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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're behind a funeral you turn the music off in your car?

199 replies

freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 09:38

On the way to work this morning. Behind a funeral. Loads of people walking behind a hearse.

The bucko in front of me had loud thumps music blaring.

AIBU to think he/she should have turned it off?

OP posts:
Delayingtactic · 02/05/2013 10:37

I make the sign of the cross when I see a funeral procession (and I'm 30!). I am shocked that people actually cut up a funeral procession - I'd be like that woman mentioned above, panicking that I was suddenly in the middle and desperately trying to find a place to pull over.

meddie · 02/05/2013 10:46

I was taught to stop and bow my head when a funeral procession was passing, though i don't see it as often as I did when I was a child. neighbours also closed curtains and stood at their doors also.

I once attended a little 14 month old boys funeral, the procession was long, some idiot decided he was bored waiting and started to overtake, but didnt manage to make it and ended up cutting in between the hearse and the parents car. It was obvious by the wreaths and the small white coffin that it was a baby. The distress he caused to the parents was huge.

scarletforya · 02/05/2013 11:00

YANBU

Anyone who thinks a few minutes/seconds of their music is more important than respect for people in mourning is an oaf and yes, dragged up.

It's just selfish, ignorant and shameful. No manners. Eurgh!

MaxPepsi · 02/05/2013 11:13

Knobs the lot of the them!

DH's gran died last year and we had some fuckwit overtake the procession so he could get out the junction first. What really annoyed us, he saw us go past before he pulled out of his drive so could have easily gone the other way to avoid us. DH wanted to go back and put something through the door later but we forgot!

A dog walker and some work men all stopped as we drove past which I thought was lovely.

Having said that, I nearly interuppted a procession once. I was on a round about - my right of way. I stopped and held up all the traffic to let the hearse and family car out in front of me so they could stay together. I very nearly carried on though as I didn't realise the following cars were family too, thankfully the driver kept on going so I didn't end up being a knob too.

gillywillywoo · 02/05/2013 11:16

YANBU

I've turned music off in our car before when we have been behind a funeral even when the music wasn't even remotely loud... Just think its respectful to have some peace and quiet for a moment.
Didn't really think it was right to be staring at a coffin whilst listening to radio1 Blush

GlassofRose · 02/05/2013 11:23

Whilst it's not an unreasonable request, there are plenty of people who are completely oblivious to things and are so not at all out of lack of respect. We all make the odd blunder.

My old secondary school was near quite a well known East London funeral directors. Everyone I know stopped, bowed their heads and held left collars when funerals went by. But seeing as it was a daily occurrence during 30 minute lunch breaks I cant say everyone always managed it or we'd have all been chief mourners.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/05/2013 11:28

"Held left collars"? Confused Why?

brummiegirl1 · 02/05/2013 11:31

Yanbu how disrespectful. I remember being upset on the way to my dads funeral and this car cut in between the hearse and the funeral car that I was in. I thought they were so thoughtless and disrespectful.

Kewcumber · 02/05/2013 11:38

DS's school is opposite quite a famous crematorium - if we had to wait for every funeral car to go past he'd be late for school regularly. But we are always respectful because some of the mourners will be having one of the saddest days of their lives.

WHen someone very famous was cremated here a few weeks ago I must be honest and say that we waved to crowds and photographer n the walk into school Blush - in our defence no mourners or the hearse had arrived at that point.

shutitweirdo · 02/05/2013 11:39

We was always told to stop. Now whenever I hear anyone has died or see a hearse I always say Safe Journey. Don't know why but it's stuck and that is what I'll teach my children to say. Doesn't take much effort or time and it can make a big difference to someone in that situation.

ItsYonliMe · 02/05/2013 11:42

Mrs Jay - thank you for reminding me of a custom that I'd sadly forgotten.

Wouldn't it be great if we'd all remember to act like this instead of the flipping Farcebook "tributes" that are regularly churned out.

As for Catherine1 - I see you are a teacher. How scarey for the children in your class if you have that kind of attitude.

cozietoesie · 02/05/2013 11:42

It's an old custom, Neo.

Kewcumber · 02/05/2013 11:44

I don't think anybody should be allowed to do anything in rush hour. It inconveniences people who just have to drive their cars to work at that precise time.

ItsYonliMe · 02/05/2013 11:44

Kewcumber - I imagine the only reason you would wave at crowds and photographers when "someone famous" is being cremated is that you want to appear in the Daily Mail.

Katiepoes · 02/05/2013 11:45

Bah people can be twats. My granny's removal was to a church on a busy street in Dublin city center, no real parking so sometimes traffic has to wait while the hearse pulls in. As the funeral directors were taking the coffin out a dick in a van started beeping and yelling to 'get a fucking move on'. What did he think was being carried into the church? Absolute arse, to this day I get angry thinking of him.

gillywillywoo · 02/05/2013 11:46

Just read 1Catherine1's post...Blush
That can't be for real?!

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/05/2013 11:50

Some years ago whilst attending a family funeral I had offered lifts to various family members from the church to the cemetery. We were all belted up and ready to go so I switched the ignition on and blaring out of the radio came 'Alive and Kicking' by Simple Minds. Cue bursts of nervous laughter.

TSSDNCOP · 02/05/2013 11:57

1Catherine1 are you having a laugh? Most crems are so busy they have to make 9-9.30 appointments. Do you propose the deceased should be helicoptered in to avoid inconveniencing you on the school run commuters?

OP YANBU it is my greatest driving dread to pull out and find myself in a cortège.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/05/2013 11:58

I don't often seem to see them passing, but I often seem to walk past them parked outside the local church prior to going in, there is usually a huddle of mourners on the pavement, it feel disrespectful to just walk through but have never really found an alternative (other than to make a significant detour or try and cross the very busy road). I was brought up to stop for them passing too.

As for the booming music in cars, I think that's pretty inconsiderate any time. DH does it occasionally and you can hear it from inside the house when he pulls up on the drive, I think some drivers assume their cars are soundproof and have no idea.

RuckAndRoll · 02/05/2013 12:04

Our church is opposite a school and on a busy road, when we have a funeral the council put up parking suspensions so the hearse and 1 family car can stop directly outside.

At one last year I was outside directing the arriving cars into our car park when a woman parked in the reserved spaces, I went over and said you can't park there, there's a hearse about to arrive, she went off on one about how she would only be 2 minutes as she was collecting her daughter from school early. I told her she could put it in the church car park but that she couldn't park there. She just walked off, hearse arrived, so she was blocked in when she got back with her daughter. She wrote a formal complaint to the bishop about how her daughter had been traumatised by being blocked in by a hearse etc etc.

Unfortuantely we had no sympathy as we did tell her and there were blatantly obvious signs around. Sad things is we now have to have parking wardens or police there for every funeral to ensure they can stop outside the church.

There but for the grace of God go I. It doesn't take much to have a bit of respect.

KoreRenati · 02/05/2013 12:08

When mum died last year and we were in procession, random people stopped and bowed their heads. One woman did the sign of the cross, I'm not Christian but that really touched me. For all the rude inconsiderate people out there, there are some wonderful people too.

Kewcumber · 02/05/2013 12:11

No photos in Daily Mail, waved because pavements were lined and whilst waiting for said hearse the crowds stood and watched us walk into school. Very odd experience having lots of people lined up watching you walk into school in the morning. Waving regally felt appropriate.

Charleymouse · 02/05/2013 12:21

I am shocked at the my time is so important mentality of some people.

Having recently arranged my FIL funeral I was shocked when the funeral director said do not advertise the wake as strangers odd scrounging people will attend just for the free tea and cake. The wake was only announced in the crematorium (obviously close friends/family knew where/when)

At FIL funeral I was torn as a car overtook the hearse, the family funeral car, my car and the car behind me (all obviously part of procession) as we were setting off for the crem. I was overcome with rage and disbelief so pipped my horn. I then felt awful that I had pipped whilst part of a funeral procession. I took comfort from the fact FIL would have been horrified and would also have pipped.

Lady driving a dark blue/black mini at high speed round a funeral procession you should be ashamed of yourself!

Original poster
freddiemisagreatshag · 02/05/2013 12:24

It was an old faded red Corsa. And I wish I'd had the balls to get out and rap the window.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/05/2013 12:26

Have also heard that you need to be careful with funeral arrangements being announced in the local paper as burglars have been known to utilise the info and burgle the home knowing everyone is out. Sad

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