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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Probably. ILs are being a massive PITA about car they're giving us.

124 replies

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 19:01

I KNOW I'm being a brat. I love my ILs but they FUSS and faff about things.

FIL has decided not to renew his driving licence so they have very generously given us their car as a second runaround, the car is worth about £300 and they wou;dn't take any money for it, we are very grateful.

But we haven't had a chance to go and pick it up yet and it's now been on their drive for a week. FIL is going out daily and driving it up and down the drive to keep it ticking over Confused.

MIL has been on the phone every night this week asking us when we can come and get it. We both work full time, and every evening this week has been busy (cubs, gymnastics, riding, music lessons, we have three DC). We have been out all weekend as it was DD's birthday.

They wanted us to go round to sign the logbook because they thought (and took a lot of convincing otherwise) that they needed to send that off and we needed to wait for it to come back before we drove away.

They are now panicking that we need to come and get it because they aren't insured on it anymore so they are on about SORNing it. They will not listen to me telling them that I can phone first thing and insure it and that it doesn't need SORNing as it still has tax and has been off the road for less than two weeks.

FIL keeps telling DH that he must make sure to run it every day otherwise the brakes will seize up. TBH he will probably only drive it twice a month, we've managed this long with one car.

They also keep saying that DH can drive to work so SIL can have her car during the day. BIL picks DH up as he passes (they work together), if DH picked BIL up he'd have to leave the house at 7am and go in the wrong direction. They offered SIL the car but she said she coudlnt' afford to run/insure it so declined.

I am really starting to wish we;d said thanks but no thanks.

DH has just gone over there to sign the logbook, it's the end of a very long weekend and I was looking forward to snuggling down and watching a film. they wanted us both to go over to theirs and get the car now but DS2 is in bed.

This is going to be a nightmare, isn't it? FIL has treasured that car for the last 18 years, they are going to be on our case about it forever.

AIBU?

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 28/04/2013 19:59

Actually I don't think I am being nasty- I am simply pointing out that they are elderly and it clearly is a big deal to them so the op should re prioritise what she has to do rather than have them worry.

Hulababy · 28/04/2013 20:00

They are elderly. They fret. It's just what they do. And you know what? When we are also elderly, we will probably do just the same. We won't think we are doing it, but our children will see it as fretting.

Can your DS just miss a week at either scouts or cubs and have a later night getting the car? And if DS2 is tiny he will no doubt sleep in car, and if not - will one night later to bed really be that much of a hassle?

You won't them to stop fretting AT you - the way to stop it is to go and get the car.

As for the "drive it a bit every day" thing - lie. They won't know.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 28/04/2013 20:00

Actually OP I started thinking YANBU, passed through YABU and am now back in YANBU. It sounds like the PiL fretting is enough to drive a saint to drink.

They have built this up to be a huge thing when really it isnt.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 28/04/2013 20:01

I'll have it!

Hulababy · 28/04/2013 20:01

If DH works with BIL could they not both drive over after work, on way home and your DH drive it back whilst your BIL drives his car?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/04/2013 20:02

I think you're being unkind too. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to do something that's a bit annoying to try not to cause upset to people you love.

In your circumstances, I would have got DH to get a taxi over there tonight and returned with the car. Failing that, I would have told DS he coukd miss one night of cubs or asked another parent to give him a lift so I could have gone to get it with DH or gone in a taxi to get it. You could then offer said helpful parent lotsif reciprocal lifts for their DCs in your new car!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 28/04/2013 20:02

Hula

too true

I've started it already. I see my children smile tolerantly at me as I fuss about things

ArtexMonkey · 28/04/2013 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuietNinjaTardis · 28/04/2013 20:02

If fil doesn't have a licence or insurance why he is still taking it out every day?

phantomnamechanger · 28/04/2013 20:03

It all depends on your opinion of who's doing who the favour here - clearly the PILs and some posters feel that they are being very generous and OP should drop everything, interrupt family routines and planned activities and fetch the car as a priority. As it happens, they don't really need or want the car, so they will get it when it is convenient for them. If PIL don't like it they can retract the offer and give the car to someone else, OP won't really mind!

WorrySighWorrySigh · 28/04/2013 20:05

In your circumstances, I would have got DH to get a taxi over there tonight and returned with the car. Failing that, I would have told DS he coukd miss one night of cubs or asked another parent to give him a lift so I could have gone to get it with DH or gone in a taxi to get it. You could then offer said helpful parent lotsif reciprocal lifts for their DCs in your new car!

At that rate the OP could have bought the car of her choice from AutoTrader for less!

phantomnamechanger · 28/04/2013 20:06

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to do something that's a bit annoying to try not to cause upset to people you love.

works both ways, why can't the PIL just show a little patience instead of stressing out someone they love and are trying to help?

HumphreyCobbler · 28/04/2013 20:07

The OP's DH HAS forced himself to go round tonight, even though it is not necessary.

MissSG · 28/04/2013 20:09

You've asked us if YABU, the majority have said that YABU and now your going off on one because you don't like it?

Don't ask if you don't want to hear it.

AprilFoolishness · 28/04/2013 20:09

You know what I'd be most worried about? The SIL car issue. Sounds like plans and assumptions have been made about how your dh will use the car and how that can help her, which would concern me. I think you need to be very clear about that bit.

MissSG · 28/04/2013 20:10

*you're.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/04/2013 20:10

Sometimes you just have to force yourself to do something that's a bit annoying to try not to cause upset to people you love.

Giving up driving and the independence that goes with it is a big thing. It is a bigger and potentially more upsetting thing than your DS missing scouts for one night. Plus giving someone a car is very kind and some gratitude is in order. Surely that's quite obvious Hmm

WMittens · 28/04/2013 20:11

AudreyParker

No, Alwayscheerful, you have two weeks grace. It's only been a week.

What days of grace? There are no days of grace with tax or insurance.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/04/2013 20:12

OP is being nice and grateful for the car they don't really want to their faces though. She was moaning on here to let off steam. I bet she wishes she had done it in chat though.

saintmerryweather · 28/04/2013 20:13

If i knew my fil was driving the car to keep it ticking over and it was actually illegal for him to be doing so i think i would go pick it up. I think.hula has a good idea actually, re DH and BIL picking it up after work

Nagoo · 28/04/2013 20:13

If FI can still drive why doesn't he drop it to you and then your DH give him a lift home?

Hulababy · 28/04/2013 20:15

OP says FIL is driving up and down their drive, so not on a public road.

Original poster
AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 20:17

Right. Kids are in bed and I'm less frazzled already Wink.

FIl is driving it up and down his drive, QNT.

DS1 can't miss Cubs/Scouts this week because he's moving up to Scouts and it's a whole big deal.

TBH it's just been a pig of a week and the car was the furthest thing from my mind.

We are very grateful and have been very gracious about it, I just didn't realise or factor in that they were going to be stressing like this otherwise I would have either declined the offer or made it much clearer that we woudln't be picking it up for a while.

When they offered it to us they said not to worry about getting it straight away, but they've obviously thought of lots of reasons to fret since then.

I shoudl say that as far as we're aware, the only reason he's giving up his license is because he'd have to re apply (he's 70) and he doens't enjoy driving so they decided they'd cope just as well with public transport. This is the only car they've ever had, by the way, DH was brought up without a car, they had it for around 18 years I think, maybe less, so have spent most of their lives car less, MIL doesn't drive.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/04/2013 20:17

OP is being nice and grateful

No she isn't. By her own admission she is being a "brat" as well as passive aggressively refusing to take the logical advice on this thread as to ways the car could be picked up.

And I'd have the same response in Chat

saintmerryweather · 28/04/2013 20:19

Oh ok didnt see that about it being driven on the drive my mistake!