Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My only child's auntie will not be attending his first birthday party.

111 replies

Lurksome · 01/05/2013 13:55

May I have a small rant please?

The only relative on my husband's side of the family that COULD make my son's FIRST bday party is not coming. This is my husband's sister, and only sibling. She has just told me she has decided to go away with her husband in the UK for the long weekend instead. She sends her apologies about the party. They go away about six times a year; no children by choice. We asked them to be God parents when my son was born but nothing is official. Now I am reconsidering that proposition! Fuming mad I am! Angry

OP posts:
Haberdashery · 01/05/2013 14:31

I tell you what, OP, I bet in a few years time (even with experience of your own children) you would bite someone's arm off for the chance to go away with your partner instead of attending a first birthday party! Grin

Kaekae · 01/05/2013 14:31

This really wouldn't bother me. If she doesn't have children then why would she really want to be there tbh. Probably a childless couples worst nightmare.

LifeofPo · 01/05/2013 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/05/2013 15:03

Gah. DD turned 1 in March. I didn't want to do anything for it, except make a cake and have my sister and 2 close friends round (none have children of their own). We would have sung Happy Birthday and played with DD, it would have been v low-key. They all live within half an hour of me.

What I got was a) PIL and b) my v competitive grandmother (with Grandad in tow) announcing that they would of course be visiting because it was DD's first birthday and therefore special. I live near Edinburgh. PIL live in Dorset. Grandparents live in Lancashire. They don't really know each other and Grandma has no interest in talking to other people - just wants to be holding/playing with DD at all times. I begged Mum and my stepfather to come and help me entertain them (they live in Aberdeen). PIL stayed for nearly a week because it is such a long drive from Dorset. The party was v odd - people were being extremely polite and clearly all wishing everyone else would piss off so they could play with DD and not have to share. DH and I were doing our best trying to host a party we hadn't even wanted in the first place!

OP, don't do it!

squoosh · 01/05/2013 15:23

This has made me chuckle Grin

Poor SIL has no clue as to the dark rage that is now festering in your bosom all because she eschewed a really 'fun' first birthday party for a weekend away. Bet it was a really tough choice for her.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/05/2013 15:31

Whats this new AIBU phenomenon? Op asks if they are unreasonable, gets told they are....then accept it Shock

Well done for realising, I hope you have a lovely party Smile

K8Middleton · 01/05/2013 15:36

It's my dc2's first birthday at the end of the year. I'd rather go away for a break with dh Grin

Poor old op.

FasterStronger · 01/05/2013 15:40

I got sent a Save the Date email 3 months in advance of my nephew's first birthday.

it made it very difficult to avoid the Event of the Century....

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/05/2013 15:41

lurksome
You are better parent than me as I didn't even bother with DS2's first birthday.

Treat it as a special day to celebrate your wonderful family (You, DH & DS) and look forward to the lovely things you will do together as your DS grows up.

CinnabarRed · 01/05/2013 15:43

Conversely, I was roundly told off for not inviting someone to DS1's first birthday party.

I hummed and hawwed about inviting our nanny, and eventually decided not to - it was a tiny gathering of family only, at the weekend, and I didn't want her to feel any pressure to give up her precious time off. She told me in floods of tears the following Monday that it was the only birthday party of her charges that she had ever not been invited to.

I felt a heel, especially because I'd been trying to be thoughtful.

L8tlyK8tly · 01/05/2013 15:46

YABCU! it's his first birthday - he neither knows nor cares who is at his party. I'm Shock that you'd even expect them to be there. He may be the 8th wonder of the world to you and your dh but not to anybody else and the sooner you realise that the less people you will alienate by your unreasonable expectations.

StickEmUpPunk · 01/05/2013 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marinagasolina · 01/05/2013 15:48

YABU. It's just a day, I'm sure she'll spend time with your DC at some other point around the birthday. It's a first birthday party, not an 18th (and even then people can't always make it, it happens)

VisualiseAHorse · 01/05/2013 15:52

He won't know.

We recently celebrated our son's 1st birthday. We were both working all day till 5pm, so his 'party' consisted of shoving dinner down him, singing 'happy birthday', eating a slice of cake, opening presents and playing with them. He was in bed and fast asleep by 6.15pm.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 01/05/2013 16:12

God help her if you don't get less precious soon!

ApocalypseThen · 01/05/2013 16:28

I went to my nephew's first birthday party - I am his godmother but was already, so this event wasn't my golden ticket into the role.

It was fine, reasonably enjoyable for all except the neffer, who was like a little briar. He quite resented the interruption to his regularly scheduled press opening and trying to escape out the front door routine. And for someone to whom the concept of thee and thine is foreign, presents don't mark the occasion.

I'd have liked a weekend away too. And my little neffer is my favourite person currently living (not grown in me/me not grown of them excepted). I'll enjoy his parties when he gets the drinks in.

Charltonangel · 01/05/2013 16:32

I went to my godson's first birthday party. Everyone else was there with their babies (they were her NCT friends) and I was the only childless person there. I spent two hours of hell listening to stories about little so-and-so's amazingly advanced dribbling, then went and got pissed had a few glasses of wine.

My point is, I went because it was important to my friend, to help chop up organic sticks etc. my godson will not remember, but she will. If something is important to friends and family, it is nice to treat it so - because they are important to you.

I have a dd now and almost everyone who knows her came to her 1st birthday party. Bloody good party too! OP, I don't think Yabu to be upset but keep it in proportion - have a lovely day.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 01/05/2013 16:36

YABU (very very very)

Fair play OP for admitting you are over reacting. [Smile]

Hope you have a lovely party.

Scaredycat3000 · 01/05/2013 16:54

This has reminded me of the look on BIL face when I told him we wouldn't be going to his very, very PFB first birthday. He looked at me with utter amazement. It was Christmas and we were visiting IL's with our 9 month old, it was 3 hours away not allowing for extra baby time. His jaw was still wide open when I finished explaining that I would like to see my family sometime near Christmas, 2 hours plus baby time, in the opposite direction. So we wouldn't be doing 3 weekends away out of 4. He continued to tell me about the soft play centre they had hired and how my 9 month old would love it. Idiot.

mumblecrumble · 01/05/2013 16:59

What? You wouldn't want to go to your first neice/ nephew's first birthday?

I think that is a real shame and I know my sister would have just done both - baby birthday one weekend, grown up weekend the next surely.

I totally don;t b lame you

thebody · 01/05/2013 17:12

I didn't want to go to my own kids parties!!

Feckin ell op, dont make your ds this precious or you will get laughed at.

He won't care if aunty is at his party either now or any in the future.

Where is he to be christened? West Minster Abbey?? Joking.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/05/2013 17:14

Ha ha! Are you joking? It's not like the baby is going to know.

TheCraicDealer · 01/05/2013 17:26

Alright, you've admitted that YABU, fair enough. But bear in mind for the future that holiday weekends aren't always a great time for "do's". Plenty of people want to use that precious long weekend to go somewhere or do something special and might not be that keen to sacrifice their plans for a child's birthday party.

shewhowines · 01/05/2013 17:30

Glad you realise that yabu and overreacting.

I enjoyed my own childrens party's but I must admit that i've been to plenty that I have "endured" and would jump at the chance of a weekend away instead.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/05/2013 17:34

Is it this weekend (if so same as my DD)? In that case I think it's a bit mean to change her plans at the last minute. But you are right to decide not to worry about it too much. Hope you and DS have a lovely party :)