To stop DP going on lads holiday???

[MummytobeDC2]

DP and I are in our twenties, and I am 13+5 pregnant, due in November. His friends have decided to book a weeks holiday end of August, start of Sept... DP asked if I would mind him going and I said yes as il be 7months gone I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money etc... He got upset etc and made me feel exceptionally guilty. So me being me said he should go for a long weekend and come home before his friends, stay 3nights, that way we are both happy! His mother advised us "he should go as it will be his last" and he keeps repeating that now complaining after agreeing to the long weekend he wants to go for the week!

First of all I will be 7months, I have DS I need help with and the money would benefit the baby, flights and accommodation are costing £300 and spending money, well, at least 2weeks wages! We are far from flush!

AIBUR????

Please tell me I'm not insane?

abstaining from alcohol, that is !

Seriouscakeeater this is all too funny, my little sock puppet piping up when I'm not around how insulting and rude. I do agree, new posters covering old ground is rather boring

Also agree with Molly.

You both need to be on the same page. Having totally different opinions on things like this can cause issues in relationships.

Yes I think that?s unfair if you can afford it as a couple. I would allow my DF to go. Infact I am pregnant and my DF goes away with work in September and FX if all goes well this time I will be 25 weeks. He is also going away with his friends in July and again early November and I will be 30 or 31 weeks then. Its only for a week and lots of friends and family to help me if needed.

But each to their own. What's right for me is not right for others.

So in answer to your question OP, personaly I think YABU.

Having just come back from a girlie holiday myself, I think that as long as you can afford it, he should be able to go.

The problem is if you really can't afford it, it shouldn't impact the family finances to the point where you struggle or can't afford a family holiday. Then a long weekend sounds like an excellent compromise.

I think you need to have a frank, calm discussion with him where you ask him how he is going to pay for it and what help he can set up for you before he leaves for the week (ie arranging for his mum to pop in on certain days or to have your DS for a bit to give you a rest, etc).

In my case, I posted here when my DH wasn't happy about me going on a girls holiday abroad despite the fact we could afford it. I would have resented him massively if he had prevented me from going. However I also made sure that my absence wouldn't cause him an issue by arranging for my childminder to do school drop offs and I left dinners in the freezer for them, for example. He has earned himself massive brownie points for not kicking up a fuss and "letting" me go away and have a few days break in the sun. I had a fab time and came back an awful lot happier for my time away. He even said it wasn't that bad and it was good for him to have time with the children.

If you can't afford it, then you need to explain that to him and let him come up with a solution.

Littlepeapod - don't you understand I think 1500 for us as a couple is too much to waste on a boozy boys holiday.... YABU

It's not a problem to go away any other time as of you read my previous comments he went away 3tomes last year alone so the fact is the money and the timing.

Molly - totally agree. OP Decisions like these can have a huge impact on a relationship and can be hard if not impossible to get over. Obviously having a child with someone makes it less easy to walk away thus having to swallow a very bitter pill. Also you do not want this to be the start of an ongoing piss take by your DP leading in you forever taking the hit when it comes to decisions like this.
Fuck the martyrs on here who think that being pregnant means you should be wonderwoman and do everything alone. The idea of being in a loving relationship is that you shouldn't have to. It's a partnership, your a team and although as women we are expected to cope immensely well it doesn't mean that our bodies aren't under a huge amount of stress.

tss your right I agree that OP dp does need to sort priority a out.

molly so really even though you didn't want him to go, he still went and its some thing that still pisses you off. Why would you be in a relationship where some one walks all over you? It's just not me. Me and dh have family holidays and breaks away with our same sex friends. We both appreciate how hard each of us work and don't begrudge each other nothing. However if we was in op position asked him not to go on this occasion as it was bad timing, there really wouldn't be an issue.

That's the crux of this thread. Op dp has been on a few holidays recently its not about that at all.

Last post on this now for me as I think it's been flogged to death, enjoy the sunshine ladies!!

YANBU.

DH went away when I was around 35 weeks PG. I hated it, we didn't really have the money "spare", I had SPD and I found it hard going. I did feel a lot of resentment too if I'm honest I was at home, hormonal and suffering while DH was with his mates having a blast of a time boozing and having a great time acting 18 again

To make it worse, on day 2, a joy rider crashed a stolen car into our house causing huge damage. I had to deal with the whole thing, police statements etc. Totally unforeseeable I agree, but still really could have done with DH being around!

DH looks back now and even states "I can't believe I went away at that point"

chewmebush (love the name lol) good post. I totally agree.

OP have you spoke to DP about the holiday since your Op on Wednesday?

As this is about the money and the timing combined you are NOT being unreasonable.

If you had the money to spare and it was JUST about not wanting him to go away when you're pregnant I'd say that's a bit unreasonable (but LOTS of women would say they don't want their partner swanning off when they are 7 months pregnant... It's really down to the individual, how the pregnancy is going, how you feel, if you trust your partner, where they are going, if you trust his friends...)

The fact you guys obviously can't really afford it AND you're 7 months pregnant means you're not being unreasonable at all. He should realise this as well... Or doesn't he have any concept of your finances?! My DH knows exactly what we can/can't afford.

mummy I don't mind I've been called much worse! Sock puppet is quite tame

He doesn't walk all over me. He would be perfectly happy for me to go on holidays (but then again, I don't go boozing and to strip clubs etc - so if I did, then maybe he wouldn't be so happy.) He would be happy for me to take time away and go on holidays, but I am very sensible and would really think out/tease out all of the issues that might arise if I was to head off.

In general I am good with money whereas when we met he would not have had much savings. He now follows my lead and we have combined savings. But his attitude wrt money is still somewhat different to mine, he is more of a spender and would be happy for me to be a spender too. But that's not me, I'm not frivolous with money, I'm naturally very careful with it, so would really think about the price of a holiday and whether it would give me much joy, whether it would be worth it or not. (I'm a barrel of laughs aren't I? (-;).

I never told my dh not to go on holidays, so it's not like he went against my wishes. The problems arise when each person's priorities separate down two different paths. It has become more apparent to me over time that my dh is a lot more childish than me.

I don't coach him, or point him in the right direction of what I think is the 'right' thing to do, but it is becoming clearer to me that we have different views as to what is the fairest and nicest way to behave. If one person is pregnant and all focused on their body and the baby and the home, it is unattractive when the other person is all gooneyish with the lads.

I did read previous posts and mentioned the money side of it to!!! and I did say good luck!!! You should show him this post

MummytobeDC2 - sorry I didn't read all the comments didn't see the 1,500 bit, skimmed through as at work. Only responded to original post. In that case if you can't afford it as a couple then his very immature for a man just about to have a child. If your reasons for not wanting him to go are purely relating to the fact as a family you can't afford it then YANBU but if they are for any other reason then YABU.

Hope you can resolve it to everyone's satisfaction.. And congratulations on the second baby

So what's the latest then OP? Have you had the chance to talk to your DP again?

Gilly totally agree it's not just about money timing is a huge factor.

And his mum saying "Aww let him go It will be his last time"

Bet this wont be the last time they gang up against you OP.

There will be other times they do this.

YANBU - I would rather spend the money on a holiday that benefits the whole family.

LaQueen -

Was your post for this thread as if you have not read it all I think you should!!

Discussion over I can't be bothered with this now, very unusual people thinking I'm some what controlling my DP. Not the case.

Hiw do I delete this thread actually, people are getting quite boring and I think my question has been answered after 200+ comments

LaQueen - fucking blue Peter badge for you.