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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Update: is my cleaner stealing from me? Yes she is. WWYD?

116 replies

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:14

I posted a thread on here a few weeks ago, detailing my suspicions that my cleaner was stealing from me. I thought she might have been going through my wallet as I was missing a sum of money the day after going to the cash machine (not for the first time, I noticed it when I had taken out a large amount to pay for something specific) and separately noticed that a five-pound note was missing on the same day from the coin bowl we keep by the door - the one my husband empties his pockets into in the evenings.

What I did: let her know that I had noticed some money missing and asked her to please keep an eye out (I was very embarrassed and she has very little English so I'm not sure how much got through). Started paying her by bank transfer and stopped keeping cash in my wallet. Forgot about it for a little while.

Last week my husband came home from work and asked me if I'd taken money from the coin bowl. It's usually small change or a couple of quid in there but he had put £10 in pound coins in there and forgot to put it back in his pocket that morning. Gone. This week I emptied the little bowl of pound coins - I didn't count the whole lot of small change left behind, mostly coppers, but noted that there were four 50pence coins. Now gone.

So yes, she's pocketing the change. It can't go on, she doesn't have enough English to confront satisfactorily (and she has a key until next week when she goes away and the agency will take it to send me a replacement cleaner). She's warm-hearted and very very fond of my baby son. We are gutted at the thought that we may be about to ruin her life over £2, because she will lose her job. She's also a bloody good cleaner; I am not, and the replacements who have come from the same agency before were terrible. I don't care about £2 here or there. I do care when it adds up to £5 or £10 a week, and I do care that someone thinks they can help themselves.

Is there any way out of this? WWYD?

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 08/05/2013 15:43

Erm... I'm pretty certain theft is a crime in Bulgaria too. She can't not know what she's doing is wrong. I remember your previous thread very well OP, this wasn't just taking stuff from the change bowl, wallets/handbags have been rifled.

I'd be incandescent if I discovered a member of my staff had a history of thieving and no-one had reported it. I run a dogwalking agency, our clients trust us with keys and alarm codes to their homes, my business would be ruined if word spread around that "DRB's lot were light-fingered". Word-of-mouth is by far our biggest lead for new business.

Branleuse · 08/05/2013 15:45

you wont have ruined her life, she will by stealing from you.
She can be as nice as pie to your face, but if shes a thief, shes a thief. Just because she doesnt speak english, im sure there is a word for stealing in her language. Dont patronise her and let her away with it.

my cleaner always leaves any money she finds round the house in a little pile on my shelf

DeepRedBetty · 08/05/2013 15:46

PS Can I also thank you for updating us? So often we all hear a story on here, contribute our tuppence-ha'penny, and then never know what happened next.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 08/05/2013 15:47

This isn't as uncommon as you may think.

I worked for probation for a while, and we had a lot of "nice" people who had started off stealing small things (money, cufflinks, clothes) and then moved up to bigger things (laptops, games) and got caught with something big.

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:47

I tend to keep change in my purse, husband dumps his in the coin bowl along with cufflinks, keys etc. I might throw some coins in if I've just run to the shop with a tender and my house keys but not handbag, so I don't usually know how much is in there.

When I missed the five pound note it really struck me and I posted on here. When husband missed ten pounds in coins, it struck him. And today we both counted the large coins (I texted him to see if he'd taken anything, and after last week he had counted the money this morning before he went to work). I can't prove anything regarding large sums of money from my wallet, but the change from the bowl is a regular thing and that troubles me. Now I'm starting to think of all the times I was sure I had change in the bowl, found that I didn't, and rounded up her pay instead...

OP posts:
timidviper · 08/05/2013 15:48

It is very difficult to accuse somebody though and cost them their job unless you have absolute proof.

When I was 14 I was offered a saturday job in a small shop that was one of a local chain. After about a year the manageress told me they did not need me anymore but, as I had a chance of a better paid job elsewhere I was not too bothered. Shortly after, my parents heard that she was telling people I had been let go for stealing (apparently confirmed by leaving a marked note in the till). We were all very upset as I was definitely not. Six months later the company sacked the manageress after a complaint from another member of staff who was "let go" under similar circumstances. It transpired that she was allowing her husband to wait in the shop unsupervised while staff were getting their coats, bags, etc or lurk about the office which she had not disclosed and he was the culprit. I was lucky this did not affect my employment but it could have been a nightmare.

If you are going to make a formal complaint please be absolutely, definitely certain that there are no other possibilities.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 08/05/2013 15:48

If she is stealing from you/purse/change bowl then she will be doing it on every other cleaning job she does too. That will add up to a fair amount of 'tipping' each week! You must tell the agency, I would be livid if I had a cleaner who did this.

As it happens I have a brilliant cleaner and she would never dream of doing something like this. If you live near me I am happy to pass on her number. Im S Bucks.

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:50

Fuck.

Now I have to Take Steps.

Thank you all for your responses, you've been utterly lovely and sympathetic. Wonderful vipers! Flowers

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 08/05/2013 15:50

She isn't a nice person, sorry but she's a devious and untrustworthy person.
Of course she seems fond of your baby boy, she knows the way to your heart! She isn't stupid.

You really should warn the agency, and never have her back, and definitely change your locks.

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:52

Timidviper, I don't have absolute proof in a hand-in-the-till sort of way.

I only have noticed it on a few occasions when there's been no one else here. My husband has noticed it. And today we both counted the bloody thing, after not wanting to face up to it for ages.

OP posts:
Astley · 08/05/2013 15:53

I would not have a single moment of hesitation about telling the agency.

Would you let a pickpocket get away with it? She is a petty theif. Plus I would never EVER have someone backin my home whom has stolen from me. Who knows when she'll decide to ramp it up a gear?!

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:53

Jax, that's lovely of you but I am in London. Flowers for Jax!

OP posts:
RooneyMara · 08/05/2013 15:54

I think the only issue here is proof. You have none at present. Could you possibly set up a small video camera - or some kind of test - to establish that you're not mistaken?

BuntyPenfold · 08/05/2013 15:55

OP, you are a nice person, because you don't want to believe it of her.

However, you know the truth really, and I think you knew all along.

it isn't a nice situation to be in, but it isn't your fault.

Astley · 08/05/2013 15:55

thief not theif!

RooneyMara · 08/05/2013 15:55

x posts, sorry.

sparechange · 08/05/2013 15:55

A lot of people here think the key thing is proof

Would it be possible to get that proof, perhaps by leaving a laptop/computer on with the webcam pointing at the change bowl?
Or a webcam left on a shelf nearby? Or a nannycam teddy!
I'm not sure how much legal standing it would have, and whether it would be considered entrapment, but at least you would be able to say to the agency that you had suspected for some time she was stealing, and here is the proof?

theoriginalandbestrookie · 08/05/2013 15:55

It happened to us. I had a cleaner through an agency, discovered she had stolen our Tesco clubcard vouchers. Could see totally why she did it - can imagine she thought oh they won't miss them.

I would have been happy just to let her go, but the agency didn't believe me, so I ended up having to report to the police.

I would get the agency to get the key back from her straight away as soon as she gets back from holiday. It will be impossible to prove one way or the other but I would let them know.

RooneyMara · 08/05/2013 15:57

You cannot be expected to give a month's notice if the cleaner is acting outside the law, btw

I'm sure that's not right

Hercy · 08/05/2013 15:58

You could leave a phone/iPad/laptop video recording by the change bowl with a few pound coins on top to catch her red handed. But frankly I don't think it's necessary. It's your home, not a shop, and the only people who had access on the day you know money to have gone missing are presumably you, your husband and the cleaner....

SlowLooseChippings · 08/05/2013 15:59

She leaves on the 14th, so they will have the key back from her before then. I don't know whether to email them and ask them to call me now today, or wait til she's definitely gone so as not to give them any space to tip her off.

Selfishly I'm also dreading having to find a new cleaner... One who knows what they are doing!

OP posts:
CalamityKate · 08/05/2013 15:59

She isn't that warm hearted or nice though is she? She's a thief! Hmm

Hercy · 08/05/2013 16:01

My cleaner lives in Croydon, (travel to beckenham for me) if you're near there I can recommend her as entirely trustworthy and good at her job.

fengirl1 · 08/05/2013 16:02

Tbh, I would take the keys from her next time she comes and tell her to go home and not come back. You KNOW she's a thief. Only you can have any idea how many hundreds of £ she's likely to have stolen over the time she's been with you. If she wants to know why, tell her. She'll understand enough to know what you mean believe me. Whether you tell the agency is up to you.

LibertineLover · 08/05/2013 16:03

It'a a mine field OP because it really is a gamble when you give a stranger a key to your home.

Everyone's right though, she didn't just take the odd 50p from the coin bowl, she went in your purse FFS.

I wouldn't have her in the house one more time, and yes, I'd definitely tell the agency why.

Have you no friends that have cleaners? think the best way is word of mouth. Good luck.