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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Probably. ILs are being a massive PITA about car they're giving us.

124 replies

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 19:01

I KNOW I'm being a brat. I love my ILs but they FUSS and faff about things.

FIL has decided not to renew his driving licence so they have very generously given us their car as a second runaround, the car is worth about £300 and they wou;dn't take any money for it, we are very grateful.

But we haven't had a chance to go and pick it up yet and it's now been on their drive for a week. FIL is going out daily and driving it up and down the drive to keep it ticking over .

MIL has been on the phone every night this week asking us when we can come and get it. We both work full time, and every evening this week has been busy (cubs, gymnastics, riding, music lessons, we have three DC). We have been out all weekend as it was DD's birthday.

They wanted us to go round to sign the logbook because they thought (and took a lot of convincing otherwise) that they needed to send that off and we needed to wait for it to come back before we drove away.

They are now panicking that we need to come and get it because they aren't insured on it anymore so they are on about SORNing it. They will not listen to me telling them that I can phone first thing and insure it and that it doesn't need SORNing as it still has tax and has been off the road for less than two weeks.

FIL keeps telling DH that he must make sure to run it every day otherwise the brakes will seize up. TBH he will probably only drive it twice a month, we've managed this long with one car.

They also keep saying that DH can drive to work so SIL can have her car during the day. BIL picks DH up as he passes (they work together), if DH picked BIL up he'd have to leave the house at 7am and go in the wrong direction. They offered SIL the car but she said she coudlnt' afford to run/insure it so declined.

I am really starting to wish we;d said thanks but no thanks.

DH has just gone over there to sign the logbook, it's the end of a very long weekend and I was looking forward to snuggling down and watching a film. they wanted us both to go over to theirs and get the car now but DS2 is in bed.

This is going to be a nightmare, isn't it? FIL has treasured that car for the last 18 years, they are going to be on our case about it forever.

AIBU?

OP posts:

montage · 28/04/2013 20:20

If you wait until Bank Holiday Monday, their stress levels are not going to go down.

If you want the phonecalls and hassle to reduce, you need to work out how to get the car.

I do think that giving up on ever driving again is a huge blow to someone's independence and an awful reminder of fraility and mortality. And it's horrendous when someone doesn't recognise when the time comes and their relatives have to intervene (or worse, they don't intervene).

The most decent thing to do would be to prioritise getting the car above the other facets of your week.

Original poster

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 20:22

I'm pretty sure you can keep an uninsured but taxed vehicle off the road for 14 days before you need to SORN it.

OP posts:

HKat · 28/04/2013 20:23

I can't do the link on this phone but I really don't think you get any grace period nowadays - a registered car has to be either insured or SORN-ed, check out the .gov site

Jengnr · 28/04/2013 20:25

Christ, some people on here are horrible.

YANBU OP. Or unkind at all.

Gay40 · 28/04/2013 20:28

I'm with you, OP.
There's a particular word (in Japanese?) that describes a favour that someone does for you that turns out to be a monumental fuck-on and you wish you hadn't bothered.
Well, that word.
I fear that DP will turn into one of these faffs-over-fuck-all geriatrics. And unable to go to any other garage to have the car serviced

HumphreyCobbler · 28/04/2013 20:28

She is being grateful to their faces. She is not being rude to them and in fact is putting herself out to them. She is too busy to pick it up and her DS is in bed tonight. Or do you think she is lying about being busy? Her DH works some evenings. She works. She has a small child.

She is having a private moan on here about being given something, with loads of conditions, that she doesn't want. She is not being rude to them.

Original poster

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 20:34

I'm going to phone the insurance company first thing tomorrow and sort that out, I'm not 100% on the whole SORN issue other than they don't have to SORn it because we will insure it. they were concerned that we coudln;t insure it without the logbook being transferred, I think Dh managed to convince them that bit was fine.

Anyway. DH has now been out for two hours, I'm shattered, I'm going to watch Glee and go to beddy byes and try to sort out getting the car tomorrow in between other stuff.

Thanks for all points of view

OP posts:

lagoonhaze · 28/04/2013 20:38

Get a taxi over to collect it?

WMittens · 28/04/2013 20:40

I'm pretty sure you can keep an uninsured but taxed vehicle off the road for 14 days before you need to SORN it.

Not since Continuous Insurance Enforcement came into force in 2011 - you (well, the registered keeper, so your father-in-law) can receive an Insurance Advisory Letter as soon as the MIB (not the Men In Black ) spot an unSORNed, uninsured vehicle.

ifitsnotanarse · 28/04/2013 20:42

It's a half an hour ish round trip

YA sooooo BU.

Go get the car and stop whining.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/04/2013 20:44

Oh, come on, this is a bit harsh.

The OP had a bit of a moan because her ILs, despite being generous, are also frankly being a bit of a pain in the rear. There's no need to give her a massive kick or use her admission she knows she's being a bit fed up as another reason to have a go.

Emilythornesbff · 28/04/2013 20:47

YANBU to want a rant.
The'yre being very kind in a way but also quite controlling ( their insistence on tonight's logbook signing, comments about taking BIL to work) as fret prone people often are.
That's quite stressful. I don't think you're being unkind.
I guess I would be trying to get it picked up ASAP just to not upset them as they do seem very sweet.

YokoUhOh · 28/04/2013 20:48

Audrey are you me? Seriously?

DH and ILs are unable to walk into a room without pointing out the DIY that needs doing (FIL v kindly helps us to renovate the house). DH cringes with his entire body when a floorboard creaks and says, 'it's only a morning's work for FIL...'. Their entire life consists of fussing and tinkering and misunderstanding (an hour to make a ham sandwich, MIL's ridiculous insistence that the recommended daily calorie limit for women is 1000).

I am so grateful to them yet so beholden and guilt-ridden. YANBU. It's hard work.

plus MIL wants to give DS bloody baby rice even though I started him on BLW a month ago

digerd · 28/04/2013 20:51

OP
Good luck and have a good long sleep - you deserve/need it after all your stress.

I can sympathise with you but also PIL, as I am almost their age, and must admit I am much like them .

ToomuchWaternotWine · 28/04/2013 20:51

If someone offered me a FREE CAR, I would be round there to snap their hands off faster than you could say "sorn"!! Lucky you that it doesn't seem to be that important to you.

I think you are being a bit U, OP, surely you can arrange some time in the week to go get it and be kind to their feelings? Or did you see the suggestion about BIL taking your DH after work and he drives the car home?

Chottie · 28/04/2013 20:54

I would go over with your DC to collect the car. Take a cake with you, sit down and spend some time with them and be gracious and say thank you.

Emilythornesbff · 28/04/2013 20:55

"no such thing as a free lunch car "

Original poster

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 20:57

I'll suggest that, it may work. Although, DH will probably be funny about asking BIL to drive out of his way.

It's not free, we still have to insure it and maintain it and we will literally only use it when DH can't get to work with BIL. So maybe once or twice a month at the most. Although I might make him use it to do riding drop offs so my new shiny car can stay new and shiny and not covered in horse shit and mud...

OP posts:

AmazingBouncingFerret · 28/04/2013 20:57

Come and snuggle with me my love, you know you like it.

Don't listen to those nasty little so and so's.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 28/04/2013 20:57

I think the PP's comment about being careful about the whole SiL/BiL lift giving thing are very relevant.

My DM doesnt drive and because she falls asleep immediately the car starts moving is oblivious to how long journeys take. In the past she has quite happily offered lifts to other people and requested lifts to and from various places secure in the knowledge that the car is a magic carpet, running off fresh air and happy thoughts.

Be careful OP, this may well turn into a gift with strings like steel hawsers attached.

Emilythornesbff · 28/04/2013 20:58

The kids are in bed!
Would you wake them up and take them round just to pick up the car?
Dh is there so he has the family car surely.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/04/2013 20:58

Mmm. I know 300 pounds isn't nothing (!) and it's lovely of them. But you can't help feeling from the description that they're going to be fretting over this car for the foreseeable future, wondering if the OP is lavishing the love and care on it that it deserves.

You can just imagine that when it conks out (as it inevitably will before that long), the PIL will be sighing over how the OP didn't take enough care. That kind of 'gift' comes with a heck of a lot of guilt-trippery, even if the in-laws don't intend it that way. I mean, with the best will in the world, the OP's hardly going to be running it up and down the drive every day to keep it in 'condition', is she?

Original poster

AudreyParker · 28/04/2013 20:59

You do give good snuggle, Ferretty my love.

I am a leeeetle bit concerned about the strings. I hope it doens't become a thing.

OP posts:

AmazingBouncingFerret · 28/04/2013 21:00

Oh lordy you're going to be getting daily phonecalls reminding you to take her out for a spin!

Emilythornesbff · 28/04/2013 21:01

@ magic carpet comment.

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