Merlini Would also really like to see a shift in the way pain in labour is discussed as well - instead of saying some women are more able to cope with pain than others, wouldn't it be more helpful to say that some labours are more painful than others?
But it might be less accurate. Pain is notoriously difficult to measure subjectively, but it's true that some people (in labour and at other times) do deal with pain differently from others. Different attitudes can be seen in the fact that there are many women who are absolutely sure they want an epidural before labour has even started - that is about expectations not about immediate experience.
My labour was pretty similar to yours in many respects - I had a back-to-back baby, my waters had broken and were totally gone right at the start. Eventually she was born tangled up in the cord. By the time I got to the hospital in ambulance I was fully dilated - had gone from very little happening to full dilation, into second stage, in well under an hour, spent part of that time on my own in my (scummy, mouse-infested) flat, ringing 999 and trying to persuade operator that I did need an ambulance (didn't have a car).
When I got to birth centre, the MW said to my partner it would be exceptionally painful because all the waters had gone, and because baby was back to back and had to turn round on her way out - and it was exceptionally painful during the contractions - which were long, with not much time between. The pain was extreme and I was screaming my head off and writhing throughout each contraction, it was so bad that the midwife wasn't able to measure the baby's heartbeat at any point because there wasn't enough time between contractions. I had some gas and air but found it made me very disorientated and felt like I was tripping (not in a good way). I felt panicky and in agony.
But then I managed to get into the water tub and I couldn't believe how effective it was as pain relief. I instantly felt like myself again, felt normal and in control, and was able to give birth about 10 mins later kneeling up in the water. I had 3 midwives with me and my partner there too, all sitting round the edge of the tub while I was in it on my own.
What i'm trying to say with all this is that the same physical set-up for labour can be helped or not helped by the environment, by the way other people treat you (my midwives were pretty good), which feeds in to your subjective experience of the pain.
Epidurals are risky for anyone but not even possible in your case - if you'd had water birth available to you, maybe it could have been the turning point in your experience, as it was for me? it's not necessarily that the pain was worse but you didn't have the 'way out' that was available to me. I do think more midwives, more sympathy and more water births would help a lot of women (if not all) to have less traumatic and painful labours.