eventually she ran through everyone and they all realised what she was like, but it takes a while!

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2013 04:25

And before you say it, yes, this particular workplace had an awful lot in common with the school playground, even though it wasn't one. Grin

TheRealFellatio · 09/05/2013 04:56

OK, fair enough but if the original trolly behaviour was as bad as the OP says, why on earth would she even get into chummy conversation with her on a night out - let alone consider inviting her to book group?

I'm wondering if the OP is one of those people who exaggerates and catastrophises everything, and has a bit of a overly-dramatic persecution complex.

I need to know more about the 'nays, vicious lies' this woman apprently spread, the money apprently owed, and the exact content of the phone calls, including quantity and exact content. Grin

I can't get my judgeypants into the correct level of hoikedness otherwise. Too much of vagueness going on for my liking. Grin

(and I find it hard to believe there really are that many deeply strange and spiteful people out there, but if MN is anything to go by I'm obviously wrong as threads like these are quite common.)

TheRealFellatio · 09/05/2013 04:57

oh ffs, it is me or my autocorrect? I'm fed up with having to retype everything. Angry

nasty lies, not 'nays' and apparently

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2013 05:44

Grin - you're getting like Chaos!

The Op could just be one of those people who can't quite believe people are that nasty and is prepared to give them a second chance. Or yes, there's a lot more to this. But from my own experience, I would say there doesn't need to be any more to it, just the other person has some kind of grudge, usually from a flawed sense of self-worth, and has a tendency to get their kicks from bringing others down.

Either way, OP should steer clear.

coraltoes · 09/05/2013 06:11

you sound like kids. The pair of you.

yearoftherat · 09/05/2013 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PirateMonkey · 09/05/2013 09:22

Try not to feel smug just be glad for your improved circumstances. And no, don't invite her in, learn your lesson and move on.

roses2 · 09/05/2013 09:36

Karma :)

RenterNomad · 09/05/2013 13:31

Do any friends in the new group know your "history" with this woman? If not, don't start telling all and sundry now, as it will appear you are acting just as poisonously