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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with the notion 'one of each' kids is always the preference?

110 replies

Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 10:41

A good friend of mine is pregnant & has just announced (in true FB fashion with photos and guessing games) that her 2nd baby will be a boy (she currently has a DD). I'm so happy that they are going to be parents again. I'm just stunned at the number of comments that followed... 'one of each, how perfect!' 'a blue and pink, it doesnt get better than that' and all the parents with a DD & a DS sound so very smug!

I myself have 2 DD's. I don't believe I would have felt any different if I'd had a boy. DH is incredibly sporty etc but has never felt like he is missing out not having the little boy to take to the football or whatever. It's just the way it is!

I loved growing up with brothers (the lack of male influence is my only concern with my girls growing up but they are close to their male cousins) but I also love having sisters (who I am closer to).

Everyone has their opinions and some siblings are closer to each other regardless of sex, so why do people feel the need to go on about 'the perfect scenario'?

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 01/05/2013 12:06

It's the kind of announcement that expects a comment, what are people supposed to say?
If it were two of the same the comments would be about how nice it would be for the older one the have a little brother/sister to play with wouldn't it?

aldiwhore · 01/05/2013 12:10

I have two boys.

People say "did you want two the same?"

My response is always "I don't have two the same!"

"But didn't you want one of each? A pink and a blue?"

No. I am happy with what I got. I wouldn't have it any other way. My boys aren't 'blue' they are wonderful rainbows. As different to each other as a boy is to a girl. Only their gender is the same.

elfycat · 01/05/2013 12:16

I didn't mind either way what my first was (DD1) but when I got pregnant a second time I got all the 'hoping for a boy?' question. No, not really. I wouldn't have minded if DD2 had been a boy, but DH and I thought that 2 the same would be nicer.

And it is, for us.

Nodney · 01/05/2013 12:17

I'm pregnant with DS3, and have no girls at all. This pregnancy is my last as my boys are all the result of ivf and I have no more frozen embryos left. I get "were you trying for a girl?" and "are you disappointed you're not having a girl?" type comments all the time. Sometimes I tell them that I'm just so grateful my ivf has been successful I don't care! Because I don't!

emalushka · 01/05/2013 12:18

Yanbu.

Really annoys me. Especially when people say comments like, 'oh... A boy at last!' I find it very insensitive when said in front of my daughters. It's almost like they weren't good enough, so we had to keep trying. Not the case at all.

My mil is the worst offender of saying inappropriate comments like this!

seeker · 01/05/2013 12:21

"Add message | Report | Message poster HeathRobinson Wed 01-May-13 10:47:22
"My mother used to bang on about one of each being a 'gentleman's family'. Words failed me!"

Presumably only if the boy comes first!

Mandy21 · 01/05/2013 12:24

I had twins - boy and a girl. You would not believe the amount of comments I had about couldn't have planned it better / you lucky girl / how blessed I was.

In actual fact, it was my least favoured option of the three options - I wanted 2 girls, then 2 boys, then one of each. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't disappointed, I was over the moon with 2 babies, and I wouldn't change it for the world now, but having been 1 of a set of twin girls myself, I thought it would be lovely to have 2 the same.

Fast forward 3 years and I announced I was pregnant. I lost count of the number of people who asked me "why? you already have one of each?" Confused

PiggyPlumPie · 01/05/2013 12:24

YANBU at all!! My first was a girl and so many people told me I wanted a boy next that I went completely the other way and decided that I would prefer two girls.

Of course he was a boy so I was inundated with folk telling me that I would not be having any more as I had one of each. DD2 came along four years later and I still get people (ILs) telling me that I am not having anymore.

I'm not but I'm damned if I am going to tell them that!

Hazelbrowneyes · 01/05/2013 12:29

DH cousin had 3 girls, gave birth to a 4th. MIL gets the phone call from her excited SIL to tell her "It's a girl!" She replies with "Oh no! They must be gutted!"

That still leaves me speechless now.

Jossysgiants · 01/05/2013 12:30

Yanbu. This does my head in. I am probably taking an extreme view here but this type of comment makes me very very uncomfortable as it seems like commoditising children. I have 2 dds and many many people have asked me if I would like another so I can have a boy. Er no. So Dh will not have his son and heir. Grin

FoundAChopinLizt · 01/05/2013 12:31

YANBU

The way people carry on you'd think you were collecting stamps.

'Ooh, dark (hair) girl, dark boy, blonde girl, blond boy....'

Stop.Categorising. Everything.

WidowWadman · 01/05/2013 12:31

Why do people even care about the sex? We didn't find out pre birth with either daughter, as we simply didn't care. I was even asked whether I would be trying for a third, if the second turned out to be another girl. Err, no, why would I?
We don't raise our daughters any differently to how we would raise sons either. Genderstereotypes are a major bugbear of mine.

Startail · 01/05/2013 12:31

DH and I both wanted girls, since we hate football.

Yes, I have two girls and you've guessed DD2 does ballet, football and contact rugby. So I get sodding ballet shoe elastic to sew on and muddy sports kit to wash Grin

WidowWadman · 01/05/2013 12:34

edwardsmum - in what way is the mother of a girl different to the mother of a boy? Confused

Original poster
Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 12:40

I appreciate that the announcement leads to a standard 'one of each' comment, but it's the smugness by which parents who have one of each put across. Like it really is the BEST combination to have. How clever they are!

If I'm honest, I guess it brought back memories for me that when I was in labour even the midwife asked if I knew what I was having (we didn't) and said 'it would be nice if it was a little boy'. Even in pain, I was a bit Shock

Then my SIL had a boy after me and dropped some pretty insensitive comments about me trying again to get a boy and how lucky she was! I was still on a high having had another healthy baby and couldn't believe it!

My DD's are close in age, play together, share everything and look out for each other in school. But I don't bang on about that!

OP posts:
chickabilla · 01/05/2013 12:41

Yanbu. I want to growl at people who congratulate me for managing to have a girl after 2 boys. Yes, it is lovely to have a girl. It would have been lovely to have a boy. Yes, I am stopping now but it has nothing to do with having 'got my girl'! Grrr.

Original poster
Bellini12 · 01/05/2013 12:42

Btw, I didn't mean all parents of mixed sex's feel like this, just some of the smug FB comments!

OP posts:
MummytoMog · 01/05/2013 12:44

What is the 'not allowed to have any more kids if you have one of each thing' as well? Was talking to my SiL about kids, and she said in a shocked voice 'you're not going to have ANOTHER baby are you?'. Erm, I might. I only have two (admittedly born within eighteen months of each other) and I might like another.

wordfactory · 01/05/2013 12:46

Mandy that's interesting.

I wanted one of each (and get em), then two girls then least of all two boys. I felt like I'd be outnumbered with the later.

teenagetantrums · 01/05/2013 12:47

when I was preg with my DD I really wanted another boy, had all the boy stuff and was used to a boy, was happy when she turned out to be a girl, but if she had been I boy I would not have had another one just to try for a girl, I wanted a 3rd child but money/age prevented it would never have done it just to get a certain sex...im sure I saw a tv program about this a few years ago..

Ledkr · 01/05/2013 12:49

I had 3 boys. By the third people were practically commiserating with me.
When I had my dd 12 yrs later I was like national friggin hero.
My boys are ace!

aldiwhore · 01/05/2013 12:50

wordfactory I LIKE being outnumbered. Oddly I feel like it makes my female 'demands' more valid Wink

I think we all have preferences, and there's no right or wrong to that. There's no uniform 'ideal'.

I do find the notion that one of each is somehow better is very odd, and I always feel a little sad when someone feels gutted if they get what isn't their preference...

wordfactory · 01/05/2013 13:05

I think once I had a boy, I would have been cool with having another. But at the time the thought of going from zero to two boys overnight gave me The Fear Grin.

VisualiseAHorse · 01/05/2013 13:09

People used to ask my mum if she was going to 'stop trying' when she was pregnant with her first son (she already had 4 daughters!) - like ti was assumed that she would just keep getting pregnant until she had a boy.

I've got one boy at the moment - would love to have another boy, but would be equally happy with a girl too!

MiaowTheCat · 01/05/2013 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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