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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I fucking HATE being a MOTHER! I want to run far, far away.........

53 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 02/05/2013 17:45

Just that.

Wish I could just visit them from time to time, preferably at bedtime and someone else could deal with all this crap day in, day out. Screaming, crying, arguing, fighting, fucking crumbs, unidentified disgusting things and snot Angry everywhere, refusal to anything, door slamming, name calling, stomping, stamping.

Aaaargggghhhhh.

OP posts:
stopgap · 02/05/2013 19:59

How old is your teenager? Would she be capable of looking after the twins? Or if too young/unwilling, would you consider a babysitter?

I only have one child, but consider my graduate student babysitter an essential godsend, in the absence of family nearby/a husband who works long hours. I use her two afternoons, when I do freelance work/go out for a run for half an hour, and also three evenings when my son is asleep, one of which is date night, which I think is fundamental when you have kids.

timetogrowup · 28/05/2013 15:36

Hope the OP comes back. You need a bit of help, hope it's not quite so bleak today.
You could get in touch with family lives.

familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-help-line

R2G · 28/05/2013 16:41

Another organisation is Homestart, they can help with a volunteer to come round and help you/ listening ear when you have an under 5/ feel overwhelmed.

gallifrey · 28/05/2013 16:57

I thought I was the only person that felt like this, I often feel like running away and my 2 girls are quite well behaved!
My eldest dd(9) is normally lovely but is acting like a bloody stroppy teenager and my 2 yr old is the epitome of the terrible twos!
I used to be really active and do stuff with my eldest daughter but I now have health issues (back problems and fibromyalgia) so I just don't have the energy to do anything. I feel guilty about this when I see what other people do with their children.
I'm hoping it will be better when they are older.

Donnadoon · 28/05/2013 17:08

Thanks Just wanted to say that you sound like a brilliant Mum.Give yourself a pat on the back for attempting all that with the four of them in tow...I doubt that many people could cope all of the time.

Donnadoon · 28/05/2013 17:11

Ooops just realized this is an old thread!

lottieandmia · 28/05/2013 17:21

OP, I do admit to feeling like you sometimes although I have 3, not 4 and I'm a lone parent. My oldest dd has SEN and needs a lot of physical help to do everything, which I have always found ok, if time consuming.

However, since dd3 (aged 4) came into our world I have realised how challenging parenting can be! My older two girls are by nature quiet - she by contrast is very very noisy. She stresses out dd1 who can't cope with the noise and has meltdowns, but aside from that she also will not accept when I say no and explain why and will simply ask again, and again and again and again and again and again and follow me around until she brow beats me into submission. I am not used to a child like this. I love her so much and she is a loving, sociable little girl but I get very frustrated with her and then I feel guilty for not understanding her. I find her emotionally draining and am often physically exhausted. I rarely get even an hour to myself in a week. I think this is the problem - do you get any time just for you at all?

Notmymother1 · 03/08/2013 10:01

I completely understand what you're going through - I'm trying to put my own childhood into perspective at the moment too; didn't realise how non-parented I was. I think this is why I struggle so much with being a parent myself. I like the parenting classes advice posted by someone on here.
You are not alone!

Whothefuckfarted · 03/08/2013 10:03

Ghost thread...

needaholidaynow · 03/08/2013 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springytotty · 03/08/2013 10:17

So what if it's a 'ghost' thread??

formicadinosaur · 03/08/2013 10:56

I Am in a similar boat. 4 boys. Eldest almost a teen and youngest a toddler. Hubby works long long hours and no family about. It is really hard!!! I have taken some steps recently as it was getting too much! 1) getting to bed early 2) preparing the night before for the next day. 3) insisting my husband leaves for work later so that I can nip to the gym at 7am while he gets the kids changed and breakfasted ( he would otherwise only see them to kiss goodnight) 4) insisting my DH takes all the children for a few hours at weekends

I know when I feel happier, my kids are much nicer. What can you do to feel better? What do you need for yourself?

I found that once I felt more refreshed, I felt more able to lay down rules for the kids. Lots of time out even for 2 year old. Try warning everyone if they are all being disruptive, then sending them ALL to their rooms if they can't behave. And keep repeating. Bed early if necessary. No pudding. Also lots if treats for good behaviour - ice cream etc. playing games together. Attention.

Can you have a long chat with the teen? Have a heart to heart.

formicadinosaur · 03/08/2013 10:58

It will get easier.

eli01 · 25/08/2018 23:35

I am on the same shit hole! I have 3 kids and the last one was not suppose to happen! I was taking care of myself with birth control (iud), and I still ended up pregnant. By the time I found out it was too late to “take care of my problem” (5 months going on 6) I never show bump or symptoms so I wouldn’t have known.
My partner is always out of town and when he comes home I feel 1000000% more stressed then ever. As if I didn’t have 3 kids giving me shit he comes back and adds to my dam plate. He does not understand I need all the dam time to myself that I can get. Instead he wants me to be part of their events or Walmart trips! God damit I need to die already! I am sooo beyond done I can’t get crap done without forgetting stuff inside my house or hearing kids yelling crying .

Kattyy · 26/08/2018 00:30

Eli, yeah kids can drive you up the walls as well as dh-s. However, thread originates from 2013:))) the original ops kids have probs moved out by now:)

MadMum101 · 26/08/2018 01:03

No all they're all still here, despite the then teen insisting she would be off like a shot on her 18th birthday (now 21)!

As you can see by the username, it left it's scars but we got through it. The screaming has long stopped and peace reigns most of the time except when they are forced off their devices to keep the blood flow to their legs going Grin.

eli it gets easier I promise Flowers.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/08/2018 01:07

The op post is 5year old from 2013

MustShowDH · 26/08/2018 01:16

Great update Mad Mum.
How old are they all now?

SweatyFretty · 26/08/2018 01:34

I love when the OP comes back after all this time! Well bloody done Tiaras/MadMum!

SteviaStephanie · 26/08/2018 03:38

Hoorah this is one case where resurrecting a zombie will hopefully help! Original OP, you sound like a hero and i’m so glad to hear things are much better for you.

AR1234 · 29/04/2020 19:37

You're not alone. I'm on the same fucking boat. Some people have parents, siblings, counsellors, shrinks, etc to comfort them. I don't have my parents anymore and am an only child. I don't like sharing this burden with my friends. They've got problems of their own. My friends can't help me anyway. The only help I need someone to who could share parenting responsibilities. Wine, friends, parties and anti depressants won.t make my children behave any different. Two of my children ADHD and ex his family don't believe in "labels". I get the blame for the kids not doing well at school. My ex and his family don't get involved in helping the kids either. Their dad works and doesn't have the time or interest. His family don't care. I've been told I"m the mother and it's my job to look after my kids. I have ADHD myself and really struggle to cope. I just wish I could disappear. I'm living somebody else's life. This isn't for me. Their dad's only involvement is to give an expensive present every now an then and tell them their mum is a psycho. He's never had them for 3 days in a row. He doesn't have a clue what I go through.

chrissy001 · 29/07/2022 21:01

I seriously hate being a mother feel.like I try and it is never good enough. I don't have much support from family or so called pals. I just want to die. I never had half the stuff I give my kids but it like shopping u try and shop for a week it goes in the fridge and then out the same day. I try and bring in income so we have extra income but it like it goes on crap. Sorry I'm just having and I'm sure other woman on her feel the same it just I feel alone and kids now days think they have us parents under their thumb as they are too protected by the law of the country. I need help or a friend I feel like I'm on the verge of just breaking down and leaving what o have tried to build

Iprefergin · 29/07/2022 21:39

chrissy001 · 29/07/2022 21:01

I seriously hate being a mother feel.like I try and it is never good enough. I don't have much support from family or so called pals. I just want to die. I never had half the stuff I give my kids but it like shopping u try and shop for a week it goes in the fridge and then out the same day. I try and bring in income so we have extra income but it like it goes on crap. Sorry I'm just having and I'm sure other woman on her feel the same it just I feel alone and kids now days think they have us parents under their thumb as they are too protected by the law of the country. I need help or a friend I feel like I'm on the verge of just breaking down and leaving what o have tried to build

I'm so sorry you feel like that :(. It might be better to start your own thread rather than posting on a 9 year old one. You'll hopefully get more replies x

DramaticSunflower · 29/07/2022 22:31

Have you though about going back to work?

chrissy001 · 30/07/2022 15:23

I am back at work but it feels like it not good enough

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