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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:
Soupa · 03/05/2013 17:24

Hiddenhome I did this because I respect how important the sacrament of baptism is to my dad. And to save him having to do it secretly which he would do but would find stressful. It is entirely without value to me, i would not have any other ceremony and have no interest in fine pictures and a good frock.

Having been brought up within catholicism, having nuns and priests in the family I can say with confidence that they prefer babies to be baptized even by non practising parents. The priest I know best doesn't even mind those who marry in his very pretty church just for the pictures. He hopes a start in faith and a marriage that starts with a sacrament has a good start.

As for your anger, he without sin and all that...

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:24

HAVING! Not saving...

OP posts:
TerrysAllGold · 03/05/2013 17:25

" I would rather chose people who I think have a chance of being in my daughters life forever,"

++ bangs head on keyboard ++

Christening is not about choosing people who will be in your child's life forever etc etc, it's about choosing Godparents who will guide the child in the faith.

Dear Lord! ++rolls eyes ++

Good luck with it. I hope the atmosphere and the Church teach you something worthwhile. I'll leave the thread now, before I say something which is rude rather than accurate.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:26

I think the number of bumble's chosen religious Godparents outweigh the non-religious one, so I think she'll be in good standing when having that discussion with the vicar. I totally get picking people who you believe would be in it for the long haul. My Godmother wouldn't recognise me if I passed her in the street. OP is going to do what she wants anyway, so condemnation from certain MNers is a bit fruitless really, but we're all entitled to our opinion, and debate is good!

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:27

TerrysAllGold - good. My reasons don't have to make sense to you. You seem very angry, I think maybe there are deeper issues.

OP posts:
freddiemisagreatshag · 03/05/2013 17:29

Why ask if you're going to do what you want anyway?

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 17:29

Error I think you've made an error on your maths. There are 3 non-religious, 1 religious.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:33

Okay fair enough. OP just chat to the vicar. They might be more open-minded than you think.

elliejjtiny · 03/05/2013 17:33

YABU

Has the vicar talked to you about your (lack of) faith OP? When I was a baby my mum was a christian and my dad wasn't so the vicar refused to christen me.

ghislaine · 03/05/2013 17:34

Just have one godparent then. Or have relatives as godparents, that is totally fine.

The rest of your mates can be spared having to stand in front of the congregation, make an affirmation of faith and promise to support the child and its parents in their Christian journey. You know, it's not just you who'll be lying if you go down the path you're suggesting. You obviously don't have a problem with that, but maybe your friends might.

Then you can choose guardians for your child with a clear conscience.

Problem solved.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:34

Then your vicar was overly harsh. Your poor mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:35

Ghislaine - I asked them. They have no problem. They'd be honoured.

OP posts:
ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:37

ellie your story is one of the reasons why I have a problem with religion. Don't have a problem with most religious people, but some of the 'rules' are so outdated and unfair. I know a couple who were refused a church wedding because the groom had been divorced. Even though the bride-to-be was practicing Christian and never before married. Very harsh and short sighted.

ghislaine · 03/05/2013 17:38

So you want to have people in your child's life who are happy with publicly lying?

Ok. I give up.

freddiemisagreatshag · 03/05/2013 17:40

If they'll lie in front of a church and a vicar and make false promises they don't mean, how do you know they're going to be in your child's life for the long haul?

aliasjoey · 03/05/2013 17:41

If your PIL are religious and want her to be christened why not ask them to be godparents?

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2013 17:45

Bumble, you keep posting "read the OP", and "what aren't you getting?"
It's quite clear that you're asking would you be unreasonable to lie to the priest about some aspect of your child's proposed christening.
The side issue of "but one of the godparents is confirmed and is very religious" is completely irrelevant. YABU to lie, full stop.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 17:46

Yeh, I guess it could be an option to have rellies as Godparents, and ask friends to be guardians ? Or just don't worry about the stupid form, and as I said don't ask us on AIBU .... you might get a baptism of fire on here Smile

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:48

Hey if I was asked to be a Godparent I'd be honoured too. I would happily stand up in church and renounce Satan. I'd respect the church and its values. I wouldn't say I lied. I would say that I was touched that the baby's parents trusted me enough to allow me to be an officially named role-model for their child. That is far from a mockery of the faith. Of course I've been baptised so lying about that is not an issue. It is really frustrating that some churches are not more inclusive. My DM in her youth was exploring a lot of faiths and was told by a priest not to become a 'spiritual gypsy'. Way to put someone off from joining.

StuntGirl · 03/05/2013 17:57

"Stuntgirl - I'm not mixing them up. I just want them to be the same people for us."

You are absolutely mixing them up, and if you do this christening properly you can't have them the same unfortunately.

Show some respect and have a naming ceremony with these super duper special important, but non-religious people.

Or have the christening and choose religious family members to be the godparents and have a naming/welcome to the world ceremony where you choose specific friends to play some important role in your childs life.

Wishiwasanheiress · 03/05/2013 18:00

Ok appreciated then that dh has faith as do family so, why ask us? What do they think? If its something u couldn't ask them? Or have u? Did u not like their thoughts?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/05/2013 18:02

Yes I do take StuntGirls point that there is room for some more creativity in people's response to the whole situation - might make the church think more carefully about what they can offer families at this important time of life too (and whether they really want to be giving out forms with tick boxes for people to fill in)

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 03/05/2013 18:03

I think YABU. I'm not religious at all, but irrepespective of how many times I re-read your OP and following points, I feel like you are missing the point spectacularly (I know you will say you are not, but you really, really are).

And if it is really that important to your family and DH - are they not bothered by the lie?

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 03/05/2013 18:03

Irrespective, even!

jaabaar · 03/05/2013 18:04

I dont know what religion you are, bit of u r catholic the rules are that only one godparent has to be baptised and confrmed.

I had thr same dilema as both my chosen godparents were not christebed as catholics. I wanted to lie abt it but after some soul searching came to conclusion that it would invalidate the christening of my dd.

So i added my mum as third godparent.

I would not have been comfortable lieing in front of god in a church.