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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear a white dress to a wedding?

155 replies

ToothpasteKisses · 06/05/2013 22:04

Have a friends wedding in June.

Have been looking at dresses online and my favourite ones are white. None are "bridey" looking dresses.

If you were the bride would that annoy you? Or is it a silly old tradition that only the bride wears white?

OP posts:
lisianthus · 06/05/2013 23:31

See, as the point of the custom is that you don't turn up in something that gives people the impression either that you wish you were the bride or want to be the focus of attention, It's tied intrinsically to the custom that brides tend to wear white. So as long as it is the custom that brides wear white, you'll look pretty odd if you turn up to a wedding in a white dress when you aren't the bride.

IMHO, i think it's almost worse if you do it at the wedding when the bride isn't wearing white, as there is a bigger chance you'll be confused for the bride.

And you don't do it to avoid annoying the bride; as most people have pointed out, she'll probably won't notice. You don't do it to avoid your own embarrassment at being thought a bit of a sad wannabe.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 06/05/2013 23:33

My friend turned up in a white dress to my wedding. 20 years ago. I still remember that, though I've absolutely no idea what anyone else was wearing.
I may be old fashioned, but wouldnt do it. Its not your day.
I have since reflected that she was jealous but even so.

finnbob · 06/05/2013 23:35

Don't do it, plenty of other colours

NotYoMomma · 06/05/2013 23:39

I went to a wedding once where a woman was wearing a white crop top and white leggings, the sheer type.

This was recently and not the 90s.

I was :o WTF?!?!

My mum wore a white jacket to my wedding but this was after 20 or so failed shopping attempts and with my blessing she looked fab, bit she was so worried about what people thought she wouldn't relax!

ENormaSnob · 06/05/2013 23:57

Don't do it.

You will be judged.

Badly.

Sunnysummer · 06/05/2013 23:57

Yabu - as people above said, even if the bride doesn't care, it will definitely make you a focus of negative gossip from the other guests, so it won't help you and won't necessarily help the atmosphere.

GibberTheMonkey · 07/05/2013 00:00

I have no idea what any of the guests wore to my wedding apart from two friends who wore the same skirt.
To be honest it wouldn't have bothered me at all. But I know it bothers other people so I wouldn't do it

duffybeatmetoit · 07/05/2013 01:05

My MIL wore an ivory dress to my wedding. Didn't ask me whether I minded (other people's opinions are never considered) and I wasn't actually bothered. But the number of people who made a point of letting me know that they were horrified on my behalf was amazing - and I imagine loads more were discussing it amongst themselves.

It still seems to be a huge no-no.

Thumbwitch · 07/05/2013 01:13

Glad you're thinking of wearing something else, OP - it's not just the bride's feelings to be concerned with (although she'd be the only one with any right to be pissed off) but all the other people who would think it's a bit "off" as well.

Hope you find something you like in a different colour! :)

doubleshotespresso · 07/05/2013 01:15

No, no and thrice no

LittleMissLucy · 07/05/2013 01:46

I didn't even wear close to white at my own wedding, but if someone had turned up in white, I'd have thought them to be a complete, and utter arse.

thermalsinapril · 07/05/2013 02:27

YABU. Given the choice of all the dresses in the world, why would you pick a white one if there were so many other options?

currentlyconfuseddotcom · 07/05/2013 02:35

No, don't do it. It's really entrenched in society that it's a faux pas, even if the bride doesn't mind.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl · 07/05/2013 02:47

I wore a cream dress like this to a wedding - honestly not bridal at all, with a big dark green belt and dark green cardigan.
I realise I am going to Hell for this now but at the time I really didn't. Blush

Bumbolina · 07/05/2013 06:13

I think as long as it isn't floor length, and you have bright accessories it isn't too bad - but a floor length white dress just looks a bit hmmmmm

TheRealFellatio · 07/05/2013 06:18

Yes. don't even think about it.

Unless it is white with lots of other colours in it somewhere and VERY VERY un-bridal.

coralanne · 07/05/2013 06:35

This reminds me of my DD's wedding.

Her MIL wore a dress exactly the same colour as the bridesmaids.

I did think at the time that it was a bit strange but thought no more about it. Her DD was bridesmaid so she knew what colour the dresses were.

She is a beautiful sewer and made her own outfit so I don't know if she saw the dress and thought "Oh that's a nice colour" and went out to match it.

changeforthebetter · 07/05/2013 06:50

I wouldn't ..... but I am somewhat cack-handed and would spill something like red wine or tomato sauce down myself BlushGrin

The Next dress is a bit bride-y.

SacreBlue · 07/05/2013 07:00

I went to a registry wedding with a new bf once, he bought (control issues but of course I thought it sweet at the time) me a monsoon dress to go. i get to the wedding and it was exactely the same as the brides only in dark red. I was mortified and had to stay well away from the bridal party Blush

PicardyThird · 07/05/2013 07:04

I'm obviously massively out of step here, but I really, really wouldn't mind this if I were the bride, even if I were wearing white.

I wore green silk to get married and MIL turned up in a fairly similar shade. I did think it was a bit Hmm but honestly couldn't be bothered to be offended.

Wannabestepfordwife · 07/05/2013 07:22

I personally would only wear white to a wedding if the bride had a colour theme and wanted people in white but otherwise no definitely not

MaryPoppinsBag · 07/05/2013 07:25

A friend of the family wore a white suit (not sure what colour top under) to my wedding, but I let her off it was her 25th wedding anniversary the day we got married. Maybe she wanted to relive the moment.
She was of an age not to upstage me though!

I wouldn't wear white to a wedding though.

nulgirl · 07/05/2013 07:52

My neice's mum (db's former partner) showed up at my wedding wearing a white dress. I wasn't really too fussed but I did think it was a bit sad and desperate to try to upstage the bride. Everyone else there was talking about it and my friends still remember her and laugh.

ZillionChocolate · 07/05/2013 07:53

It's good manners not to try to upstage the bride. For as long as white is traditional, that means not wearing white as a guest. Given that 50's style dresses are quite popular, I think short white is off limits too.

MrsMelons · 07/05/2013 08:31

White with some colour added would be fine. If you were wearing a satin full length white dress with white accesories then that is different.

Brides never wear white now anyway (well I did actually but in general they rarely do)

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