Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fuming

105 replies

bordellosboheme · 01/05/2013 08:43

Dp and i live together and share childcare of our ds 17 months equally. We both have part time but quite high pressure jobs in education. When I'm working he's at home and vice versa. At play group yesterday, dp met a local childminder and was impressed that he thought she was nice and only charges 4ph. He has suddenly got all enthusiastic about leaving ds with her in some capacity so that he can go off and do his hobbies (extreme sports like kite surfing, paragliding) etc. on his days off. Am ibu to be fuming at this thought..... It is sickening and gut wrenching to leave ds to go to work (for me), and the thought of another woman getting paid to do what I am crying out to do (look after my son) because dp wants to be a man child and go off and do hobbies makes me livid...... I agree we all need time out, but surely that's what evenings and weekends are for.....

OP posts:
Mnetter111 · 02/05/2013 22:21

hahahaha, that's the sort of thing i do when i have to have a serious chat. keep at it though, you know what you want to achieve.

SunMoonStarship · 03/05/2013 02:35

Yanbu. If he doesn't want to be with ds and you do, then he can go to work and you look after ds. Everyone's a winner. I'd be upset too if my dh was thinking this.

^ this

YADNBU

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/05/2013 03:23

YANBU I can totally see where you're coming from. By him insisting on splitting it all half & half you are compromising on what is right for you (being with your child), but it's reasonable as its logical & shared parental input etc... But by him wanting to farm out your dc to a childminder changes the whole arrangement

He probably hasn't thought about it this way, but - hes basically saying that his need for more (more!) free time out weighs your need to be with your child, which is just wrong, both or nothing surely?

You are desperate to be with Ds, and he would rather give it away to a stranger than respecting your feelings and really strong primal need to be with your young.

You're not being over anxious etc btw! I had terrible torn feelings when I had to go back to work and had to leave my Ds half in nursery (nr my office that I wasn't actually keen on but was affordable), half with h. H hated it and whined the whole time (but didn't make any effort to get a job instead, lovely), and I felt like I was giving away an incredibly precious time in order to let others who didn't want to have the chance I desperately wanted! Compromised everything that shouldnt be compromised! Ds care and stability, my well being in so many ways - me & dc were both really torn and upset all the time...

Hated it & I lasted 6 mths before everything collapsed in on itself. Now I have no h (obv not something im suggesting for you!), and work part time & only some of that in the office, and have an amazing nanny who is great with him. I get more time with Ds, he gets better care when I'm not there, and for alot of the time when I'm working at home im around and have little moments with him through the day.... Soooo much better!

MidniteScribbler · 03/05/2013 04:57

I don't think it WBU to put your DS in care for a couple of days a week, one day for each of you to have to yourselves. He's certainly old enough, and would probably love it. If you're both only work part time, that presumably would still give each of you a couple of days week with your DS for the whole day, plus your weekends together.

Goldmandra · 03/05/2013 10:02

I don't think it WBU to put your DS in care for a couple of days a week, one day for each of you to have to yourselves.

The whole point of the thread is that the OP doesn't want time to herself. She wants to enjoy her time with her son.

She enjoys being with him and is therefore the best possible person to be caring for him. He'd enjoy and benefit from being with a loving, enthusiastic mummy far more than any childcare (I speak as a childminder).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread