AIBU to expect a Midwife not to ignore a request for an epidural?

[OldRichandGrateful]

I have had an exciting day being a birth partner with my (a lot younger) DSis. Her husband is away in the forces and I was back up support. DSis had a beautiful daughter.

She had a tough time and this wasn't helped by the total lack of any help from the Midwife. My Dsis was in great pain and struggling to keep calm and focused. She kept asking for an epidural and the Midwife kept fobbing her off. The Midwife didn't stay in the room for very long and just kept disappearing.

I had my DS a few years ago and my Midwife was brilliant.

AIBU to think my DSis should get an epidural if she asked for one and to expect her Midwife to support and help her?

marriedinwhite that is terrible.

I've heard a lot more stories about woman suffering PND/PTSD as a result of NOT having the pain relief they were asking for - I've rarely read a story where a woman suffers PND/PTSD after having an epidural.

Viva - you sound like a fab midwife.

SchmaltzingMatilda, I hope VivaLeB and other mws are the modern face of midwifery. MyDSis is home and doing well. I just think that it's a shame that the mw we had contact with was not in the least bit compassionate or sympathetic. I wonder why women with this attitude even become mws. To train and qualify to become mw is not an easy one. Why did this mw bother to finish the course when it was obvious (to me anyway) that she seem to loathe my labouring, needy DSis who begged for pain relief.

I will never forget the look of disgust and disdain the mw gave my dear sweet sister as she howled in pain. I won't forgive myself for not doing more to help her.

Ah thanks guys.

Sadly you do still get some midwives who don't seem to care much. I know one of my colleagues pulled a student up recently for the fact she was making it clear she was finding supporting a woman a real pita. Hopefully she will either rethink her attitude and improve or leave.

Complain. It's what men do and should be viewed as free market research. Being busy and under resourced (if that was the case) is not an excuse for unkindness.

Hope your sister, with your support, is allowed to appreciate that childbirth and breastfeeding are tiny parts of motherhood and not the parts the bigger children remember - however much the motheR might never forget. Where there is love, love will follow x

SchmaltzingMatilda - I've got a distinct feeling of deja vu reading your post. I suffered PTSD/PND and psychosis after childbirth. Flashbacks, not being able to sleep when I was clearly tired etc all led to a real struggle to BF and believing that my child belonged to someone else.

I was in so much pain throughout the last 2-3 hours of labouring that I have simply blocked most of it out. I was begging for pethidine (was at a MLU, no epidural available there), but only received it about 20 minutes before the baby crowned. As a result I was not interested in the baby at all. He was born, someone took photos, I had a shower, slept for an hour and then went home. I believe that had I been given morphine a lot earlier I would remember a lot more.

Tigerlilygrrrrr

Those figures reflect the huge number of illegal immigrants who sadly do not seek pre natal medical care in the US for fear of being thrown out......
Consequently they may try to deliver at home with no medical help.
They always roll out theses figures but the truth is if you give birth within a medical establishment here you get excellent treatment, no overworked miserable midwives either. I only hear horror stories from friends in the UK.....not one in the US has had a traumatic birth experience, out of maybe 30 mums I know here. 60 per cent of mums I knew in the uk reported very unsatisfying experiences. Something going wrong there for so many to be so unhappy.

Yanbu, things have changed so much over the years re midwife care in hospitals. From having 4dc, i can tell you from my 10yo birth through to my 2yo birth care has gone downhill rather fast!
When i had pfb, midwifes had all the time in the world for me and were quick with anything requested, but fast forward 3 births later, with each child the midwife presence and ability to allow my requests became poorer and poorer. I have been fobbed off re having a epidural twice with dd2, and i asked throughout my labour, the excuses ranged from you are too early, you are too late, the anesthesiologist is busy, there isn't time.... And with dd3, i had real bad trouble giving birth to her and i was exhausted, she was stuck, i asked for a caesarean but was refused and was made to have the ventous and have my legs in stirrups! With dd4 they refused to believe i was in labour and left me waiting alone in a cold room whilst my dh wondered what the hell was going on, i finally got moved to delivery suite only to be told baby was no where near ready, i had her 30 mins later, after dh had to prize my knickers off . Even then i was told not to push, but i did anyway and my dd was born.

Thinking of having my next baby at home as hospital care is so dire and i was left on my own so much atleast that way i will have the midwife with me!

So yes your dsis should have been supported much better and been allowed her request

I know so many people where they've asked and asked and not got one.
I have a medical condition and can have allergic reactions to certain anesthetic groups all the way the the pregnancy various meetings with the consultant, neurologist and anaesthetist it was decided that an epidural would be given as that woulda be one of the only options if I need an emergency c section therefore would be given as a precaution- however this did not happen. Although I repeatly asked the midwives they said I wasn't ready when I eventually persuaded them to check me again they saw that I was fully dilated and told me it was too late! Luckily the anaesthetist said if I could stay still while contracting (although fully dialled I was contracting 4 mins apart) she could get it in, which is did but came very close to not being able to have it at all.