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Original poster

To be fed up with the notion 'one of each' kids is always the preference?

110 replies

Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 10:41

A good friend of mine is pregnant & has just announced (in true FB fashion with photos and guessing games) that her 2nd baby will be a boy (she currently has a DD). I'm so happy that they are going to be parents again. I'm just stunned at the number of comments that followed... 'one of each, how perfect!' 'a blue and pink, it doesnt get better than that' and all the parents with a DD & a DS sound so very smug!

I myself have 2 DD's. I don't believe I would have felt any different if I'd had a boy. DH is incredibly sporty etc but has never felt like he is missing out not having the little boy to take to the football or whatever. It's just the way it is!

I loved growing up with brothers (the lack of male influence is my only concern with my girls growing up but they are close to their male cousins) but I also love having sisters (who I am closer to).

Everyone has their opinions and some siblings are closer to each other regardless of sex, so why do people feel the need to go on about 'the perfect scenario'?

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 01/05/2013 13:16

People say daft stuff just for something to say. It's stupid and sometimes thoughtless, but they do.

Just ignore.

gabsid · 01/05/2013 13:25

Hm, I do say that but just to say something nice, really. There are nice things to say about any other combination or age gap as well.

Maybe I have to be more careful what I say, but it could always be the wrong thing whatever you say?

CockyFox · 01/05/2013 13:27

I have one of each and I will freely admit that is what I wanted. So when people asked me if I was hoping for a girl when I was pregnant with DD then yes I said I was.
Sometimes people really do have preferences. I wouldn't have been devastated if DD had turned out to be DS2 and would have loved a second son just as much (i have fertility issues and so was very glad to be pregnant) the family I dreamed of having was a Son and then a
younger daughter.
This doesn't mean I expect everyone to feel the same way and don't tend to discuss is it a boy or a girl with pregnant friends anyway.

TroublesomeEx · 01/05/2013 13:28

I have one of each and I'm really pleased.

I don't think I'm clever or smug for it, but it is perfect for me.

Justaoneoff · 01/05/2013 13:32

I imagine that people are saying something positive about the outcome that has been announced. It would be slightly harsh to say 'oh, bad luck!' - even if they are thinking it!

I would probably say - 'oh how nice to have one of each', even though in reality I was rather disappointed to have had one of each myself.

SneezySnatcher · 01/05/2013 13:38

I have just had a DS and already have a DD. the amount of people who have told me not to have any more because I have one of each is shocking.

An acquaintance whose son had just had a DS after having a DD was banging on about how pleased she was that they could stop trying for a boy now as they had one of each. This was to a friend whose DS had just been stillborn at term Sad

LousThighBurn · 01/05/2013 13:40

The only reason I can imagine wanting one of each is so that you can use your favourite name for each DC. I like the idea of having two of the same so that you can use the clothing etc again, it cuts the costs of having children if everything is in good condition still.

chickchickchickenkeeper · 01/05/2013 13:43

I'd like all boys (right now I think 3.. but ask me after my first preg Grin) but if i had girls or a mix, it doesn't change anything :)

bbface · 01/05/2013 13:45

Pretty sure that they are just making conversation. No one outside family really give a damn what sex you have.

I have just had dd. DS is 2.7. I feel like I can't scream from the treetops how over the moon I am to have one of each for fear of upsetting someone.

Squitten · 01/05/2013 13:47

We have two boys and are currently pregnant with DC3. I'm awash with the "fingers crossed for a girl", "you must want a girl now", etc, etc.

Yeah, a girl would be a novelty I suppose but we really don't mind and I'm convinced it's a boy anyway. I'm just hoping that if it is a boy, I don't get any disappointed remarks like my mother made when we found out about DS2...

K8Middleton · 01/05/2013 13:50

I get this from people who are parents just to boys or just to girls. I actually get congratulated. It is weird. I didn't do anything.

With bores repeat offenders I like to explain, at length, that I had very little to do with it. It's amazing how quickly people shut up when you start using words like "sperm".

DeWe · 01/05/2013 13:51

In all honesty those are comments that people will trot out as differences to just saying "congratulations". Just as if people have the same you get "oh they'll play together nicely" or "two girls to go shopping"/"boys to play football with daddy"... comments from the same people.

Summerblaze · 01/05/2013 14:01

I wanted 2 girls as a preference (same as me and my sister), then one of each, then 2 boys. I actually had my one each and then decided to have another and have had another boy so don't have the family I pictured at all. But guess what, I don't care. Wouldn't change it for the world.

Think it is just something to say though. They probably couldn't care less really.

TroublesomeEx · 01/05/2013 14:09

Think it is just something to say though. They probably couldn't care less really.

Yup!

jellybeans · 01/05/2013 14:11

I had 2 DDs first and got many comments about my DH must be desperate for a DS and even got told from a friend that my DH must have weak sperm! A friend's husband also told me and my DH he was glad his newborn was a son as DDs were 'just not the same' (Our DD was a few weeks old at this time!). We found out we were going to have a DD3 but sadly there were many problems. Even then MIL said 'poor DH' and pulled a face. Never mind that DD3 was critically ill!! Gender was irrelevant at that stage!

My friends actually all had boys and were so negative about them that I started worrying about DSs when i was expecting my twins. As it happened it was twin DSs and they were every bit as fab as my DDs. Cue the comments about '2 DDs and 2 DSs how perfect'! 'Finally DH got his son/s' .That was hard as DD3 was stillborn less than a year before and I felt quite weird when they kept on about it because whatever we had would have been perfect. I now have 3 DSs and with the last one was so great that no-one cared either way since we already had both. We had lost another baby late in pregnancy so just wanted a live baby, the sex of the baby was not important at all.

YANBU

VerySmallSqueak · 01/05/2013 14:13

I have two girls which is just what I wanted.

If I had gone on to have a third child I would have been delighted to have another girl.

boschy · 01/05/2013 14:19

jelly sorry for your loss.

We have 2 girls, which is what we both always imagined and wanted - wouldnt have mattered if they were boys of course. DH and I are both from 'pigeon pairs'.

Original poster
Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 14:25

I'm the only one of my siblings that doesn't have both sexes, but it's only one SIL that made me feel I was missing out on something. The others are great and like me just felt blessed to have kids.

OP posts:
googlyeyes · 01/05/2013 14:29

I think it's a bit silly to get upset by things like this tbh. They really are just things people say, and very rarely is malice intended.

We have DD and 2 Dss and I could equally get worked up about the comments I hear from family about Dsis (who has 2 boys) and DBil (2 girls) re how they have perfect pairs who will be 'best friends for life' etc (quite often bollocks anyway...my sister and I hate each other and I'm very close to my brother). Smuggery exudes from both Dsis and DBil more than I've ever seen from parents of a 'mixed pair'

Personality and temperament are so, so much more relevant than gender. And that applies just as much to the parents! Some are just knobs whatever

PrincessScrumpy · 01/05/2013 14:56

I'm very sensitive about it as I have 3dds dd2 and 3 are id twins - one of whom nearly died at birth. All 3 healthy now but when people try to give me sympathy fire not having a boy my fury begins to emerge. I am truly blessed to have any children. I'm always polite but firm in my replies :)

chanie44 · 01/05/2013 15:32

I always said I wanted 2, we have two, one of each. Even if we had two of the same, is still feel my family is complete.

A lady at playgroup has two boys and I asked her if she was going to have anymore, she said only if she could have a girl.

I've always thought you get what you are given, so I don't know why people have such an opinion on it.

Emilythornesbff · 01/05/2013 16:59

I had no preference of gender. When I had my dd after ds lots of ppl remarked that it was nice to have "one of each". I think it's just something nice to say. Equally, two girls or two boys could be lovely (or 3, 4 , ....) so ppl comment.
What isn't nice is saying negative things, suggesting disappointment at not getting "one of each". Some comments are just Shock

Original poster
Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 17:06

I think that's my feeling too. Why do some people have such an opinion on it? Why do people assume you desire the other sex? Everybody knows how a baby is created so knows there is nothing you can do about it's sex. You get what you're given.

You can't assume a girl will like to wear pretty dresses or a boy be into football. Would your life really be better and more fulfilled if you had one of each? I'm sure some people don't think before they speak but IMO some people do come across quite up themselves that they have the 'perfect' combination.

OP posts:
ohnosnow · 01/05/2013 17:33

I have 2 ds. I am the only one of my friends who have 2 of the same sex. I would love a 3rd child. But we have decided against it due to money and space etc. If I could choose I would have another boy. But it isn't going to happen :(

People always assume I would like a girl and ask am I going for 3rd time lucky!!! Really annoys me, I was lucky the last 2 times thank you very much!

CruCru · 01/05/2013 17:48

This drives me crackers. Shortly after having DS, someone told me that I must be desperate for a girl. I was quite cross at the time.

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