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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby shower

29 replies

mrsjrob · 28/04/2013 09:03

Hi today is my friends baby shower,I have never been to one so I wasn't sure what to buy ended up getting a baby blanket and clothes in a hamper type thing however last night I received a fb message from my friend with a list of a gifts she wants,cot, changing table,Moses basket etc and stated at the bottom "no clothes please" Shock wibu to ignore this list and just give her what I have got.i can't really afford another present and everything on the list seems quite expensive and i happen to know that she is only having the shower because she doesn't have any money for baby equipment,which she has had 9 months to buy.thanks

OP posts:
IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat · 28/04/2013 09:07

Give her what you have got, how rude and ungrateful. I would never expect anybody to buy me something like a cot or Moses basket! A blanket and some clothes sounds like a lovely present.

scaevola · 28/04/2013 09:08

You'll have to ignore. It's too late to change anything as the shower is today.

Why is your friend sending own list? It's the job of the host, never the honouree, to discreetly co-ordinate gifts to avoid heaps of duplicates (better done in conversation than by list, as well).

Lolapink · 28/04/2013 09:09

How cheeky is she! I think your present sounds lovely. Also how can she, expect these things. When she sent the list out last night for the baby shower today. Every one that is going has already probably bought there gift.

Original poster
mrsjrob · 28/04/2013 09:11

This was supposed to be a "surprise" shower which she found out about it says on fb msg she's fed up with people asking what she would like so sent a list.

OP posts:
Caitycat · 28/04/2013 09:14

Absolutely give what you've got, as Lola said who's going to run out and buy a cot on a Sunday morning in response to a grabby fb message, even if they can afford it?

cleoowen · 28/04/2013 09:15

I cannot believe people would expect someone to buy them a cot and changing table! I would feel ashamed if that was me. We had a baby recently and they can be up to 100 pounds and more. I would never expect that as a baby shower gift. Your present sounds lovely, take that to the party. Much more reasonable. I expect you ll find the other people give something similar.

BumpingFuglies · 28/04/2013 09:18

I think baby showers are just grabby and your friend proves the point, surprise or not.

I wouldn't go, but give her the stuff when baby is born.

patchesmcp · 28/04/2013 09:19

I'm in Shock that someone can be so rude!

Is she normally this rude?

Original poster
mrsjrob · 28/04/2013 09:20

Thanks for replies I am relieved because I thought I had got it wrong.i have four kids of my own so I know how expensive it can be to buy stuff but I would never ask for anything let alone something expensive and both my friend and her partner work so she could've bought them herself

OP posts:
Wishiwasanheiress · 28/04/2013 09:21

I'm astonished by Moses and what I'd deem stuff you have to buy yourself. I mean, will she put school shoes on birthday list when the child is older?! Some stuff is yours to purchase alone.

I'd have loved a blanket. You can never have enough. Also clothes. When I was childless I thought clothes a bad gift as you got so many but now I realise how useful they really are.

Do not feel bad IMO you have been very kind. A list is fine for a wedding but bad form on a baby.

Original poster
mrsjrob · 28/04/2013 09:24

Yes she's rude but not normally grabby,I know her sister,who organised the shower is not ashamed to ask for things and is encouraging my friend to ask for things

OP posts:
cogitosum · 28/04/2013 09:27

That's disgusting. I'm always shocked at these sorts of threads that people like this exist.

I had a baby shower last weekend organised by my sisters. I specifically said I only wanted it for fun and to see lots of friends before the birth not the gifts but loads of people got presents and I was a bit tearful I was so overwhelmed by everyone's generosity (hormones!) it would never have crossed my mind to stipulate in advance what I wanted.

IMO it's our responsibility to buy the things we need (crib, changing table etc) and if people are kind enough to buy extras like nice clothes and blankets then that is absolutely lovely of them.

ENormaSnob · 28/04/2013 09:39

I'd tell her to stick her shower up her ricker.

Cheeky bastard.

scaevola · 28/04/2013 09:42

If it's a shower, then of course guests will bring gifts as that's what 'shower' means ("shower with gifts"). If you just want a nice party before the birth, call it something else.

LittleBearPad · 28/04/2013 09:43

Love the fact 'she's fed up with people asking what they can give her'. It's so hard being offered presents!!

Cheeky cow

and as for asking for a cot Shock

Yonionekanobe · 28/04/2013 09:46

I'm afraid I wouldn't go and I'd take the gift back to the shop. Extraordinary behaviour!

lagoonhaze · 28/04/2013 09:48

reply with thanks for the list but already have spent time choosing a gift which i hope you will like. If not feel free to regift it ir donate to womens refuge/charity

LittleBearPad · 28/04/2013 09:58

Also if you are out to be so grabby as to have a list, sending it the night before is just stupid.

AlwaysWashing · 28/04/2013 10:06

I'd FB her back and say "Oh dear, now you tell us", or something equally jokey and "I'm afraid you've got clothes from me!" and just leave it at that.

She does sound horribly grabby.

Baby showers are to make the Mum to be feel special and loved and give her a bit of a boost in those last few weeks when she's feeling fat and uncomfortable and thinking the (damn) baby will never come. Certainly that's what mine was like & the one we've just had for another of our group of Mums. Most of the gifts I received were clothes, blankets, toys & toiletries which were lovely. If someone had bought me a cot I'd have been mortified?!

Hope it goes well and it's not too awkward.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2013 10:09

I'd tell her I'm not coming, something came up (like her grabbiness). Return the gift and spend the money on something else.

Cheeky, grabby cow. She really thinks someone going to buy her a fecking cot?!

Impatientwino · 28/04/2013 10:11

How ungrateful! It's a lovely sunny day so I would feign illness, blow off the shower and take your kids out to the park or something instead Smile

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 28/04/2013 10:12

Completely agree with everyone saying that you should take what you've got already. I cannot believe she's actually asked for a cot! So cheeky! I guess the one saving grace is that because she has left it so late to send the list no one will realistically have bought anything off it. I imagine if she'd sent it a few weeks earlier some people may have felt obliged.

I like lagoon's idea for replying to her. Hopefully by mentioning donating them she might realise that she's been a bit grabby?

MortifiedAdams · 28/04/2013 10:14

Id just take the blanket. Id say "I had you some beautiful clothes picked out too but saw on your message you dont want any clothes so will pass them onto someone who does"

PA much? Tough shit - she was rude.

Original poster
mrsjrob · 28/04/2013 10:21

Thanks again for the replies,I sent her a text explaining I thought her list was expensive and I had already bought a gift,she replied saying that it was a message for family who had agreed to buy an item each and it was sent to me accidently.not sure i believe it though.the shower is at 12 so she's getting what I got her and that's it.

OP posts:
BenjaminButton172 · 28/04/2013 10:24

What a cheeky bitch.

Having a baby shower is cheeky enough without the added extra list.

Id tell her to stick her grabbiness where the sun dont shine and return the gift.

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