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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:

ImAlpharius · 03/05/2013 18:05

Why don't you hire a Vicar costume and get a mate to do it in your back garden, your DC will be 'christened' your family will be happy and you can have whoever you want. But you won't be lying to anyone not directly connected with and taking the mick out of other peoples beliefs.

QuintessentialOHara · 03/05/2013 18:06

Just make sure you pick some who wont bluster and flush when the priest look them in the eye and ask "have you been baptized in the Christian faith?"

Because that may actually happen.

LookingThroughTheFog · 03/05/2013 18:08

This is my opinion, and I say this as a Catholic who attends every Sunday, it's fine. Don't worry.

In my (personal) opinion, whether the child should be Christened or not should be based on whether the parents want him or her to be (and you do, for whatever reason).

Anyone can Christen or Baptise a child in an emergency. All you need to say is 'I baptise [Name] in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit' and if you really want to, splash some water on them. That's the whole of the ceremony that we're talking about here, and if you believe in it, this is what, in effect 'gives' your child to God. If you believe, then the only question that you need to ask is 'Does God love this child.'

Everything else, the Church, the Godparents, the cake, all of these things are just fripperies.

So, in my personal opinion, your church are being unreasonable. In my (personal) opinion, the most immoral thing you can do is to refuse to allow someone who wants to come to God to do so. I don't think any person should put an obstacle between God and another person. I think it's wrong. I think the same thing about gay people marrying in the church, but like I say, my opinion is my own, and obviously far from universal (did you see what I did there?)

babybarrister · 03/05/2013 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jaabaar · 03/05/2013 18:12

I dont know what religion you are, bit of u r catholic the rules are that only one godparent has to be baptised and confrmed.

I had thr same dilema as both my chosen godparents were not christebed as catholics. I wanted to lie abt it but after some soul searching came to conclusion that it would invalidate the christening of my dd.

So i added my mum as third godparent.

I would not have been comfortable lieing in front of god in a church.

aliasjoey · 03/05/2013 18:16

I don't understand why the OP has posted and keeps posting with details about what to people who are religious must be a thoughtless and insensitive topic. She has said she is going to do it anyway, so why bother asking? It sounds like she is being deliberately provocative and piss-taking.

She could have just gone ahead and done it, without making it a big deal of it, but instead... to come on here and keep saying she doesn't care - it seems a bit mean.

eccentrica · 03/05/2013 18:18

YABU. I'm an atheist Jew and I think you're taking the piss.

Have a naming ceremony and get over yourself.

Original poster

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 18:21

I'm not doing that. I'm trying to find out if I can just tick a box about godparents without having to provide proof.

I'm not saying I don't care, not once.

OP posts:

Original poster

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 18:22

Eccentrica - how exactly am I on myself?? Get over yourself would imply....? What exactly?

OP posts:

StuntGirl · 03/05/2013 18:24

"She has said she is going to do it anyway, so why bother asking? It sounds like she is being deliberately provocative and piss-taking."

I agree entirely.

themaltesecat · 03/05/2013 18:29

You don't have to be a Christian to have an ethical code - but it helps, it seems.

If you glibly tell such pointless lies, you really are not a fundamentally good person, OP.

NorthernLurker · 03/05/2013 18:29

This thread is why Christians marrying non Christians need to be very cautious. The OP doesn't believe. Her presence at the christening will be a lie because she plans to make promises she has no intention of keeping and she wants to drag some of her non-believing mates in to the charade as well. That's pretty despicable.

Op - leave the christening up to your DH. He can pick believing godparents and make promises he intends to keep. I imagine he'll be relieved. Can't be nice knowing you're married to a hypocrite.

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 18:33

You obviously don't care, you obviously don't value the christening otherwise you would be respecting the need for godparents to be Christian.

You seem to be ignoring questions asking what your husbands views on your proposed lies are?

IsItMeOr · 03/05/2013 18:34

Quint you're right about the random questions vicars ask at baptisms. It was attending the baptism of a friend's son, where the vicar asking the godparents if they believed in life after death that helped speed up my realisation that I was atheist. I never agreed to be a godparent again after that, much to my DSister's dismay.

Strangely, some vicars do seem to take baptism and godparents seriously. Who would have guessed?

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 18:35

Calling the OP despicable and a hypocrite is pretty harsh. She just came on here for opinions on whether or not to tick the box, not to have her moral grounding questioned. AIBU was probably not the best place for this question though. I'll re-iterate, though it says on the form Godparents must be christened, I think it would be totally unreasonable of the church to refuse to allow you to discuss the matter respectfully. Can't hurt to ask. If he says no, then maybe you need to find a more inclusive church.

LookingThroughTheFog · 03/05/2013 18:36

My word, aren't there an awful lot of religious types lining up to forget 'judge not lest you be judged.'

I'm certain it's very Christian to be lining up to hurl insults at someone who asked a question. Jesus did that all the time, didn't he?

IceNoSlice · 03/05/2013 18:37

To the people saying that the church should be 'more inclusive' and bemoaning the 'strict' criteria of having godparents who have been christened...

I think the church (certainly my CofE church) is very welcoming and inclusive. Almost to the point that, in pursuit of trying to appear modern, inclusive, non judgmental etc, the church knowingly allows many non believers to use it's buildings and priests for aesthetic, non religious reasons. (Pretty wedding pictures, a more grand ceremony etc). The church does this in the hope that some people might one day decide to come to regular services, and will remember how friendly it was at their wedding etc.

The baptism service, as noted above, requires godparents to make promises for the child. In an ideal world the godparents (and parents) would be church goers. But no-one is quizzed about regular church attendance. I see the requirement for godparents to be christened as a nod towards this ideal, and I'm sure many godparents are not christened.

It is very frustrating to a lot of church goers to see people get married in church or christen their children but never step foot in church at other times. Possibly at the Christmas children's carol service but only if it will 'get them feeling all Christmassy'. But we just accept that this is the way it is, feel a bit sad, then quietly carry on with our own faith.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 18:37

My thoughts exactly Looking

crypes · 03/05/2013 18:40

Christians arn't without sin, only Jesus is without sin. If you say you are without sin then you are saying you are Jesus and that's sinful.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 03/05/2013 18:42

I don't think I would lie, it seems wrong somehow......and I am an atheist

Original poster

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 18:43

Sirzy - my husband is happy with the 'godparents' we've chosen. And more than happy to tick a box.

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 03/05/2013 18:44

Being a Christian doesn't mean you adopt an anything goes attitude. The OP has asked if she should lie and ask her friends to lie. The answer (which she has no interest in hearing) is of course no.

If you want to ask Jesus what he thinks about people using religious institutions for their own craven ends then go ahead - but don't be surprised if you get turned out of the temple

ConferencePear · 03/05/2013 18:46

Leaving the religion out of it ......
You are planning to lie so that your child can join a club that you don't really won't be to again just because you like the joining ceremony.
I find that illogical and I'm an atheist.

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 18:47

So he is as bad as you then.

I still don't know why you have asked though because you have no interest in peoples responses!

ConferencePear · 03/05/2013 18:48

sorry ... that should say
'a club that you don't really like and won't be going to again'

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