Probably. ILs are being a massive PITA about car they're giving us.

[AudreyParker]

I KNOW I'm being a brat. I love my ILs but they FUSS and faff about things.

FIL has decided not to renew his driving licence so they have very generously given us their car as a second runaround, the car is worth about £300 and they wou;dn't take any money for it, we are very grateful.

But we haven't had a chance to go and pick it up yet and it's now been on their drive for a week. FIL is going out daily and driving it up and down the drive to keep it ticking over .

MIL has been on the phone every night this week asking us when we can come and get it. We both work full time, and every evening this week has been busy (cubs, gymnastics, riding, music lessons, we have three DC). We have been out all weekend as it was DD's birthday.

They wanted us to go round to sign the logbook because they thought (and took a lot of convincing otherwise) that they needed to send that off and we needed to wait for it to come back before we drove away.

They are now panicking that we need to come and get it because they aren't insured on it anymore so they are on about SORNing it. They will not listen to me telling them that I can phone first thing and insure it and that it doesn't need SORNing as it still has tax and has been off the road for less than two weeks.

FIL keeps telling DH that he must make sure to run it every day otherwise the brakes will seize up. TBH he will probably only drive it twice a month, we've managed this long with one car.

They also keep saying that DH can drive to work so SIL can have her car during the day. BIL picks DH up as he passes (they work together), if DH picked BIL up he'd have to leave the house at 7am and go in the wrong direction. They offered SIL the car but she said she coudlnt' afford to run/insure it so declined.

I am really starting to wish we;d said thanks but no thanks.

DH has just gone over there to sign the logbook, it's the end of a very long weekend and I was looking forward to snuggling down and watching a film. they wanted us both to go over to theirs and get the car now but DS2 is in bed.

This is going to be a nightmare, isn't it? FIL has treasured that car for the last 18 years, they are going to be on our case about it forever.

AIBU?

OP your description of FIL 'keeping it ticking over' rings bells - did you post on the 'things that PILs do to drive you nutty' thread? Who'd've thought you'd end up with the precious car? :) it sounded like a liability even then and they hadn't 'gifted' it to you at that point.

I would say if you don't have a whole evening free, tomorrow night, you drop DH over with the DCs in the car, but you don't go in, you go straight home/to the next club, he can chat to his mum for a bit. Or you could just drop him at the end of their road so you do'nt get sucked into popping in.

agree with don't mind if i do - you don't need to go in

i don't think yabu but i can see it from their point too

although he chose to give up his licence it is a big thing to do and the car on the drive is only a reminder. are you sure he isn't driving it a bit every day because he is finding it a bit difficult to deal with?

i think the kind thing to do would be to go and get it. they don't sound like bad IL's in the grad scheme of things!

As my parents have aged I have noticed how structured things have to be for them, they can't cope with spontaneity or being casual about arrangements.

I have vowed I will do do this but I fear it's wired into old age.

Mean 'not do this' senility is here already.

I don't think you are being unreasonable either.

My grandmother frets like this and keeps on and on and on, and it is exhausting to cope with

She's quite elderly now, with limited mobility and is registered blind, so her once busy life is over and she has become very inward looking and focuses entirely on herself and her needs, and to be honest has very little else to do

Her current obsession is some old baking trays she's cleared out of her cupboards and is saving for me. I don't need them, have a million baking trays of my own already, but it pleases her to give me these things so I agrees to have them. She's now fretting about when I can pick them up. I live 300 miles away, and I really do not have the time to make a 600 mile round trip until the May half term to collect some baking trays. If she's not on the phone to me, she's on the phone to my mum hassling her about when she's next coming down here and could she drop off these blessed trays

There's always something, if it wasn't these oven trays it would be something else, just before Christmas it was bags of dried fruit (her friend had given her some, did I want it), then knitting needles (she'd found loads in a cupboard, did I want them)

I really try not to be ungrateful, I appreciate she thinks of me, but it's exhausting

Is it too late to say you've changed your minds?

I hate to be the voice of doom but this car is starting as it means to go on. It will be the bane of your life!

It is generous of them and, as someone who drives a 12yo banger and will never be able to replace it, the idea of a free car is a dream. But seriously this car is not free, you will pay far more than money!

It will happen to all of us I know but unfortunately they have got to the stage of life where they have nothing else to do with their time. They are at the age of faffing.

Their days are filled with, what's for the next meal, when to put the bins out, odd jobs, and looking after the car.

Your tasks expand to fit the time you have to do them, and it happens without you realising so they have no concept of the fact that you don't have time to drop everything and go for the car right now. Giving the car to you is the most important thing in their schedule right now, it genuinely wouldn't occur to them that it isn't the most important thing in yours.

Do whatever juggling you need to do to pick it up ASAP. The fretting will only increase.

(I have much experience of parents like this )

Oh don'tmindifido that's a good idea.

My dear FIL went out and started his car up every day when they were here for a week over christmas, we did laugh because it's only a year old so hardly an old banger!

This is a textbook way to knacker an engine, as the oil/engine don't get to temperature and isn't properly lubricated. As well as the long term damage he'll go through exhausts like billy-o as condensation will cause them to corrode.

If someone offered me a car that had done 70k motorway miles or one that had done 25k miles in the hands of someone who'd driven it everyday a few miles to the shops, I'd take the former, every single time.

Good point.

I've no idea how valid the comparison is, but I got told that basically you are furring up the pipes with deposits, rather like clogging up your arteries. At any rate I know my gran managed to kill her car like this.

OP what did you think of Hula's suggestion for bil to drop your dh off after work do he can collect the car ?

Yep those sort of frequent short journeys can lead to a build up of carbon on the spark plugs and the exhaust.

Easiest way to clear it is to do an 'Italian tune up' - thrash it down the motorway in 4th. It is also quite a good technique for getting cars to pass emissions tests on MOTs.

Good to know. Turns out my mum's habit of driving everywhere in second may have had its advantages.

Do you really need the car ? could you not sy in hindsight it would be best to scrap it ?

My Dad insisted on giving his old car to DS before he was 17. I told him not to, DS tried to put it off but Dad still insisted and made a great deal of fuss about it. DS didnt feel ready to learn to drive at 17 (he put it off for a few years) and he felt under incredible pressure from his GP's as they would always nag him.

For the first year I would use it occasionally to keep it running but when the tax ran out DS SORNed it. And yes we both got nagged constantly about the flaming car, were we turning the engine over, WHY hasn't DS learned to drive yet then my DB lost the only key which made matters worse and Dad would moan about it being rusty everytime he saw it. I wish I hadn't let them bring it here

I think that it's just one of those things that comes with age (as does patience for other people's quirks). I've just packed up my aunt to move her in with me, and it was a nightmare (for me!). She didn't want to throw anything out, even though moving in with me would double up most things and mine were a lot newer than hers. But I had to accept that she grew up in a different era to me, where they didn't just go and buy new things, they had to make it all last. 'Smile and nod' became my motto. You have to accept people, especially family, for their quirks and just accept it's easier to not make a fuss. Go and get the silly car tomorrow, it will only take you a half hour to drop you DH over there, then if it conveniently dies beyond repair or gets sold on gumtree stolen off your drive if things become too difficult, then so be it.

Although it's way too late for this, what would have been a good idea is that your FIL drive the car over to your house before he cancelled his licence and insurance, then your DH take him home again and return with the car. Job sorted.

Still, easy in hindsight, eh.

YANBU, btw. They shouldn't be fretting about it themselves, let alone fretting you about it. Hope the strings aren't too thick - as in, I hope they don't phone you every time they want a lift somewhere...

Just popping in to say the car is now insured and DH is going to ask his brother to drop him at their parents' tonight to bring it home.

As an aside, it was cheaper to get us BOTH insured fully comp on the car than it was for just DH, and fully comp was cheaper than 3rd party [cofused]. I don't understand insurance.

They probably will want lifts but that's fine, I am usually the family taxi anyway as I like driving and have a seven seater. DH hates driving and tries to avoid it at all costs. I can't see this car getting much use tbh.

Reminds me a bit of her mother. She won't use a steam iron because she is convinced that putting water into an electrical appliance must be unsafe. She also keeps a plastic bowl of water in her microwave - which I have never seen her used - because she believes that if she were to inadvertently switch it on with nothing inside, then the microwave would explode. (Don't get me started on her need to put at least three layers of padding/covering on wooden surfaces.)

Well done op, you will feel much less got at when its done and dusted.

I don't know how true this is but someone told me that a few years ago some incentives were made to insurance company's to make fully comp easier to obtain than third party only. I know for about 3 ish years fully comp has been much much cheaper than third party, one company wanted 485 for third party but only 245 for fully comp. its mad how it works but they must be getting something out of it.

And just to make you giggle I have a brand new very expensive pressure cooker shoved I. The back of a cupboard in my kitchen that I really really want to use but I'm terrified to use it just incase it blows up because when I was little pressure cookers were quite dangerous things that were prone to it and I have a bit of a block that means I can't get past it.

You know what, once you have a second car, it's amazing how much you do start using it when you previously were fine with one!

I'm glad it's sorted OP. I daresay you were being very patient in RL and have every right to vent on here, but my view about your PILs is that they are just getting old and have too much time on their hands in which to worry about stuff that doesn't need worrying about. You and I will probably be the same when we're 70. My PIL phone on a daily basis to fret about either money or technology - specifically, how to pay a bill and how to set the video (they haven't got a video). It drives me demented.

As an aside, it was cheaper to get us BOTH insured fully comp on the car than it was for just DH, and fully comp was cheaper than 3rd party [cofused]. I don't understand insurance.

It's all statistics - married people claim less; people who take Comprehensive cover claim less.

Since we separated H has been living with his parents.

He's always been extremely patient and accommodating with them, the poor man is now living on a knife edge. He will end up doing a Michael Douglas one day, it's just a matter if time.

His whole day is controlled by mealtimes and the contents thereof.

If he goes to the gym before breakfast he gets the 3rd degree (he was earnestly told by his father that running early in the morning was stupid). By mid morning lunch has been planned and is scheduled to be eaten at 12 sharp. By 2pm the "what's for tea" conversations start. It will be on the table at precisely 5 o'clock. Any deviations from the plan cause huge amounts of hand-wringing.

Saying "I'll get something later" throws things into complete chaos. Lots of "but what will you have?", "when will you be back?" Then endless suggestions of what he could have and how they could just make him some of what they're having and leave it in the oven.

If he's here seeing DS the texts generally start around 3pm.

He's 43.

Randall, I really feel for your H. When my first fiancé left me, my parents suggested I move back in with them rather than stay in the house on my own. Apart from the general non-sense aspect of leaving my house, I couldn't have imagined anything worse - my parents would have been exactly the same as your H's. I know this because while I was at university, I lived at home all except the 3rd year (out of 4) where I moved away to do some industrial training. My 4th year, as a result of 9m of freedom, was Hell. I couldn't wait to leave again.

I think the only way I manage to stay at my Dad's house when I'm in the UK now is because it is only my Dad - if my Mum was there too I'd be in a hotel.