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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you have an all day wedding you should have food before 9pm?

379 replies

Buffetblues · 05/05/2013 18:17

We've been invited to a wedding in August the invitation said that, despite the ceremony being at 1.30pm, there will be no food until the buffet at about 9pm?

AIBU to think that if you want to cut catering costs on your wedding day, you don't get married so early? It's seems really selfish to me to have an all day wedding with no food but I'd be quite happy if the service had been at say 4pm?

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 06/05/2013 17:36

YANBU. The guests will be eating each other by 9pm!

We got married at 12.30, had canapés/drinks directly after and a meal at 6. We still got complaints people were starving!

Original poster
Buffetblues · 06/05/2013 17:37

I just think you should make your arrangements in line with your budget and if you can't afford to invite loads if people and ensure they all have a good time, you opt for a later service or a smaller guest list. Believe me, there are somee big ticket items included in this wedding at the expense of feeding people, simply because the bride and groom want those things more than they want to ensure their guests enjoy the day.

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 06/05/2013 17:38

I confess we did have evening guests - but it was limited to work colleagues. DH and I worked in the same place, over 100 staff and between us we knew a lot of them. There had also been quite a few weddings and it was the norm for that group to do evening invites to workmates.

DeskPlanner · 06/05/2013 17:52

I love this thread.

As much as I want you to go op in order to report back I would not be going.

I still don't understand why they can't have the service latter if they only want to provide one lot of food.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 06/05/2013 18:40

They will end up with people so drunk they will be vomiting. And very grumpy people. I wouldn't go as my DH is Diabetic and I would tell them this.

"Sorry can't come, the lack of food for 9 hours would give DH a hypo."

People have VERY long memories of bad weddings and this one will be one of them. In ten years time the guests will be saying "Do you remember that crappy wedding where there was no food and everyone got shit faced and ill?"

Original poster
Buffetblues · 06/05/2013 18:47

I know it's horrible but that's the only reason I might end up going chocs as I'll never appreciate the true horror of it all if I don't go.

Who oh why are people so fucking self centred though? Who honestly sits down and says our guests will forget they are starving because this live band are brilliant??

OP posts:
ChocsAwayInMyGob · 06/05/2013 18:49

Everyone will hate them by 9pm.

JulieCarp · 06/05/2013 18:53

Surely this is going to backfire because people will drift off to buy food etc and end up at the chippy or local pub and Bridezilla will go into meltdown because noone is -hanging around
starving- going to be there ?Confused

JulieCarp · 06/05/2013 18:54

strike out fail !

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/05/2013 18:58

What are people going to do for eight hours? Apart from getting very very drunk. Chatting for that amount of time gets a bit boring. I feel sorry for any guests who won't know anyone else. Painful.

You have to keep your guests happy.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 06/05/2013 19:01

Yes, I can just imagine the bride and groom saying "where is everybody?" around 7pm when there's just a few drunken stragglers left.

TolliverGroat · 06/05/2013 19:10

Illustration, we couldn't afford to pay for two meals when we got married, so we had a 4pm wedding.

And I suspect "the best day of their lives" is more likely to be spoiled by all the guests who've been drinking for seven hours or so on an empty stomach who then end up falling asleep in shrubberies, vomiting luxuriantly or getting into fights.

squeaver · 06/05/2013 19:14

Love this thread. Whether you end up going or not, you have to let us know how it all turns out.

My prediction is 50% of guests horribly drunk and throwing up. 50% just giving up and going home.

squeaver · 06/05/2013 19:14

And, yes, people will remember this wedding for DECADES.

Patosshades · 06/05/2013 19:19

Buffetblues you have to go for us all Grin with blow by blow details of the day

Original poster
Buffetblues · 06/05/2013 19:19

It really does make me sad to think that people will think so ill of them. I've tried and tried to make them see why their plans won't suit everyone but they are so wrapped up in all this shit, they can't see it how everyone else will. Still, it'll be a wedding to remember, if only for all the wrong reasons.

OP posts:
Thatssofunny · 06/05/2013 20:23

Are they having any other food available for the time in between? Might not have to be a proper main meal, but perhaps little things to eat as you go along?
You could perhaps have an early lunch, before the ceremony? Or indeed, take a picnic...

Is this a British thing, that you don't have cake in the afternoons? (Only British wedding I've ever been to, the wedding cake was eaten after dinner and after dessert...How odd. Nobody seemed particularly interested in it at that point.)

We (and our guests) will have a late breakfast (about 10/11 am). Our ceremony will be at 2pm, buffet dinner at about 8pm.
In between, we are having the wedding cake and some other cakes, tea, coffee. My family spend hours having coffee and cake. I've also asked for there to be fresh fruit on offer throughout the day.
We are getting married in the middle of August as well and temperatures are likely to be in the 30s; I don't think anyone would want proper food too early in the day. So I can understand it from that viewpoint.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 06/05/2013 20:39

Then you have a smaller wedding or go for a potluck in a church or village hall.

Exactly. The very best wedding I ever attended was for a young couple with very little money (but many friends) that was held in the US equivalent of a village hall. They asked the guests to bring food and drink in lieu of gifts. There was recorded music and people played the piano. There was a real sense of community, much dancing, singing, and merrymaking, and the food was excellent and plentiful.

Original poster
Buffetblues · 06/05/2013 20:43

I'm really grateful for all the comments on here. It's made me realise it's not me in the wrong and that there was an alternative the bride and groom could have opted for, but instead they've gone for the maximum reward for minimum outlay option, which, quite frankly sucks, and in which I intend to play no part.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 06/05/2013 21:39

What a shame. I hope it doesn't have repurcussions for your friendship that you regret when the wedding craziness wears off.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 06/05/2013 22:39

Thatssofunny- I would find that a bit of stretch, just having cake for lunch! breakast at 10/11- dinner at 8pm = 9 or 10 hours between meals!

I do agree about wedding cake though. Why serve it when everyone's full?

Darkesteyes · 06/05/2013 22:55

Big ticket items OP? Are they having a horse drawn carriage as well as a live band?
I went to a wedding similar to this three years ago. Wedding was at 1.30pm and food wasnt until 8-9 pm and that was long enough. I remember nipping into Greggs with one of the bridesmaids at 8.30 in the morning for sausage rolls.
So having to eat on the run like this usually works out to be an unhealthy option as well.

wigglesrock · 06/05/2013 23:18

I too have been to several weddings with timings like this - without exception feckin' carnage. People drank too quickly through nerves, hunger, awkwardness. Guests had disappeared by the time the meal came, most people were hammered, the speeches well even now I getting embarrassed remembering them. We also werent allowed into the reception room until the meal was due to get underway, so there were all these people fighting over a few chairs in a lobby area.

It's telling that I've been to quite a few weddings and these ones are the ones I remember best and not for good reasons.

Shylepite · 06/05/2013 23:36

I can't believe anyone would do this! I would be really embarrassed about my guests being hungry, wtf are they thinking?!

Darkesteyes · 06/05/2013 23:40

This would never happen at an Italian wedding NEVER.