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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the church about our godparents?

368 replies

bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 15:25

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

OP posts:
ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:02

My comment was responding to Sirzy's original one

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:02

Someone said something about making a mockery and having something stupid on my head at the same time... It was in answer to that.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:03

Sirzy - I know that they would like the godparents to be christened. The ones I want are not... Hence, the question over lying about it.

It's pretty clear.

OP posts:
TerrysAllGold · 03/05/2013 17:04

"Terrysallgold - do you have a Christmas tree? Give presents? (now you'll say you don't and you'll be lying.)"

Bumblebeesue, no, I don't as it happens. I haven't celebrated Christmas for 20 years, Easter for even longer. Don't even dare accuse me of lying about it either.

And btw, the Christmas tree is a Pagan symbol, not a traditionally Christian one but as you don't have any respect for others' faiths I don't suppose you knew that.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 17:04

'And of all the people to tell lies to and take advantage of I'd have thought that decency suggests that a priest would be the last to try it on with.'

Grin yeah because Priests as a group never lie or cover up any bad behaviour....you also shouldn't lie to estate agents.

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 17:04

But being Christened is an indicator that someone has been raised as a christian, asking for someone to be confirmed is even more of a confirmation of their faith.

If someone was a regular church goer but not baptised/confirmed they could easily enough get the vicar to confirm they are practising.

Either way it doesn't make it right for someone to lie!

SantanaLopez · 03/05/2013 17:05

I don't think the faith aspect makes the school any better. I think parents who are motivated enough to lie about their religious state, are also motivated enough to really support the school thus making it a good school. If you took away the faith aspect the school would be just as good (and slightly more broad minded).

I agree with this. Faith school does not equal good school!

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 17:05

*Sirzy - I know that they would like the godparents to be christened. The ones I want are not... Hence, the question over lying about it.

It's pretty clear.*

Therefore they can't be GODparents!

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:05

Nope. I thought Santa and the Easter bunny were the most famous gods of all Hmm

And I can disbelieve you if I like.

The question about a tree was more to do with asking if you celebrate Christmas. But you knew that.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:06

Sirzy, I think you need to read the OP again.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 03/05/2013 17:07

We were never questioned about our Godparents (high CoE) and we are Godparents to a Catholic god-daughter - I am CoE and DH is Catholic, both not really practising.

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 17:07

I have read it and still believe that lying is very wrong.

Godparents should be Christians. Not have boxes ticked to lie and pretend but actually Christians.

mrspaddy · 03/05/2013 17:09

Do whatever makes you feel happy but honestly can't see the point of a religious sacrament with two godparents not of faith. I wouldn't lie in a church of all places. Why not have a naming ceremony. The church is being made a mockery of.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:10

I know someone who is not Christened who is a Godparent. I doubt she was even asked. She can respect other faiths without practicing herself surely. What's important to me is that the child is brought up loved and respected for who they are by the people closest to them. I've said before I would prefer a non-religious ceremony myself, but if church was important to the father's family, I'd probably do what the OP is doing. Maybe not the lying part. But you're never going to please everyone anyway.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:11

Mrspaddy - how is it being made a mockery of when everyone but me (parents, DH, other relatives, at least one godparent) is completely invested in it and believes? Would it are you happier if I didn't go?

OP posts:
TerrysAllGold · 03/05/2013 17:14

"Nope. I thought Santa and the Easter bunny were the most famous gods of all

And I can disbelieve you if I like."

As it happens I have an extremely good reason for not acknowledging Christmas, one which is associated with a very distressing bereavement. You can disbelieve me all you like but it's not me who's the liar here, is it?

Upon reflection, I do think it's a great idea that you take part in a Christian ceremony and mix in those circles. I hope it might rub off - it'll do you good.

ErrorError · 03/05/2013 17:15

I will hold my hands up and say I've lied in church! I've sang hymns at funerals and listened to reverent speeches at weddings. I don't believe any of it and feel a bit silly doing it, but should I be excluded? I am clearly going to hell!

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/05/2013 17:16

bumble I think two issues are becoming confused.

  1. Should you have a Christening when you don't believe, but the wider family does? I think most people on the thread agree this is ok....maybe not hidden.
  1. Should you lie about the religious views of your Godparents, thus making the 'pledge' they make on the day pointless? General view is no. If your parents, family, DH etc are really invested in it would they want this anyway?
whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 03/05/2013 17:18

How about you are just honest with the vicar? If it's something your husband wants to do, and he won't be crossing his fingers when saying things like:
"Parents and godparents, the Church receives these children with joy.
Today we are trusting God for their growth in faith.
Will you pray for them,
draw them by your example into the community of faith
and walk with them in the way of Christ?
With the help of God, we will."
Then I imagine the vicar would be happy with it. It's not exactly uncommon to have parents who believe differently these days. What you do during the service I guess depends on what the vicar then says.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:18

Terrysallgold - I have no problem with my conscience. I'm a good person, I give to charity, I give blood, I'm kind. None of this changes the fact that I'd rather have the people we are closest to be DD's godparents than people we would be forced to have simply because they have a certificate they can't remember getting.

How many godparents are fully practicing Christians nowadays? None I know. DH doesn't even remember who his are... And my cousins children don't see theirs due to people drifting apart. I would rather chose people who I think have a chance of being in my daughters life forever, than fulfilling a formality.

OP posts:
5madthings · 03/05/2013 17:18

You can explain to the vicar and see what they say?

As an aside i am godparent to my frirnds chikdren; i was christened as a child and then baptised at about 12? But then stopped going to church at all and am totally atheist and was atheist when i became a godparent. My friend knew this and we agreed the role i will have in her childrens life and i am happy to educate and support them follow a christian faith if they choose to follow it.

So 'technically' i could be a godparent because i am christened and baptised but as i now have no faith it seems daft.

Op are your friends religigious? Is your dh or his parents religious?

People get married in church and christen/baptise their children for a variety of reasons. It sounds like it has religious meaning to your dh and inlaws but not to you? In which case you have some godparents who are religious and ithers who are not.

If there is a god i am sure he would be happy that you are choosing people who are important and will make good godparents/guardians and be a good role model to your children.

Surely the rule re godparebts is a 'church' rule. What does it actuallu say in the bible about this type of role and service?

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:21

5 mad things - I am. One of our godparents is confirmed and is very religious, the other three are not, though they do believe as far as I know.

OP posts:
hippy1952 · 03/05/2013 17:22

I think you are being very, very unreasonable. As part of the baptism service you will promise to renounce sin. How can you in all honesty do that when you will have told lies to the vicar. If you are only having your child baptised because a grandparent thinks it should be done and so that you can have a party I think you are being unreasonable.

freddiemisagreatshag · 03/05/2013 17:24

I think it's a bit two-faced to go and have a religious ceremony with people who don't share your faith. Especially given the promises that godparents have to make.

I wouldn't lie.

Original poster
bumblebeesue · 03/05/2013 17:24

Hippy - the AIBU is about godparents, not about the christening. I'm saving the christening regardless.

OP posts: