I have posted about this once before several months ago but am waffling?..I will try to be as brief as possible:
My in-laws sold their house about 3 years ago (Canada). They spend about 6 months of the year snow-birding in the US where they own a trailer in a seniors community. The other 6 months they have been splitting their time with various family here in my city and in another province. They cannot stay in the US more than 6 months.
They never used to stay with us but last August they wanted to use our basement for 2 weeks. It morphed into 3 months due to medical appointments (my MIL has MS and my FIL had a minor surgery). They liked our basement and asked if when they come to our city in the future if they can stay with us again. I gather the step-sisters would move the in-laws between their houses if they had other guests which in-laws did not like. The conversation was in passing ? it would hardly count as a conversation?nothing formal. I said it was fine, expecting them to only be around 2-3 weeks here and there.
We asked them to pay us $300 a month last Sept and Oct as they were costing us a fortune in food, water and electric ? they indicated nobody else makes them pay to stay with them and seemed to think $300 steep but agreed.
They started to refer to themselves as ?living? with us and it became clear they intended to be around for much longer than I anticipated. The basement is not self-contained. They use our kitchen and come up to visit. For my taste there is a lack of space and privacy. I found their visit Aug-Oct much too long. I was unhappy and very pregnant. They were crawling all over my very last nerve and it was clear to everyone.
DH and I bickered about their presence. I believe I was very diplomatic about it but my feelings were quite clear. He simply did not see my point of view. If it were up to him they would live with us forever as one big happy family. He spoke to them but basically made it worse ? told them I was hormonal and stressed?.to wait and see how it goes on their next ?visit??that I might enjoy their help while on maternity leave with a toddler and new baby.
While they were gone DH and I spoke about this openly with each other and with DH?s sister who was entirely on my side. I thought he finally could see my point of view and that everything was settled ? that he would speak to them about their long-term living arrangements when they returned.
Now they are back. They have been here almost 2 weeks. This year they intend to stay with us for a total of about 4 months ? half of April, all of May, then Aug-mid October. They are trying to stay in the basement (and avoid me) a bit more. I am trying to be more pleasant and sociable, though I?m afraid I am forever to be thought of as their uptight DIL. I am home on maternity leave so we are around one another a good deal. It?s going fine but my feelings remain the same.
They have changed their driver?s licenses and insurance to our house. They have bought a mini fridge for the basement ? today they advised they want to chip in with us for a new guest room mattress (as if !!). I?ve had yet another argument with DH about it ? he says he spoke to them and they are going to try to maintain this snow-birding thing for another few years and will try to stay at ours for only 2.5-3ish months a year. I gather they were very vague. I told DH he needs to pin them down on the specifics and that I personally think anything over a month is not reasonable ? 2 at the absolute maximum. I told him I need a more specific plan from them. DH thinks this is all fine ? no problem. I am the unreasonable one ? these are his parents after all.
I find them utterly cheeky. If they really ?live? with us then they should offer a substantial financial contribution (it costs us 2000+bills+food to live in this house every month). They should be buying groceries and splitting housework, cooking and maintenance when they are here. As I see it, they don?t want the financial or maintenance responsibility of a house/rental and are just using us to get around paying what the majority of all adults pay ? living expenses. I totally resent it. I don?t think I should have to tell two grown adults that they are overstaying their welcome FFS.
What is too long I guess is the question?? Am I over-reacting here ? would all of you welcome family to stay for months at a time with no end in sight? One month? Two? How about Three months? Where should I draw the line?
Before I put my foot down?please let me know ? AIBU?