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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up ... No wedding dress 4 weeks before big day.

92 replies

DangerousBeanz · 28/04/2013 17:04

My wedding dress was being made by a friend who is a professional dressmaker, She offered to make it as a wedding present, I didn't ask her as I know she can be a bit flaky but was grateful as she is fab and said I would pay her as it was too much for a gift. Anyway we had a bit of a fall out over another issue and now shes not returning calls, even to let me know if shes still making it or not. I've had several fittings.
WWYD should I take it that I now have no frock, 4 weeks before the wedding and get my ass to BHS to buy a last minute number or wait a bit longer hoping she'll start being more communicative and risk schlepping down the aisle in my onesie with posh hair, make up, shoes, flowers and Jewellery.
I have already apologised even though it was definitely a six of one half a dozen of the other thing- and the row was about politics ffs so not a personal thing.
Right now I am feeling totally stressed with the whole situation, I suffer from depression and anxiety to start off with and am on medication for that. I'm not sleeping. I want to get the situation back under my control but feel like I'm slowly slipping again. WWYD?

OP posts:
fairylightsinthespring · 28/04/2013 17:08

No other option but to speak to her (go round if you have to). Be very calm, polite and business like and just ask where she is at with the dress. If she hasn't done it or isn't going to, don't throw a strop, just say right, just needed to know, then go have a nice day getting a lovely dress that isn't a crazily expensive rip-off like most of them with an actual friend. Have a lovely wedding and under no circumstances let this upset you and spoil it. Friend of mine had no dress two days before her wedding due to shop cock-ups and was desperately upset. It turned up and all was well but we were all poised to go on a spree!

StuntGirl · 28/04/2013 17:12

She sounds both unprofessional and silly.

Have you already paid her for the dress? Was there any kind of contract signed?

I would definitely start looking for another one, just to have the peace of mind, but I wouldn't be letting it drop with the 'friend' either.

DeepRedBetty · 28/04/2013 17:14

First of all, when did the argument happen, and how long has it been from your first attempt to call her? Have you actually sent her a message, either text or email, and has she had time to respond? Is there the faintest chance she could be temporarily unable to respond - away, in hospital, blah blah?

Meanwhile four weeks is plenty of time to choose something lovely, and have any minor alterations done too - maybe have a good browse tomorrow with a friend, give FlakeyFriend until tomorrow evening to get back to you, and if no answer go ahead and buy it.

LadyVoldemort · 28/04/2013 17:15

Go round and speak to her, be very very nice to her though!

If she's not doing it then don't worry, there's loads of places you can get wedding dresses off the hanger now. Don't limit yourself to BHS!

Original poster
DangerousBeanz · 28/04/2013 17:21

No I haven't paid anything yet, At the last fitting she said she'd let me know in a couple of weeks, that was last month, no contract either. It's been about a week since I tried to contact her first. Several FB massages, phone messages and emails. No response, I'm de-friended on FB. I'm pretty sure she's not in hospital as I've seen responses to mutual friends postings from her.
I'll get OH to speak to her DH. They are good friends and do not want to fall out over this. I just need to know Where I am at with it all.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 28/04/2013 17:26

Find another dress. This woman sounds like a flake and she will let you down.

jacks365 · 28/04/2013 17:29

Tk maxx do some good dresses too but its the luck of the draw with regards to what they have and sizes. Good luck for the wedding and i hope you find something perfect.

LadyVoldemort · 28/04/2013 17:31

Frm what you've just said I'd assume she's no longer doing it.

Tell us your budget and style and we'll help you find a replacement :)

LittleFeileFooFoo · 28/04/2013 17:31

I bought my wedding dress the day of my wedding. It looked great!
But I am a bit spontaneous and lazy like that....

MardyBra · 28/04/2013 17:33

I would suggest one final message, stating that unless you have a reply within 24 hours you are assuming she is no longer making the dress, and that you will be sourcing elsewhere.

I hope you have a lovely wedding.

PumpkinPositive · 28/04/2013 17:35

No response, I'm de-friended on FB

The ultimate sanction! She's bolted. New dress, new friend.

maddening · 28/04/2013 17:36

Where are you based? There are probably lots of little independent shops that sell off sample dresses etc and the world wide web of mumsnet might know where to go (they're good like that!)

hiddenhome · 28/04/2013 17:36

She must realise she's causing you a lot of stress by doing this Hmm Take control or the stress will continue.

StuntGirl · 28/04/2013 17:37

Well at least you've not lost out financially. If she chooses to due to her weird and unprofessional behaviour then that's her issue.

I would probably cut my losses at this stage, and go and find a new dress. I'm sorry she's added this extra uneccessary stress, but I'm sure you'll find something lovely.

hiddenhome · 28/04/2013 17:40

Do it, or you will have bad memories of your wedding day if you've had all this stress during the run up to it. One of my bridesmaids turned out to be a selfish flake and it made for a difficult experience. You should be happy in your preparations and the dress is a big thing to organise, so you need to be on firm ground which you're currently not Sad

toomuchtoask · 28/04/2013 17:41

Go around and talk to her.

If unsuccessful my sister just found some beautiful dresses with phase 8 (in Debenams). Not a huge choice but they are really lovely dresses. Some nice ones in Monsoon too.

AnnaBegins · 28/04/2013 17:41

My dress was a sample dress off the hanger in a sale, it is doable and you will find something beautiful.

I really hope your friend comes around though!

Longdistance · 28/04/2013 17:42

Just go shopping for a new dress.

If she's defriended you on fb, then that's more than a hint.

I hope she's uninvited to your wedding now!

kinkyfuckery · 28/04/2013 17:43

You need to take back the control.
Contact her and tell her she has 24 hours to get back to you, or you will go elsewhere.

ENormaSnob · 28/04/2013 17:48

Get looking for a new dress.

Will you be uninviting her from the wedding?

What was the argument about?

DontmindifIdo · 28/04/2013 17:52

right, time for a plan B and start looking at off the peg dresses you can buy this week:
monsoon
coast
samsel in a dress

(put this dilema, your budget and your requirements for a dress/measurements on style and beauty, you'll get lots of suggestions!)

Check their returns policies, but I assume you could order/go buy this week, hopefully if she does turn around and get back in touch re the dress, then you can return the one you've bought - but this just gives you a back up plan so she can't leave you with no dress.

DontmindifIdo · 28/04/2013 17:52

(the 3rd one should be Damsel in a dress!)

NinaHeart · 28/04/2013 18:00

I had an off the peg Monsoon wedding dress. It was fab!
Where are you and what size are you (it's in my loft)

SweepTheHalls · 28/04/2013 18:01

Try here, sample dresses aurabelle.co.uk/

plinkyplonks · 28/04/2013 18:38

OP Sorry to here about the issues you've had with the dress :( Can't believe someone would do that to you :(

Go to some independent wedding shops, TKMaxx, Debenhams, Coast, Monsoon all have lovely wedding dresses. My sister's wedding dress was from Monsoon and it was absolutely beautiful! A month is plenty of time to find a beautiful dress ! Best of luck!

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